A pregnancy loss is one of the most heartbreaking experiences for any woman. The devastating pain stays with you no matter how many years had passed, and the memory can catch you off-guard like what singer Kyla experienced recently during a performance.
During the launch of her latest album, “The Queen of R&B,” at Eastwood City, Kyla performed some of the songs on the record, including one that was titled Proper Heartbreak, which was about a relationship coming to an end.
In a video shared by ABS-CBN News, Kyla, who is a mother to Toby Elsiah, 4, and happily married to basketball player RichAlvarez, explained to her fans at the launch that she was able to relate to the song differently.
"Itong kanta na 'to, because of an experience na nangyari last month, it gave a different meaning to the song," she said. “Noong pinapakinggan ko siya, sabi ko, 'Bakit ako umiiyak kung hindi ko naman siya na-e-experience? But naka-relate ako in a different way."
“I know an angel is watching over me right now,” Kyla added, her voice breaking.
She also got teary-eyed at one part of the song when she sang the line “I’ve got to let you go.” She apologized to the audience afterward, saying, “Minsan talaga nagiging vulnerable tayo. You can never be really ready for things like that to happen. I was never prepared, but I know there’s an angel watching over me right now.”
Though the singer did not explicitly say what she went through, her management, Cornerstone Entertainment, confirmed with ABS-CBN News that she suffered from a miscarriage last March.
InSmartParenting.com.ph’s Parent Chat and SP Village Facebook group, we’ve had moms share what helped them survive their miscarriage. But many also reach out to moms to ask how they can move on. Many moms cannot help but feel they must have done something wrong that led to them losing their unborn child.
For one Parent Chat user, losing her baby was “very depressing, emotionally draining, and faith-shaking.” She said that she almost lost her husband as well because she found fault in everything that he did, but at the same time she felt guilty and sorry for what happened.
Another user who unfortunately suffered two miscarriages shared that she blamed herself for the loss of her babies because she was very sickly at the time.
Women should know that most of the time a miscarriage is caused by genetic abnormalities — no one can prevent it from happening.
“In most cases, there’s nothing you can do to cause a miscarriage and nothing you can do to prevent it,” says Dr. Siobhan Dolan in an interview with Parents. She is a medical advisor for the US-based non-profit organization March of Dimes and an attending physician in the University Hospital for Einstein in New York City.
But that doesn’t mean that the pain felt is any less. Like Kyla, the grief you feel when you lose your child can stick with you for a long time.
“It’s my second baby’s second death anniversary na next month, and it still hurts a lot,” writes another Parent Chat user. “Nung first few months, I cried every day. I don’t think I’ve moved on. Namanhid na lang ata ako. I still cry kapag holidays and birthday [niya].”
One Parent Chat user wondered out loud about moving on. “Nalulungkot, nasasabik ako magka-baby, but OB said bawal pa mabuntis within three months. Ano gagawin ko within three months, mag-pray lang?”
A fellow Parent Chat user replied with her message of support. “Mahirap sa simula, pero time heals all wounds. Hindi man natin makakalimutan pero makakasanayan na rin natin,” she writes.
She also says that while she experienced miscarriage twice, she was finally blessed with a healthy baby girl. “Super worth it lahat ng hirap at paghihintay.” (You can still have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage. Read success stories here and here).
In our SP Village Facebook group, one mom who was pregnant at eight weeks shared that when she had her first ultrasound, no heartbeat was detected. A day later, she posted on our Facebook group that upon her ob-gyn’s advice, she needed to let the baby go. She was met with an outpouring of love and support from fellow moms in the Village.
For those who have not experienced the devastation that other moms have gone through, finding the right words that will comfort may be hard. But for someone who’s just suffered a painful loss, letting them know you're there to listen is what they need — and more often than not, that is already enough.