Even as more women decide to become mothers in their 40s, there still remains a stigma in society when a woman decides to embrace motherhood much later in life. ‘You’re too old”, ‘you won’t have the same energy for motherhood’, ‘it’s high risk for you and your baby’ may be comments coming from a place of concern but inevitably affects women who find themselves being a mother later in life.
For Sara Black, motherhood in her 40s couldn’t have come at a better time. After wearing so many hats in the past—model, fashion photographer, traveler, competitive sailor, and athlete to name a few—she found her perfect role at the perfect time as mom to daughter Feliz.
There wasn’t any struggle to conceive, Sara says. “There was plenty of inner work that I had to do to arrive at that space where it could happen quite gracefully.”
The perfect time
A broken hip while training for a triathlon forced Sara to ‘slow down and tune in’. While healing, she says she buckled into her meditation practice and heard a calling to dive deeper. “I followed the whisper to India where I had a spiritual awakening. I realized the expansive experience I was searching for wasn’t to tick things off a list of goals achieved, but quite simply to have a deeper experience of love,” she tells Smart Parenting via email. She went on to become a Meditation and Radiant Energy coach and in the process met her partner, Martin Camara, a chiropractor. “The timing was so right, too,” she adds. “The pandemic gave us time to slow down, connect and make our home.”
'If you’re starting late, don’t second guess yourself. Everything is happening in your perfect time. Drop all the opinions other people are trying to load on you and do your thing.' - Sara Black
She says she feels lucky because her pregnancy happened during the pandemic and was “essentially sheltered” from people’s opinion about women who get pregnant much later. “Not that it matters a lot to me, I would still stand on my own two feet. But it was great that I could just cocoon peacefully and follow my heart,” she says.
The rewards of being a ‘mature mama’
The opportunity to just focus on her family and on motherhood at that time afforded Sara to reflect on her journey of becoming a ‘mature mama.’ A recent Facebook post summed what that journey meant for her. Her message was a reassuring note for women who are “starting their motherhood journey at a later time” like her. “I’m sure you’ve felt all the pressure from society--how often have you heard you’re too old, you’re infertile, it’s going to be more taxing on your body, not good for the baby, etc.,etc.,” she writes. She then proceeds to enumerate her realization about being a mother later in life.
- You’re more emotionally stable so your capacity to hold space for your baby is a thousandfold.
- There’s no polarization-wishing you could be somewhere else or do something else.
- You know very full well how long it took you to get there and you’re going to enjoy every nano second of it in spite of all the difficulties and challenges.
- There’s no ego, trying to prove to yourself (and) to the world that you can do and be everything.
- (You have) the capacity to be grateful considering everything you’ve been through to arrive here is unwaveringly high.
- A fully present mother, who has learned to drop the ego and turn her attention to always expressing gratitude, is fertile ground for a tiny human to feel secure, to grow in confidence and to learn to connect and relate with other with ease.
“So if you’re starting late, don’t second guess yourself,” she advises. “Everything is happening in your perfect time. Drop all the opinions other people are trying to load on you and do your thing.”
She adds however that it is women’s utmost responsibility take care of themselves to maintain an elevated state of health. “Our bodies are far more capable than we assume them to be,” she says.
Currently, Sara has put her photography career on hold and is focusing on motherhood and coaching. “I’m not about to polarize myself between work and family. It’s very clear to me what season of life I’m in and I’m honoring that.”
She acknowledges the balance that coaching has brought into her life and how it has been advantageous to her role a mom. “The nature of this role as teacher also necessitates that I maintain and uphold my energy. I can’t teach what I don’t practice myself,” she says. “So I am cultivating daily, gentle peace and loving awareness--all of which enhances my day to day experience of motherhood. And smooths out all the rough patches!” she concludes.
Read about another mom who became a first-time mom at 41 here.