Couples Who Live In Are Less Likely to Marry: Dating Coach

In a study released by the Philippine Statistics Authority in 2023, the percentage of common-law/live-in marital arrangements increased to 14.7% (2020) from 9.2% (2015). The highest proportion of these common-law/live-in arrangements is among those aged 25 to 29 years.

A separate study from Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality (YAFS) showed that about 12% of the 20 million youth in 2021 are living in or cohabiting. These are youth aged 15 to 24.

The said study listed common reasons why women aged 20 to 29 consider cohabitation. Among the reasons are practical arrangements, romantic motivation, premarital pregnancy, practicality, relationship and family trauma, logistical difficulty, social media influences, and contradictions in religion.

In a recent episode of Hot Takes, dating consultant and founder of Matchmaking Manila, Coach Vee, talked about living in and why men and women see it differently.

Coach Vee, popularly known as a science-based matchmaker and dating consultant, sat down on ABS-CBN’s Hot Takes recently to talk about the complexities of modern dating.

The YouTube episode covered modern dating, including dating apps, situationships, and digital intimacy. She shares her honest thoughts on modern love, relationship expectations, what makes a connection last, and 'living in' or living together before marriage.

“Science has shown that people who live in with their partner are less likely to be married. I’m not saying na kapag nag-live-in kayo, hindi kayo ikakasal. But it’s less likely.”

“Why? Kasi magkaiba pala ang intention ng men and women when they’re entering into a live-in situation. Women, they’re thinking living in is the way to get married. Mag-live-in muna kami, tapos magpapakasal kami,” Coach Vee explained.

“Sometimes, for some men, pag nag-live-in, they think, “Bakit pa natin babaguhin? It’s working naman eh, para saan pa yung paper?”

She said, “If you’re going to live-in with somebody, it’s very important to ask them, ‘Magpapakasal tayo sa dulo ah?’ Para you have the same mindset. Because if you don’t have that discussion, sasabihin niyo sa dulo, ‘Masaya naman tayo, di ba?’ Tapos sasabihin ng babae, ‘Oo, masaya naman,’ pero deep inside, may resentment. Tapos eventually, magpapatong-patong ang resentment, pagkagising ng lalaki, wala na yung babae,”

In a separate interview, Coach Vee said, “When you slide into living-in first to test the waters, you are less likely to get married.”

“It’s very important to have that conversation in the beginning, ‘Oh, mag-live in tayo pero papuntang kasal to ah.’ Kasi ang nangyayari, nagkakameron ng sakit ng loob. Yung iba, 5 years na, 10 years na, walang singsing, walang planong magpakasal, diyan mangyayari ang away at samaan ng loob.”

“Sabi nila, living together is one of the best ways to test compatibility. That’s true din naman, pero that’s not a guarantee for a commitment. If you really want to live in with somebody, dapat meron pa ring boundaries,” Coach Vee added.

The dating coach and matchmaker also reminds us that in a live-in setup, women usually face more disadvantages. “There’s a chance of you getting pregnant; there’s a chance of being too emotionally attached, which is so high compared to men.”

She has a final reminder for those considering a live-in setup: “I would caution both men and women, na makipag-live in kayo kapag mataas ang chance na yan na talaga ang the one mo. Pero kung naghahanap ka lang ng kasama sa bahay, maghanap ka na lang ng kasambahay.”

Does marriage matter in raising young kids? Read the story of parents who are living together and raising kids.