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  • You Can't Stop Lolos And Lolas From Spoiling Their Apos: 3 Things To Do Instead

    Are the lolos and lolas overindulging our kids? The answer is yes.
    by Dahl D. Bennett .
You Can't Stop Lolos And Lolas From Spoiling Their Apos: 3 Things To Do Instead
PHOTO BY iStock
  • “Get as many cookies as you want.” “There are more candies on the counter.” “I got you a new toy for you.” “Would you like us to go to the amusement park again?”

    While you try your best to set limits so as not to overindulge your child, somehow, the in-laws manage to bend the rules and, well, set the sky as their limit. Many say that it’s the grandparents’ job — even their ‘right’ — to spoil their grandchildren, but is this going against your parenting style and in the process confusing your child?

    Nido and SmartParenting.com.ph posed this question to the experts at the Smart Parenting Masterclass Toddler Expertips titled “Are We Overindulging Our Kids?” The two brands brought in parenting coach Felici Pangilinan-Buizon and Owie De La Cruz, executive director Abot Tala, a self-directed learning center to discuss what parents can do when the in-laws overindulge their child.

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    The straight-out advice of Pangilinan-Buizon: Accept it graciously when grandparents spoil your children. “When it comes to parenting, sometimes you have to be flexible and make adjustments, especially when your in-laws are in love with your children.” She adds the children know the rules and will seek their parents’ permission when they know that Lolo and Lola are ‘overindulging’ them.

    Both experts say that if the grandparents see the kids once in a while, there should be no harm in allowing them to spoil the kids during visits.

    “Spoiling the kids is their way of showing their love, and in my case, I really explain to my kids to appreciate what they are given kasi not only can I not stop my in-laws pero two grandchildren na lang sila sa in-law side, and we don’t see them that often,” puts in Dela Cruz. She adds the gifts her children receive become reminders of their Lolo and Lola when the children don’t see them.

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    The grandparents’ generosity becomes a great balance when it comes to giving the kids their ‘wants’ adds Dela Cruz. “When toys or other ‘wants’ are last on our list of priorities, I remind my self na pag nag punta naman kila Lolo they are showered with gifts so because of that parang nabibigyan ng balance in giving the kids what they want,” she says.

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    3 things parents can do when the grandparents spoil their child

    If you feel, the in-laws are going overboard when it comes to your child, here are a few gracious tips that should help you meet them in the middle:

    1. Give alternatives.

    If the in-laws are going overboard in the lavishness and amount of gifts they give, communicate to them options that might be more useful for the child. Instead of a gadget, you may suggest a ticket to a museum or sponsoring summer classes for toddlers instead.

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    2. Make the grandparents part of the solution.

    Giving their grandkids sweets and other junk food without any limit is one of the common ways grandparents overindulge their apos. The balance this, the trick is to make them part of the solution according to Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

    “Acknowledge that you totally get that they like to indulge their grandchildren, but you need to set a few ground rules,” she says, adding that you can enlist their help, in say, avoiding tooth decay by asking them to give your child healthier snacks.

    3. Grandma’s rules are different from ours.

    The rules you set at your home may not be the same at grandma’s house, even if you all come from the same family tree. So when grandma and grandpa overindulge your kids at their place, you can let it slide but explain to them that in your home, the same freedoms may not apply. This way, expectations are set and add to your anti-spoiling efforts, says Murkoff.

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