Before Smart Parenting: From Infertility to Twin Babies

In Before Smart Parenting, we honor the grueling journeys that begin long before that coveted first day of parenthood—the quiet waiting, the unseen struggles, and the hope that keeps families going.

Most couples dream of starting a family the good, old-fashioned way, and hardly do they hope it begins with needles. But sometimes, that dream takes a different turn, because as with most things in life, it isn’t always clear-cut.

A month of trying stretches into years, and hope starts to look different. Their trying-to-conceive journey becomes a series of medical appointments and endless waiting. Along the way, they develop a quiet strength that only those who have walked the path can understand. Yet at the heart of it, the desire remains the same as every hopeful parent’s dream: to finally hold a baby in their arms.

For married couple Em and Johanna “Jouie” Dominguez, who have been together for 16 years, that turn led them to in-vitro fertilization (IVF). The process was far from easy after five years of trying, but it paid off. In December 2023, the best gift arrived: a pair of twins born just a few days before Christmas.

Also read: Here’s How Much Money You’ll Need If You’re Considering IVF

Long before marriage, Jouie, a Visual Communication and Web Designer, had a sense she might face fertility challenges. She was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) in college, and the conversations she had with doctors back then stayed with her.

“In the Philippines, when you need a doctor and you have PCOS, most of what they’ll tell you is about fertility even if you’re not in that mindset yet,” she said. “So I guess, in a way, I knew I was going to have a problem.”

She and Em had talked about having kids before, but when her niece was born shortly before their wedding, it sealed their decision to start a family.

“Having been in a relationship as long as we have, the topic has come up many times over the years. We’ve always shared the same views about having children, how many we’d like, and what kind of family we imagine having together. But when we met our niece, that’s when we seriously thought about wanting to have children.”

After trying to conceive naturally for a year or two without success, they decided it was time to seek medical help, a step Jouie initiated.

Smart Parenting (SP): When you sought medical help, what kinds of treatments did you explore?

Jouie Dominguez (JD): Initially, with PCOS, I was already on metformin. For other people with PCOS, that already helped with their fertility, but for me, it didn’t. When I talked to my OB about that, we then moved on to having an HSG (hysterosalpingogram, an imaging test to check the uterus and fallopian tubes). When that didn’t help, I actually tried switching OBs. With PCOS, a lot of OBs would keep telling you to just lose five to 10% of your weight and it will help. Siyempre, every time, it felt like I kept trying to lose weight. I kept trying different approaches to manage my PCOS and joined programs. On the non-medical side, I also did acupuncture. I experimented with supplements and herbal medicines.

After joining PCOS support groups, Jouie discovered a promising fertility clinic in Makati City that would eventually lead her to IVF.

JD: When I checked that clinic out, I saw that they had a symposium about the IVF process. I was like, okay no pressure siya kasi you could just join an online symposium and see what it was about and if it could help. So I joined that symposium, and that’s where our journey actually started. From there, at that clinic, we did IUIs and IVF.

SP: Did you have any expectations of how the journey would look?

JD: When I went into the IVF clinic, I was thinking medical help meant more success, right? Kasi if you think about IVF, most of the time you hear about the success stories. You rarely hear about the bad outcomes... So it was pretty jarring to connect and realize na, I thought going into it (IVF), ‘okay, this is it, we’re going to have a baby.’ But it turns out it was just the start of a very long journey.

Their first round of treatment did not bring the outcome they had hoped for. And as Jouie’s niece began reaching one milestone after another, it was hard not to compare—her progress felt like a constant reminder of where they were in their own journey.

SP: During your journey, was there a moment that felt especially low?

JD: After the third IVF, aside from the financial side, it’s really emotionally and physically draining—as in everything. In that moment, after we’d finally decided whether it was successful or not, we knew we were going to have our very last cycle. We were starting to prepare for that.

I have two sisters. The oldest one, before, said she’s not going to get pregnant. At the time, she didn’t want kids at all. She’s five years older than me and also has PCOS. Then, just as we were about to do our last cycle, I found out she got pregnant. It was a mixed ball of emotions.

For one, I was really, really happy na she decided to keep the baby. In my mind, she initially didn’t want a baby, so there was a future in my head na I’m the one who’s going to have the baby. Same with my younger sister, it was going to be a bonding thing for us. Then I found out that she got pregnant and it got me thinking, 'What if I don't get pregnant?' It was very emotional for me.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I guess it was one of the lowest points of the entire journey. Like, you wanted to be happy for your sister because you were going to have another niece or nephew, but at the same time, why is it so unfair? Why would she get a baby when she didn’t want one in the first place?

SP: How did you both help each other cope and become each other’s support system?

Em Dominguez (ED): Just by being there, supporting her always. It was a very difficult journey, especially ’yung time that we were failing and having a hard time conceiving. Yeah, just being there for her, being present, showing her that I’m there. I’m always there.

JD: And I think throughout it all, he was more of the optimist between us.

ED: Yeah, staying positive. Hindi naman ’yung parang toxic positivity, pero just being optimistic na we’re going to get through that crisis, that time na sobrang hirap for us.

They made it a point to walk 10 to 12 kilometers a day. What started as a way to stay active slowly became time for more honest conversations. Walking also helped take their minds off what they were dealing with.

SP: What do you wish more people understood about trying to conceive, or something they should know?

ED: It’s not easy. And it’s different for everyone.

JD: Yeah, it’s definitely different for everyone... In the bigger picture, always remember you’re doing this to create a family. In creating that family, remember its core: you and your husband. I don’t think I could have handled how our journey went, mental health–wise. I was depressed din. I wouldn’t have been able to get through it all if it weren’t for him. And for sure, it was also very hard for him.

Despite many attempts and cycles, and even when they almost let go of hope, a miracle finally came. Their twins, a girl and a boy, were born in December 2023. Even then, they shared that the early days felt unreal. After so many disappointments, they stayed cautious and guarded, afraid to celebrate too quickly or assume everything was okay.

SP: Can you tell us about the moment when you finally found out you had conceived?

JD: When we finally conceived, we learned it at the clinic, right? Actually, there’s this thing—it’s kind of depressing, in a way, because whenever I think about those sudden thoughts, like, “What if I die today?” I realize that if I did, there’s always just one specific picture in my mind: seeing his face, his laugh... I still have his smile, knowing we were successful, imprinted in my mind.

SP: How did you feel when you finally welcomed the twins?

JD: I guess it didn’t really dawn on me, because even during the pregnancy, I kept thinking, Is this real? Am I really having twins? I was on bed rest for most of my pregnancy. Even after all the infertility journey, it still didn’t fully sink in that I was actually pregnant with twins and that this would be successful.

So we were very cautious when the twins did come, parang Oh, is this real? And then, we couldn’t believe it because it was a lot of cycles, a lot of heartbreaks, a lot of mourning for a life that never came. So when it actually did come, it was more like, is this real? Are we awake?

ED: [We thought] will it be too early to celebrate?

SP: Do you have a message for other couples trying to conceive?

JD: What I’ve noticed with people who also went through an infertility journey, they’re saying, remember we said na parang it was supposed to be our last cycle na. Like whether it was successful or not, we would be happy, whatever the outcome was.

With those other couples na we heard this from, a lot of times, they let go. They stopped thinking about it. Whether it happens or not, we’re going to be happy. So I think it’s that, just let go. I know it’s so hard, and I hated that advice when we were trying, but it made so much sense... So if you can, try to let go of things.

ED: Try not to overthink it.

JD: Another thing is, when you’re going through a fertility problem, sometimes even your closest friends who are not going through the same thing might not understand you. But it doesn’t mean they’ve lost interest in your life. It’s just that no one would entirely understand what you’re going through.

Because it’s a different journey, and a lot of emotional, probably hidden baggage and emotional things will definitely come up, and you will have to deal with those things. So like, I guess it would also be helpful if you try to let go of things.

Besides those, Jouie and Em have one more piece of advice for couples. They emphasized that navigating infertility is a journey that requires unity and communication.

As Jouie said, “There will be a lot of noise coming from people and society, even from friends. Just always remember that you have your partner, or the person you’re doing this journey with. Always rely on that person, and talk to each other, because that will be your foundation. Even if it’s successful or not, that path will always be one you have to go through [together].”

Em added, “For the husband, be supportive of your wife. Just always be there for her, show up every time. She needs you. It’s a two-person team trying to conceive. If there’s a problem with one of the couple, it’s not just them—it’s both of you.”

After everything they went through, Em and Jouie are finally where they once only hoped to be, raising their twins one day at a time in their home in Australia.

Curious about IVF? Click here to learn what it’s like to go through the process.

Editor’s note: Quotes were edited for clarity and brevity.