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  • A Mom Was Asked, ‘Paano Mo Palalakihin Ang Anak Mo Kung Pipiliin Mo Mag-Trabaho?’

    The mom was shocked at the inappropriate question.
    by Kitty Elicay .
A Mom Was Asked, ‘Paano Mo Palalakihin Ang Anak Mo Kung Pipiliin Mo Mag-Trabaho?’
PHOTO BY Shutterstock/Cat Box
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    Raising toddlers is hard, but it becomes even harder when the people around you have a say on how you are caring for your children. On our parenting community, Smart Parenting Village, one mom shared a powerful reminder: “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re a bad parent for lashing out [at your kids]. They have no idea.”

    This seemed to have struck a chord with other moms and dads. On our Facebook page, they also shared their sentiments and experiences. One parent even shared a story of how she was shamed for choosing to be a working mom.

    “I was once questioned (non-verbatim), ‘Paano mo palalakihin ang anak mo kung pipiliin mo pa rin magtrabaho? Oh, tatanungin kita, pano ka ba pinalaki ng nanay mo?' (referring to my housewife mom).

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    “I was shocked, hindi ko alam anong isasagot ko. Wala dapat kasi comparison, kanya-kanya tayo ng choices sa buhay. Hindi porket working parents kami, ‘di na namin mapapalaki ng maayos ang anak namin.

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    “My husband and I are working parents to an almost 4yo daughter. We don’t have a helper/yaya ever since, pero kinakaya. I guess I was right for not answering the question. We have proven that person wrong.”

    Many admit that while they all want to be a more patient, calmer parent, they are also human and prone to mistakes — especially with all the responsibilities they are juggling.

    “Hindi easy job ang mag-alaga ng anak o mga anak. Samahan pa ng household chores. Only those who experienced ang makakaunawa.”

    “Mahirap talaga ang role and responsibility ng pagiging isang mother. Kahit gaano natin kagusto maging calm at all times, maging cool mom. Sobrang hirap. Talagang ‘di maiwasan na mawalan tayo ng patience at masigawan natin at mapagalitan mga anak natin but it does not mean na ‘di natin sila mahal [at] masama na tayong magulang.” 

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    “Napakahirap na papel ang pagiging ina. Lahat ng intindi gagawin mo, lalo na ‘pag toddlers pa. Mahirap din naman kung ‘di mo sila didisiplinahin baka paglaki naman nila sa atin din mga magulang ang bagsak.

    Pero walang kasing saya sa atin ‘pag naglalambing ang mga anak kahit gaano man kasakit at hirap talagang lalambot ang puso mo sa kanila. Laban lang tayo mga nanay!” 

    “Minsan hindi maiiwasan na mawalan ka ng pasensiya pero hindi sila dapat ang nasusunod. Hindi madali ang mag-alaga at magdisiplina ng anak, lalo pa kung single parent. Sana huwag agad manghusga ang iba.

    “Kung napapalo man sila, lahat ng magulang iba-iba ang pamamaraan sa pagpapalaki ng mga anak. Hindi naman nawawala ang pagmamahal ng magulang kahit gaano ka pa kagalit sa mga pagkakamali.”

    “Walang ibang makakaintindi sa pagdidisiplina natin sa mga anak natin kundi tayo lang. Wala sila sa posisyon para husgahan tayo lalo na kung paano disiplinahin ang mga bata dahil hindi lahat pare-pareho ng behavior.

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    “Pero hindi rin lahat ng magulang ay tama dahil wala naman talagang taong perpekto. Ang lahat ay nakadepende sa kung anong sitwasyon ng tao.” 

    At the end of the day, most agreed that parenting is never easy. Each person is fighting a different battle and facing different situations. Instead of judging a mom or dad’s parenting style, it’s better show them kindness and understanding.

    “Never ever let moms who lose their patience feel guilty. Kung naririnig ninyo man na sumisigaw ang isang nanay please be more understanding.” 

    “Real parents know, hindi madali, nagkakamali ng paulit-ulit. [But] you learn to forgive yourself over and over again because you know in your heart ikaw lang ang magmamahal sa anak mo.

    “Being a parent, walang bargaining. You just have to do what’s best for you and your children. We have different needs, different coping mechanisms. You as a parent, ikaw lang ang nakakakilala sa anak mo.” 

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    Are you a victim of mom shaming? Click here for ways to handle it with class.

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