Online Grooming: Warning Signs Every Parent Should Know

Our children being on the internet daily doesn’t just give them a space to socialize with their friends and learn about the world around them. It also exposes them to all kinds of online dangers, especially cyber grooming.

Cyber grooming, or online grooming, is when an adult online predator builds a relationship with a minor, manipulating their emotions and taking advantage of their limited knowledge of the world and vulnerability, all with the intent to engage in harmful, inappropriate behavior, usually of a sexual nature.

Cyber predators are good at picking their victims and identifying which kids are extra vulnerable and easy to prey on. They usually look for signs of loneliness and insecurity in their victims, giving them the validation they crave from others but do not receive from those around them.

To build a relationship, these online predators start by complimenting their victims and making them feel understood. Another tactic they employ is using their victims’ interests and hobbies to get close to them and gain their trust.

Their overall goal is to make their victims feel seen and cared for. In some cases, they will also make the child feel as if they are the only person in the world who understands and loves them as deeply as they do.

What makes these online predators harmful is their anonymity. Everyone knows that online it is easy to hide your real name and to use fake names, profiles, and pictures. This is where their power lies and what makes it so easy to hide their true intentions.

So, as parents, how do we protect our kids from these harmful online predators? Here’s what you should look out for:

If your child is constantly talking to the same person online (and sometimes across different platforms), that is the first sign.

Online groomers start building the relationship by constantly being around their victims. In this case, where they can only connect through the internet, they will shower their prey with positive messages, compliments, and praise.

The biggest red flag of this step isn’t just the endless pile of messages, but the creation of a false sense of urgency. Online predators will demand their victims respond to them to keep the connection going, and sometimes they can get quite aggressive in demanding a response.

Sometimes, these messages will also include telling their victim to stop talking to other people or to spend less time offline with their family and friends, both to give their victim more time to talk to them and because it’s easier to manipulate their feelings if their time is monopolized by the predator.

So, if your child is always on their phone or online talking to someone they don’t know in real life and is slowly spending less time talking to their real-life friends and family, you can start being suspicious.

Another red flag to watch out for is secrecy, both to protect their anonymity and to hide their predatory activities from parents.

If your kid is keeping their conversations private and is not open about who they’re talking to or what they’re talking about, or is just being secretive about a part of their online life at all, like moving away from areas where someone can see what they’re doing online, then it is something you should be worried about and must look into.

Online groomers will pressure their victims to keep their relationship a secret, usually scaring them into thinking that they will get into trouble if an adult finds out about their relationship, or sometimes using their emotions and telling the kid that no one else will understand their “special connection.”

The ultimate goal of online groomers is exploiting minors by having the children themselves send their own pictures and videos and selling them online. If your child is taking pictures or videos of themselves and sending them online to someone you know is definitely not their real-life friend, you need to take action.

It is perfectly understandable to be overwhelmed by anger when you find out that your precious child is being targeted and exploited online. But to be able to have a chance at justice, you must stay calm and DO NOT let the predator know that a trusted adult has discovered what is happening.

You need to gather information and evidence to make a case to law enforcement, which brings us to step two.

Do not delete conversations or pictures and videos of your kid, no matter how tempting it is to do. All of these are evidence that you can use. Instead, take screenshots of entire conversations and save them offline, because anything sent or posted online can easily be deleted or hidden.

When you bring this evidence to law enforcement, these pictures and videos of your kid will not be shared or seen by anyone else outside the professionals handling your kid’s case and will not be exploited further.

Call 911 for police emergency assistance if available.

Then contact the Makabata Helpline 1383, which operates as a child-protection reporting and referral channel. They will guide you on how to file a case against the predator.

When all of this blows over, your child will feel extremely guilty, scared, and anxious. They will believe they have done something wrong to their predator, who manipulated them, feel betrayed by someone they thought was a sincere friend, and feel guilty toward you.

It is important to make them understand that they are the victim in this, that they did NOT do anything wrong, and that they were simply just a child who had no way of knowing what the real situation was.

In cases like this, it is important not only to teach them to be more careful online and to recognize the red flags themselves, but also to be careful not to take their independence from them, no matter how tempting it is.

Taking their independence, such as micromanaging their digital lives or being overly strict about their internet usage after this incident, will make them feel as if they are being punished for something they had no control over.

It is best to bring them to a child psychologist to help them recover from this traumatizing experience and to help them navigate their digital life safely.

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