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Mom Who Went Through 5 Miscarriages Shares What Gave Her Hope
PHOTO BY courtesy of Gracey Jimenez
  • It doesn't matter if it was five or 42 weeks. The moment the mother knows there is a little seed of life inside of her, she is already a mother.

    Most women would give everything to hold a baby in their arms. But what if fate seemingly plays with you and takes away all your hopes of becoming a mother. What if you lose one pregnancy after another? Would you lose hope? Would you get angry with God?

    Losing a pregnancy is very common for women who have reproductive immune disorders (RID) (know the different categories here). With this condition, the woman's body rejects her pregnancies, resulting in a miscarriage. In the past, women are most likely informed about RID, or more generally (but misleadingly) known as APAS only after the second pregnancy loss. With the increased awareness about the condition, many women go through the test to save themselves from future possible pregnancy losses due to RID.

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    Gracey, a good friend of mine, lost five pregnancies before she held rainbow baby, Isabella. I could not imagine the pain she went through. I only had two, and it broke my heart into a million pieces.

    After five miscarriages, Gracey finally gave birth to her rainbow baby Isabella.
    PHOTO BY courtesy of Gracey Jimenez
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    Going through five pregnancy losses

    It was after her fourth miscarriage that Gracey was asked to go through all the tests. She was positive in three out of five RID categories. Despite receiving treatment during her fourth and fifth pregnancies, she still lost her babies. 

    Gracey tormented herself with questions. She often asked in resentment, frustration, and anger, "What have I done wrong to deserve this kind of pain?" 

    RID treatments are not cheap. The tests cost thousands and thousands of pesos. But more than the financial burden, the emotional aspect had weighed Gracey down more.

    "Na-challenge nito ng sobra ang pananampalataya ko. Hindi ko alam kung magdadasal pa ba ako or what. I almost went to the point na feeling ko life is so unfair, nakalimutan na ba ako ng Diyos?" she recalled. "Saw myself one time in front of Mama Mary carrying Jesus, wala akong ibang nasabi kundi nais ko lang naman makarga din gaya ng imahe nila yung sarili kong anak. Ganon lang kasimple pero bakit parang ang hirap mangyari," Gracey shared.

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    Prayers helped her, but she also added, "Aside of course, from the Lord, it was my husband who helped me get through this. Pinasasalamatan ko siya ng buong puso at habang buhay sa pagsusumikap niyang maipagkaloob sa akin sa amin ang aming anak," Gracey said.

    "Kadalasan tayo ang pinasasalamatan ng ating mga asawa sa pagbibigay sa kanila ng anak. Sa akin baligtad, sya yung pinasasalamatan ko kasi sya yung nagbigay daan para maisakatuparan yung pangarap ko na maging ina."

    Gracey credits her husband for helping her go through the tumultuous journey of carrying their Bella, who is now 3 years old.
    PHOTO BY courtesy of Gracey Jimenez
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    What women suffering from APAS and other RID should know

    Despite everything she has gone through, Gracey is an epitome of faith and positivity. Her light radiates when you talk to her about her journey, and she talks to many RID women almost every day who ask for her support. Gracey imparted these pieces of advice for all couples going through the same struggles.

    Do not let other people's opinions affect you

    "Sa walong taon naming paghihintay kay Isabella, narinig ko na yata lahat ng pwede kong marinig. Iba't ibang masasakit na opinyon at mapanghusgang mga mata — believe me, wala silang kayang gawin sayo as long as hindi mo sila ie-entertain," she stressed.

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    Live your life while waiting for your precious little one

    Don't hide, don't be too sad, don't pity yourself because you are strongYou faced life even with sadness in your heart. You pickes up the pieces of you that were shattered when you lose your little one. You were able to breathe again, to stand, and continue living even if you knew that a part of you was gone, too, the moment you no longer hear your little one's beating heart.

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    Do not ever forget that you are strong because the child that is fated to be with you needs you to be strong. Do not give up.

    Along with this author, Gracey Jimenez is one of the administrators the APAS and RID Facebook Support Group. They hope to spread awareness about the condition and provide a safe space for women and couples who are going through a difficult journey getting pregnant and sustaining the pregnancy.

    It is often difficult to pinpoint what exactly causes a miscarriage. Click here to learn about symptoms that might mean you have miscarried.

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