Declutter Without Guilt: Don't Tie Memories to Things

Does your house have that one space that is unofficially the “storage area”?

In a spacious house, it might be a spare bedroom filled with old clothes, toys no longer in use, and books from previous school years. For condo-dwellers, it is often a specific corner—under the bed, atop the cabinets, or worst of all, a side table or chair that is perpetually buried under used clothes and miscellaneous items. Things pile up so easily that you eventually forget there’s even furniture underneath.

Every day, you look at those piles and tell yourself, “Today, I will start decluttering.” But that day rarely comes. Between work, chores, parenting, and a long list of responsibilities, finding the energy to declutter is a genune struggle.

Smart Parenting spoke with Ally Canita, a mom of two and decluttering expert, to ask the question most parents have: “How do we declutter?”

“Rather than asking how, ask yourselves: why do we need to declutter?” Ally answered with a thought-provoking perspective.

“Our space has a huge impact on our lives—mentally, emotionally, and physically,” Ally shared. Her insights stem from her experience as a mom living in a condo and her background in founding decluttering businesses.

“Before you start, ask yourself, 'Do I need the extra space? Do I want a more organized drawer? Do I need to let go of clothes that don’t fit the kids anymore?’”

The goal can be as simple as clearing a workspace or as complex as processing the belongings of a loved one who has passed away.

“In simpler terms, decluttering is basically magbawas ng gamit. Magtanggal ng kalat,” Ally explained. She believes that tending to our surroundings helps develop a calmer, more focused mindset.

“Hindi lang ito all about cleaning up, it’s about our mental space, emotional well-being, and physical health. Ang daming respiratory illnesses ang pwede nating makuha sa corners ng house na hindi malinis, dagdag pa ang pests.”

Decluttering is always easier said than done. Often, we look at the piles and tell ourselves, “It’s okay. I’ll do it another day.”

For many, there is an additional barrrier. How do we start if we are feeling sentimental? What if the room belongs to a lost loved one? What if a drawer holds items meant for a child who never came home, or toys that remind you of your child’s toddler years?

It can feel suffocating. The moment you open that drawer, the tears start to roll, and you find you can’t touch a single thing.

Ally offered these practical tips for decluttering when emotions get in the way:

Identify an area: Choose one specific spot that needs the most attention. For parents, it might be a cabinet overflowing with outgrown clothes. For others, it might be a room that needs to be converted for a new purpose— like a new baby’s arrival or a much-needed home office. Ally’s advice? “Focus on one area first.”

Sort first, decide later: Because of the sentimental value, Ally suggests sorting items without making immediate decisions. “The practical step is just to sort the things. You don’t need to decide whether to throw them away or donate them yet. Just identify what is there. There are no decisions involved in sorting.” This allows you to see the volume of what you have, such as realizing you have several spare pajamas that don’t fit anymore. It’s the same thing with kids’ toys and books they’ve already outgrown or lost interest in. Sometimes, there are replicated items. “For example, when you sort your kids’ toys, he has 4 or 5 chess boards because he likes them and other people gave them to him. You’ll realize then that you only need 1 chessboard.”

Reframe your thoughts: “Decluttering is not just an act of throwing things away; shifting your perspective is crucial,” Ally shared. “The first thing to think about is, do we associate the memory with the object? Do we remember how we feel about the person when we see those things? Pwede namang hindi associated sa things ang memory natin about those people.” Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, “We tend to tie up memories to things, but decluttering doesn’t mean we are completely forgetting about the person. We are only giving new life to these things, probably giving it away to someone who needs it more, selling preloved items, but definitely not throwing them away.”

Live in the present: Ally emphasizes the importance of the “now.” “We need to ask ourselves again, why do we hold on to these things? Because they remind us of a past memory. An important one, a sentimental season of our lives. But then again, if our house and our things don’t go through the same changes in our lives, we will get stuck in the past. Eventually, it will take us away from enjoying our present.” She advises that we should think about life going through different stages, and at each stage, change is inevitable. “May mga bagay na hindi na angkop sa life’s stage ng family niyo ngayon, kaya you need to purge specific chapters from the past so you can freely live in the present and eventually move towards the future.”

Ally understands the weight of sentimental decluttering. In fact, when she started her own decluttering company, one of her first clients after the pandemic was someone grieving a loss. “Don’t associate things with memories,” she repeated. “Even though it’s hard, it is possible.

Ally Canita is a motivational coach and decluttering expert who advocates for mindful and intentional decluttering. She is the co-founder of Clean Greenius, a decluttering company.

Still need more tips for decluttering? Here’s a simple 5-basket decluttering system to make it easy.