‘I Was Made To Believe I Couldn’t Be A Good Mom’: Dimples Recalls Being Judged As A Young MomNow that she’s ready to welcome her third child in her late thirties, she looks back at what it was like to be a first-time mom at 19
Dimples Romana could not help but breakdown and cry when recounting how she felt at 19-years-old, as a mom-to-be and new wife to Boyet Ahmee.
“When I got pregnant with Callie and got married young, I was terrified. And I was made to believe I couldn't be a good mom,” the actress said during a recent Magandang Buhay guesting.
It was at this moment when Dimples could not hold back the tears, leaning on her husband’s shoulders as she gathered and composed herself.
"You know when you're young, people have a tendency of looking down at you because they don't think you can do things.
“But every time I look at Cal, I feel I've proven everybody wrong, she added.
Nag-tapang-tapangan si Dimples
Callie just recently wrapped up her first year studying in a flight school in Australia.
Dimples said that back when her eldest daughter was growing up, she would pretend that she was brave even when she wasn’t–perhaps an effect of being talked down on.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
“Every time I look at her, how she speaks, paano siya bilang tao, paano siya lumaki, naisip ko yung maraming taon na sinubukan kong mag mukhang matapang kahit hindi ako ganung ka-tapang–was all worthwhile because throughout that time, she has given me the strength I needed to be the mom everybody would think I would be.
She added, “Callie had given me a future I wanted to look forward to.
“Kasi kadalasan people talk down on you because they think you can't do anything because you're young.
In an old Instagram post on October 25, 2021 to mark Callie’s first day in college, Dimples said she was told her career would be done if she started a family early.
“Sabi kasi nila noon, pag nag asawa at anak na daw ako, tapos na ang aking mga pangarap. I was told many ugly, hurtful things that got to me and made me feel unworthy of anything good, she wrote on Instagram.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended Videos
What happened next, to Dimples the first-time mom, was she believed and accepted the words spoken to her because she was understandably still getting to know herself.
“I listened to the voices of people whom I thought cared for me and my dreams–I was wrong, she said.
“Natutunan ko that if someone truly loves you, they will respect your journey and will always cheer you on with your personal choices and the path you want to take on.
She added, “They will love you no matter what. They will bless you with their unconditional love and friendship.
No wonder Dimples was so appreciative of her friends, Bea Alonzo and Angel Locsin, who recently threw her a surprise baby shower, saying how much love they gave their family.
Wala sa edad ang sukatan ng tao
Dimples said, “kadalasan people talk down on you because they think you can't do anything because you're young. I think that's wrong.
She said, “I think regardless of age, tumanda, nasa tamang edad–hindi ko nga naintindihan sa totoo yung term na yon–or bata ka pa, I think people should look at you because tao ka and you are able.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
The almost mom-of-three credits Callie for teaching her to be a good mother. “Naging mabuti akong ina because of Callie, she said.
“Callie was the very first one that I gave birth to and every time I look at her, I feel like whatever achievement I have done at work, or with anybody, does not compare to the kind of achievement I think I have done with her, with Boyet too.”
3 questions parents who experience judgment can ask
Young parents know judgment well, but it’s a reality for all parents. Parents often receive unsolicited advice about their choices and it might be the least they get, with the further end of the spectrum being the negative experience of Dimples.
Very Well Family explains the strategy against judgment best: “The key is to figure out what to tune in and what to tune out.
Here are three questions parents can ask when experiencing judgment:
1. Did I ask for their opinion?
Rewind the conversation a bit and think back if you opened the door by asking “What do you think?” It may be the reason why they are giving their thoughts.
Accept that you asked for their opinion and think about how you can be mindful of your words next time so as not to invite others’ ideas about your family.
If a post of your child garners tips in the comments from a friend or relative, that falls under unsolicited. Remember the earlier idea: is it worth listening to or something to tune out?ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
2. What was the intention?
Most likely, the piece of advice given to a parent which came out as judgment is coming from a place of concern. This is often the case especially in Filipino families, “Gusto ko lang naman tumulong.”
“If they seem to have positive intentions, you may want to restrain an overly defensive reaction,” says Very Well Family.
A piece of advice parents do not want to accept can be responded to with an acknowledgment of their intention. “Thank you for your concern.” This does not require the parent to follow the advice.
“It may be helpful to focus on their heart rather than their advice,” says Very Well Family. Remember this next time you go to a family gathering.
3. Am I reading between the lines?
“Sometimes it is easy to make the mistake of misinterpreting advice, says the site.
“We add meaning or emotion that was never intended by the giver. We replay the interaction in our minds and sometimes over-analyze what they said.
This can especially be true when parents have repeatedly experienced judgment from the same person.
Very Well Family reminds that in a digital world, emotions may be interpreted differently.
If you are unsure, you can ask for clarification. “Did you mean this ____?” Another is, “Can you elaborate?”
Remember these three questions next time you might feel like your parenting was judged or criticized.
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