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  • To Spank or Not to Spank: Pinoy Parents Speak Out

    Overwhelmed, confused or even apathetic about spanking? Read on to find out what fellow Filipino parents think.
    by Tina Santiago-Rodriguez .
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    On a personal note, Diane says that their kids have become sweeter and are closer to her and her husband especially when they have disciplined them. “We need to explain to them why they need to be spanked and what rules they broke. We don't just get them and spank them. Communication and the rod (what we use for spanking) go together,” she explains.

    Diane recommends that parents try reading “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Trip to get more great insights on disciplining one’s children. “I believe that children need to be disciplined. And one of the best ways to do it is by using a spanking rod or spoon (never your hand),” she says.

    Karen Hornbostel Ilagan, a lifestyle photographer and homeschool mom of two, says, “There is a huge difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment is giving the offender what he deserves; in effect, you are making him pay for his sins. It's ‘payback time’ or revenge,” she explains. “Discipline, on the other hand, is positive instruction, it is a way to correct the offender and the goal should be to restore the offender's path to obedience.”

    Both Karen and Diane insist that there's a big difference between child abuse (hurting out of anger, revenge) and discipline (spanking for correction, out of love).

    Joy T. Mendoza, a former consultant for preschool at The Master’s Academy Homeschool and homeschool mom to Elijah (9), Edan (6), Titus (4) and Tiana (2), is another mom who disagrees with how spanking is presented in the article mentioned at the beginning of this article.

    “Biblical spanking presupposes a good relationship between parent and child. I don't suggest spanking if parents don't have a good relationship with their child because it is hard for them to understand that discipline is out of love,” Joy explains. “Pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping or hitting - these are things done in anger, which is not the context of biblical spanking and discipline, but which most people may mistakenly see as ‘disciplinary actions.” Joy emphasizes that anytime a parent hits a child in anger, it leads to a whole lot of hurt and trauma.

    Joy, who was spanked as a child along with her siblings, also wishes to point out that spanking is not the only way to discipline a child. In a blog post she wrote about spanking, Joy clarified that she and her husband, Edric, spank their children for only a few important things, mostly connected to disobedience and disrespect. Joy wishes to share part of that post here:

    “For example, with Elijah, our eldest who is turning 9, we can count the number of times he was spanked on two hands.  By the age of 6, he didn’t really need spankings anymore. We use other forms of discipline, like withdrawal of privileges or natural logical consequences.

    Our second son, Edan, who is almost 6, had his share of spankings but seldom receives them now. Our third son, Titus, was spanked the most number of times and still gets spanked from time to time, but because he has learned to obey, spankings are also rare for him.

    The point is that Edric and I don’t carry a spanking rod around with us everywhere we go or have to use it all the time. But, we have very clear rules that we teach our children to obey and if they break them, they are disciplined for doing so.

    Some people argue that spanking is abusive. It can be when it is for punishment purposes only, if it is done in anger, if rules are unclear, if a parent does not have a loving relationship with their child, if it is done in public to humiliate the child, or if it is done too often and randomly.  We avoid all of the above.”

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