This Mom Learned To Drive And Was Reminded: Life Doesn't End When You Become A Mom

A scientific research in 2018 showed that moms actually work for more than 98 hours a week--which is more than double of the usual working hours (40 hours per week).

With that working load, the constant attending to others’ needs, sometimes, we can’t help but feel at loss. 

Like, where’s the old version of myself who can finish a task in a blink? Who can find time to apply make-up and set her hair before going out? Who can go to coffee shops or band gigs anytime? 

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Worse is we develop ‘mom brains’ and constantly forget a lot of things. Sometimes it feels like we don’t have a grip of who we are, because we are always referred to as ‘mama’, ‘nanay’, ‘mommy’, ‘wife’. Maybe there's another version of me in the multiverse that still has her identity intact.

We are so focused on prioritizing others’ needs, that we forget that we have our own needs, too. This is when our anxiety, loneliness and even depression may begin. 

And sometimes, we just need a reminder that even in the midst of motherhood, we are still our own unique self. We are still capable of doing and achieving things. 

After three years, it was refreshing to have something else to think about other than 'What will I cook for dinner?'

I recently shared this in Smart Parenting Village, and surprisingly, many moms felt the same way, too. 

Last year, my husband and I decided that it’s finally time to learn how to drive. Mainly it’s for emergency purposes as we’re only three in the house (with our three-year-old daughter), but also because driving is a life skill. 

I knew it was going to be a challenge--I didn’t know how to ride a bike, we need to adjust everything for the driving lessons and trips to LTO-- but it’s a challenge worth taking. 

Aside from the practical driving lessons required, there’s also a course you need to take before you can actually learn how to drive. It’s a 15-hour Theoretical Driving Course, and thankfully the driving school I enrolled at offered it online. You have to finish all the sessions, and after each session there’s a short quiz. And at the end of those quizzes, there’s a major examination. 

Even though it seems overwhelming, it was refreshing. 

After three years, it feels good to have something to think about rather than, “What will I cook for dinner?”, or “How long did my daughter watch TV today?”, or “When did I change the bedsheets?”

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The monotony of motherhood was met by the challenge of learning a new skill, achieving something for yourself, and it’s empowering. 

Lots of moms also felt the same way, the simple act of learning how to drive gave them ‘power’ and reminded them that being a mother doesn’t mean they can’t learn something new. 

It’s not the just the skill, but the process of learning

Whether it is driving, cooking, baking, the feeling of excitement for the challenge of learning something new, is a good reminder to moms and all parents that life doesn’t stop after becoming parents. 

Sometimes, it’s only the beginning. 

This mom shared in the discussion thread that she even learned how to weld! “Nag-aral naman ako ng welding nung pandemic. Sayang, libre lang sa TESDA, may allowance pa” Gela Rogador shared. 

During the first months of motherhood, I often thought about my life before I became a stay-at-home mom, and usually, I would feel sad. I feel sad for the things that I can’t do anymore. I felt like I was tied up. 

But little did I know that this was also the time when I would realize that life doesn’t stop just because you took a detour - because it’s the right path all along. 

It helped me regain my self-confidence, self-esteem, and reminded me that I can still pursue things and achieve it. 

The Secret: Support System

With all the things already on our to-do list, moms (and dads) can only do so much. The number one requirement for learning a new skill and achieving something is a strong support system. 

My husband sacrificed his rest days and took over so I can do all my driving lessons and LTO trips. He trusts me enough to let me drive along Skyway, even if I’m just a newbie driver. He also lets me experiment and discover new food to cook and bake, and when I ask him, “Paano kung hindi masarap?”, he just answers, “Kakainin ko pa rin.” 

My daughter's comment served as a validation that I did the right thing. The first day I drove without my husband and right after I parked the car she said, "Wow, Mommy! Kaya mo na!"

What new thing are you going to do today?

Riyalyn Pasimio is a mom of one and a contributing writer of Smart Parenting.

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