It is motherly instinct to want to keep your kids safe because when they hurt, moms hurt, too. But the reality is as they grow up, your children will face challenges — and each time they overcome these, they become more resilient.
Many factors contribute to developing resilience, but the key is to have the love and support of a parent. Moms Milka Tanchip, 31, Monica Galvey-Tan, 35, and Alice Bote, 40, know this because they have been blessed with supportive and caring relationships with their mothers.
"My mom is very driven and goal-oriented. She works full-time as a banker, but she was always a mom before anything," shares Milka.
"My mom was an avid listener when it comes to stories about my relationships. So it was easy for me to open up to her," says Monica.
"Despite her business, my mom is very caring. My mom would drop everything just to take care of me," Alice recalls.
These moms, who learned about resilience from the best, share little nuggets of wisdom their mothers have taught them over the years. They hope to pass it on to their kids as well.
1. "You don’t get anything if you don’t work for it."
Milka’s mom believes that it takes a lot of spunk and tenacity to succeed in life. Meanwhile, Monica, who grew up not being handed things and opportunities on a silver platter, says, "Mom taught us to live simply and to work hard."
2. "What’s done is done."
This lesson aims to enable kids to bounce back from any difficulties. Milka recalls, "[My mom] would always say what's done is done. Don't cry over spilled milk, but just to do better, and choose wiser next time."
"She specifically taught me to move forward after every setback… to give myself time to grieve whenever I go through a failure," Monica remembers.
"You live, and you learn," Milka adds.
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Photo by Courtesy of Milka Tanchip.3. "Pabayaan mo sila. 'Wag mong pansinin."
Alice remembers what her mom would tell her whenever she was bullied as a child. "Every time there were bullies and kids who would tease [me], I would tell her about my disappointments. [But] she would just say, 'Pabayaan mo sila, 'wag mong pansinin.'
"It somehow gave me a feeling of being secure of who and what I am," she says.
4. "Be simple and humble."
It’s never too early nor too late for moms to teach their kids how to identify needs and wants.
"Since my family was not so well-off, [my mom] taught us to be content with what we have. She also taught me to be practical. She would disapprove of buying expensive things; rather, she would say that we need to prioritize paying [for] the house," shares Alice.
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Photo by Courtesy of Alice Bote.5. "What would you like to be when you grow up?"
Just by asking this question, kids can feel more confident about themselves. For Alice, this made her feel validated and optimistic about what she wanted to achieve in life.
Meanwhile, Monica shares, "She has always been supportive of my dreams and would always cheer me on whenever I feel like I wanted to give up."
Now that they’re moms themselves, Monica, Milka, and Alice are also raising their own children to be resilient. They realize that resilience not only teaches the kids to be tough but also to be creative when it comes to solving problems.
Monica focuses on helping her kids understand the reason behind every difficulty. She says: "We should let them know that for every challenge, failure, or struggle they may encounter in the future, there will always be a rainbow after the rain, a solution for every problem. Kids need to experience and embrace an imperfect world because it teaches them to be ready for any battle- to expect the worst and hope for the best every time.
"In the long run, this will eventually aid them to be wiser in their choices, and be more adaptive in situations, good or bad."
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Photo by Courtesy of Monica Galvey-Tan.Milka puts importance on teaching her kids that it takes a lot of grit and determination to succeed. "I want them to be strong so that they can take care of themselves, and aren't easily put down. Nothing in life that's worth it comes easily, so I want them to know how to persevere to be successful and reach their dreams," she says.
And for Alice, by giving her kids "real talk" when it comes to what’s really out there in the world, she helps them be prepared and stay grounded. "I always tell my kids that in the real world, they will encounter different kinds of people and circumstances. Life is not just about winning and getting what you want or what you wish for. Rather, it is all about adjusting, adapting, and overcoming different life obstacles," she says.
Aptakid believes in helping children find the strength within themselves to be daring, adaptable, and resourceful. Raise them ready while making sure they’re properly nourished, and they can take on the world on their own.
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