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  • Parents With Happy And Bright Kids Do These 6 Things All The Time

    It sets them apart from other adults who don't have this trait.
    by Kitty Elicay .
Parents With Happy And Bright Kids Do These 6 Things All The Time
PHOTO BY Shutterstock/Hananeko_Studio
  • Experts agree that 80% of our success in life is attributed to emotional intelligence, while IQ only takes up 20%. It’s why having high grades is not the only indicator that a child will excel in life.

    Emotional intelligence or EQ, is a way of recognizing, understanding, choosing, and monitoring how we think, feel, and act. Nurturing a child’s emotional development will determine how happy, bright, and successful they are throughout life.

    Raising an emotionally intelligent child, however, begins with being one yourself, says John Gottman, Ph.D., psychologist, relationship expert, and founder of The Gottman Institute. “It is important to understand one’s own feelings about emotions, and to learn that self-understanding comes from recognizing one’s own feelings,” he writes.

    How to adopt emotional parenting and be an emotionally intelligent parent

     Parents are responsible for teaching and guiding their children. More often than not, it requires awareness and empathy. Here are some traits that emotionally intelligent parents have.

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    1. They don’t forget to take care of themselves.

     Emotionally intelligent parents are loving and supportive of their kids. They are also compassionate toward themselves.

    Just as they understand that their children’s emotional cup should be filled — with affection, love, security, and attention — they know that they should be fulfilling their needs, too. Whenever they feel exhausted or overwhelmed, they know how to step back and prioritize themselves.

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    “Emphasizing their own well-being will make them more patient, joyful, and energetic,” writes clinical psychologist Meghna Singhal, Ph.D., in her column for Psychology Today. “They acknowledge their needs are valid and invest resources in practicing self-care.”

    2. They forge a deeper connection with their kids.

     It’s easy to get distracted with work and other household responsibilities, but parents with good emotional intelligence know how to make connections with their kids. This means being fully present in the moment and focusing all their attention on them. It also includes quality bonding, as well as creating special traditions or memories together.

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    3. They practice emotion coaching.

     Emotion coaching “involves being cued in to your child’s (and your own) feelings, helping your child identify and name their feelings, and enabling emotional regulation,” writes Dr. Singhal.

    Emotionally intelligent parents know that all feelings are valid — they don’t dismiss or criticize their child for showing emotions. Let your little ones know it’s okay to cry, get angry, upset, sad, or hurt.

    “Make it an opportunity to emphasize, connect, and teach,” says Dr. Singhal. Help your child figure out his emotions and how to cope when it becomes difficult. This will also teach your child problem-solving.

    4. Discipline is for teaching, not punishment.

     Emotionally intelligent parents set boundaries so that their kids can take control of their emotions as they experience them. Kids are impulsive by nature, and when left unchecked, they can become impulsive adults, explains psychologist Irish Movido in a previous SmartParenting.com.ph article.

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    Discipline is not the same as punishment, and these parents know it. Since punishment can backfire — it can make kids angry and defensive and forget their misbehavior — they instead set clear and consistent rules that shape behavior and provide a sense of order.

    5. They develop their child’s grit and resilience.

    Grit is a personality trait that makes one keep working toward a goal despite setbacks or failures. It’s a mark of extremely successful kids, according to experts, and emotionally intelligent parents strive to nurture this in their child.

    Instead of praising perfection, they praise their child’s hard work and process. They help set goals and visualize how these can be achieved.

    They let their children pursue their passion, without having to seek the approval of others. Lastly, they remind them that failure is not permanent; instead, they can always try again.

    6. They are good role models of values.

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    With their children’s eyes always on them, emotionally intelligent parents know how to model it in order to shape their little ones’ behavior. “Simply telling their child to be more honest or hardworking, or grateful, or compassionate, doesn’t work any better than telling adults to be. They model the values they uphold, and label and reinforce the expression of values,” writes Singhal.

    Good values are taught at home. So, encourage open communication with your kids to teach them how to connect with other people, exchange ideas, and develop a sense of respect as a way of nurturing their emotional intelligence.

    Teaching your kids about feelings will make her happier. Click here to learn more.

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