Dear Parent, Your Marriage Is Stronger Than The Wait

Dear Parent,

I’m sure you remember that moment when you and your partner decided to start a family. That feeling of excitement and hope that came with the thought of soon welcoming a little one into your lives. Like many other couples, you probably felt that it was the right time.

I know how much effort and planning you’ve put into this journey. The time and resources you’ve dedicated to keeping yourself healthy, preparing your body to nurture and love your future child. You’ve prepared your heart, your family, your home. Everything feels ready, yet somehow, you’re still waiting. You couldn’t help but feel the crushing disappointment every time your period arrives. It’s hard not to feel the weight of that moment every time, as if it’s a reminder of what has not happened yet despite all your efforts.

Then there’s the comments–the well-meaning but sometimes painful remarks from family and friends. The casual question, “Bakit wala pa kayo baby?” during get-togethers. The teasing jokes of whether “Alam niyo ba talaga paano gumawa ng anak?” that feels like a knife twisting in the wound. And how you paste on a smile and offer congratulations to others joyously sharing their baby news, even while you only feel despair. I know that each time you hear such words or news, something inside tightens, even as you put on a brave face. You try to stay strong, but it’s hard not to feel inadequate, as if this defines you, even though you know it doesn’t.

Yet, you hold yourself together, showing up and cheering on family and friends. You make space for joy, for love, for laughter–even as you count down the days until the next pregnancy test. You go through the motions of everyday life, even as you schedule doctor appointments, have tests done, follow every prescription. Through it all, there’s that quiet hope, lingering in every thought: “Maybe this will be the month. Maybe this will help. Maybe this time it’ll be positive.” And while that hope is beautiful, holding on to it can also be exchausting when the results remain the same as before.

The toll is not just emotional–it’s physical and financial, too. You’re doing everything you can to boost your chances of conceiving, while also managing your career, family duties, and home life. Some days, it feels like you’re runing on empty, juggling everything and holding onto hope that everything will pay off. 

But through the tiredness, frustration, and heartache, always always hold onto two things: Hope and love. Hope that one day, soon, your time will come. That all the love, effort, and patience you’ve poured into this will lead you to the family you’ve always dreamed of.

And hold onto love. Just like other couples, it’s essential to remember that your marriage and partnership are built on love. Alternating between hope and disappointment, along with external pressures and intrusive comments, can strain even the strongest relationships. Through it all, focus on what truly matters–your bond, your love, your partnership. Remember that while the desire to grow your family is natural and beautiful, a child does not define a successful marriage. Your relationship, respect, and love for each other is your family’s foundation, whether children come along or not.

Don’t get lost in the pursuit of parenthood. Don’t forget to nurture the relationship that brought you here in the first place. Take your time. Enjoy life as a couple. Find joy in each other and your shared life. Your love and companionship remain at the heart of your marriage. And soon, your time will come.

Read here for Verniece Enciso and Alf Dichaves’ insights on love and ttc.