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Why Did Your Parents Give You Up Is A Question I Don't Want My Adopted Kids To Face
PHOTO BY courtesy of Instagram/@teemyledesma
  • In his book First Things First, best-selling author Stephen Covey declares that “Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others.” He could have very well been describing the ongoing journey of Teemy Ledesma-Nepomuceno, an adopted child who took on the challenges of adopting two children herself with her husband, Rod.

    Her story is one of how her childhood wounds from adoption gave her wisdom to care for her son Quico, who is turning 4, and her daughter Quiana, who is turning 3 years old.

    Quico was a foundling, a baby boy left at their home by a lady when he was only a month old with just the clothes on his back and two bottles of milk. While Teemy and Rod were overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility of caring for a baby, they did not hesitate to give him a home and love.

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    “I know the feeling of being adopted because I was adopted myself, and it’s tough. People always say to me, ‘You have to be appreciative of the fact that you were adopted. Count your blessings.’ But people don’t realize the sense of loss and abandonment of an adopted child. My biological mom was not fit to take care of me, and my Dad was a pilot who traveled a lot and eventually had another family. It was not an easy concept to accept,” Teemy begins.

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    “My adoptive parents had their own children. I grew up with them, and they did consider me as one of them. I have no doubt in my mind that they love me very much. But despite that, I always felt different. Questions like ‘Why don’t you look like your parents or siblings?’ or ‘Why did your parents give you up?’ were heartbreaking to hear. I didn’t want my son Quico to experience that.”

    Two years after Quico came into their lives, Teemy decided to adopt a little girl because they did not want Quico to be alone in his adoption journey. This time, they went to an orphanage where Teemy saw a little girl they would name Quiana.

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    “When Teemy saw her, it was love at first sight for both of them. They were inseparable,” Rod fondly recounts. “Adopting Quiana was a different process. We had to go through a matching process with no assurances that we would be able to take her home.”

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    “After going through necessary steps and procedures, the DSWD officially appointed us as her foster parents,” Teemy happily shares.

    Being a parent is tough, Teemy admits, and she is aware that her kids may face challenges as adopted kids. But there also lies the beauty of their situation. “It is beautiful that I know what they are going through, and what they will eventually go through.”

    “It is a life-changing decision for you and the kids you will adopt. It is not easy, but it is all worth it.”

    Teemy is amazed at how little things can mean so much when you have kids. “When the kids called us 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' for the first time, and every time they hug us really tight like we are their entire world...When they are sick, and you just wish that you can take their pain. And all those times I’ve wanted to do something for myself, but chose to put their needs first…It’s these little things that make me feel the impact of adoption and make me realize 'I am a mom.'”

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    Teemy realizes that social media has so much power in making moms like her feel inadequate, and she wishes ‘mommy influencers’ would talk about the parenting realities more. “[Many do not] talk about the tantrums, the difficulties in feeding and potty-training, the sleepless nights, the 40-degree fevers. They always look so put together with their daily OOTDs in their picture-perfect Instagram posts. These don’t help struggling moms like me. I just want to see the real, raw side of parenthood, the real deal, not the filtered version.’”

    For women who are looking to begin their own adoption journey, Teemy says, “Be prepared. Do your research. Psyche yourself up for the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the process. It is a life-changing decision for you and the kids you will adopt. It is not easy, but it is all worth it. Adoption is the essence of unconditional love.”

    Are you planning on adopting a child? Click here to learn about all the documents you need to accomplish and the agencies you need to contact to start on your journey.

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