Can We Please Stop Attacking The Ateneo Student Survivors?

TW: This article mentions death and trauma, which some readers may find distressing.

It’s already been argued in the comments section, particularly in Pia Hontiveros’ June 16 podcast episode with Ateneo Blue Eagles Men’s Basketball Team players Sam Reyes and Kieffer Alas, but this plea still needs to be reiterated: Stop attacking and blaming the student survivors of the tragedy that took place on June 8 at Dipaculao, Aurora. I wish this next sentence could just be ‘Full stop.’ But if I base my thoughts solely on the comments section of this podcast episode—not including other posts, reposts, memes, or actual chatter offline—this statement demands to be overstated. It even needs to be defended and qualified, and I am aghast that it does.

These are young men, barely out of their teens. They are not children, but they are not fully grown adults either. Developmentally speaking, they aren’t done growing yet: the prefrontal cortex, responsible for impulse control, decision-making, and emotional regulation, only fully develops in your mid-twenties. Their physique may say otherwise, but we shouldn’t be fooled: the young men of the Ateneo Men’s Basketball Team are hardly adults just yet.

Kieffer acknowledged his age in the same podcast interview, saying, “There are so much people putting the blame on me. Kaka-19 ko lang po.. It’s just too much. It’s just hard, man. I didn’t think I’d be experiencing this.”

Isn’t it obvious that the students in Aurora survived a horrifying experience that would make any adult crumble? These students were in the water too, fighting for their lives—some trying to save others while also trying to survive. Put yourself in their shoes for a second: Have you ever had a brush with death? Have you ever fought for your life against rip currents? Many of us commenters on the Internet, I very well hope, would answer ‘no’ to these questions. If that is your answer, may it stay that way for many, many years—may you never answer ‘yes’. How, now, can we be so quick to comment: If you really wanted to help, you shouldn’t be telling your story in a podcast? We do not know the fullness of their experience. Where do we find the audacity to tell them what they should and should not do with their grief and process? Helping find justice for Rene Bartebonia and Divine Adili’s untimely deaths will not be found in castigating their teammates.

Kieffer and Sam’s interview revealed a side the Internet may have missed—if you bothered to listen to the full podcast without judgment. The students who returned home from the training carry guilt for ‘not doing more,’ as Sam said, and grief over losing ‘brothers,’ their teammates.

"It’s just hard, that the comments that they’re saying that we did it because we’re jealous. It’s just killing us. Because we were there. We lost two of our brothers. Sobrang sakit po na… Nabuhay po kami pero parang pinapatay po kami," said Sam.

Isn't it obvious that they are experiencing firsthand the loss that has enraged the Internet? "It’s like going through two deaths po. The first one was losing our two teammates, then now po being criticized for their deaths. We lost them. We witnessed it happen. Then every social media person, or anybody, they’re putting the blame on us," said Kieffer.

The worst a traumatized person can receive is insults, criticism, and blame for the tragedy.

“As a psychologist, one thing we know is that when something tragic happens, people naturally want someone to blame. It helps make a painful and confusing situation feel more understandable,” explains Smart Parenting Board of Experts member Dr. Gail Galang. “But when we direct that anger at the surviving teammates without knowing all the facts, we may be hurting people who are already grieving and asking themselves if they could have done anything differently.”

The child and family specialist adds, “Before posting or commenting online, it’s worth remembering that the people you’re talking about are not just names on a screen; they’re young people dealing with the devastating loss of their brothers in the team. So before you post, ask yourself: ‘Am I helping uncover the truth, or adding to someone else’s pain?’

Teacher Tina Zamora, who holds a PhD in Psychology and Family Life and is a Child Development Specialist and Parenting Expert, shared a similar comment: “Grief comes in many forms, and we cannot assume someone is grieving or not based on what we see. This is why sharing videos during cases like this should be discouraged because the other athletes are already judged without people knowing what they’re actually feeling.”

She added, “During Ateneo’s Townhall, it was even discouraged to ask them questions at the risk of retraumatizing them. That was the right decision. They are not criminals. Sadly, high emotions need people to blame, and they were caught in the crossfire.”

So this is the end of my plea: If all you have to comment is a criticism of these students’ experience, their reaction, and their grief, please. Sit down. Keep your mouth shut. Stop typing. You aren't helping anyone. You are the only one who feels better after publishing your comment, and respectfully, you are the least important person in this situation.