Mom we Love: Delamar Arias

In the fast-paced world of showbusiness, seldom do partnerships last long, and those that do remain there for a reason. For more than a decade now, Chico and Delamar have been making people smile, laugh, and cry with their radio program “The Morning Rush” on FM radio’s RX 93.1. Since 1996, their voices have been the inspiration of many avid listeners as they brave the traffic on their way to work or to school. In fact, their tandem works really well, people thought (still think, actually) that they are linked in a special way! Their chemistry is, indeed, one-of-a-kind.

And as a testament to the massive following their show has, they recently published a book, “The Best of Chico & Delamar's The Morning Rush Top 10”, under Summit Publications. It compiles some of the funniest, scariest and weirdest top 10 entries they’ve ever received over the years from hundreds of loyal listeners to their program. In fact, the book has already had its first reprint due to the demand.

And while both Chico and Delamar are public figures, not many have gotten the privilege of knowing how they are off-air. For instance, Delamar (yes, that’s her real and full name), who recently gave birth, is enjoying her role as a doting mom to her beautiful baby boy, Cooper Matteo, who was born last October 11, 2011.

Smart Parenting Online recently had the chance to sit down with this woman whose voice – and face – is recognized and loved by her many radio listeners.

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Unplanned (and unexpected) motherhood
Delamar’s voice, demeanor and look betray the fact that she’s 38 years old, aside from the fact that she adopts such a youthful disposition in life. A self-confessed coffee addict, an active Yoga practitioner and a hiking enthusiast, she actually already knew as early as her late twenties that the idea of her becoming a mother was out of the question.

At age 27, she was told by her OB-Gyne that given her many medical conditions, it seemed highly unlikely she’d ever get pregnant. She seemed to have everything that would push motherhood farther and farther away from the horizon: ovarian cysts, endometrial polyps, and she even underwent an operation that further lessened her chances of conceiving. Thus, she would often be told by well-meaning friends, ‘Magpa-baby ka na lang, para may kasama ka.’

Being an open-minded person, though, Delamar had nothing against the idea, but still stood by what she believed in. “I would only want to have a child if it’s the product of a good, stable relationship,” she says. I always thought (that) since the world is so harsh, you might as well have that nest of a good family to be born into. I didn’t want the burden of rearing that child na ako lang kasi feeling ko a child needs - at least - both a mom and a dad.”

While Delamar has had her fair share of relationships, becoming a parent or prospects of getting married were not even being considered at the time.

When she found out that she was pregnant, she was first dumbstruck and she couldn’t believe it, given the odds, and her age. But when a second pregnancy test came out positive, she became distraught with fear and didn’t know at first who to tell or turn to. She actually hid the news for a good five days.

“I didn’t expect it, and to be honest, I didn’t want it, because of the situation,” Delamar recalls. “There were just fears because of the situation, but the pregnancy itself – I couldn’t be happier, kasi I didn’t expect it, and I didn’t even, to be honest, want it. I have an idea of family and how kids should be brought in this world, and obviously I didn’t follow it, so the reservation was coming from there.”

“There was a dream that was shattered, kasi one thing you said you wouldn’t do happened to you,” Delamar says. “But then when I thought about it, you weren’t supposed to get pregnant ever, but then here you are, against all odds, age, your medical condition, everything."

 

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Spreading the word

Delamar decided to tell one of her friends, a former DJ, about the news. A lot of things were going through her head. “I was just worried about the reaction of my family, my listeners, my job, how [the baby] would affect it,” she says.

She then told her family about the child she was carrying, which was gladly received by her two brothers and younger sister. Unfortunately, her father had a difficult time accepting the news.

Despite this, Delamar is ever grateful and appreciative of her siblings’ support, which she relates to us in between giggles.

‘O, tama na ‘yang kape ah.’
‘O, mag-hire ka na ng driver.’
‘O, hanggang kailan ka sa opisina?’
‘O, are you eating this and not eating that?’

Delamar knew she would need to announce the pregnancy on the show sooner or later, and also because she realized there was just no point in hiding it from the public. “It’s impossible not to say, because people come here, we’re on Facebook,” she thought. “I just need to be truthful every step of the way.”

So she asked permission from the management and when she finally did let the listeners know (she was already around three months at the time), it created so much buzz that Delamar remembers it even landed on a news website that same day.

Overwhelmed with the love and support of listeners and fans, Delamar promised to herself that she would keep doing The Morning Rush as much as she could while she was pregnant, until the very last minute. “I really planned to do the show until the last day possible,” she says.

 

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The happiest pregnancy ever

What initially struck her with shock was eventually replaced with a feeling of excitement, as the joy of soon becoming a mother washed over her. “Apart from the shock of it - there was fear obviously - but after a while – ‘Hey, I’ll be a mom! When I got used to the idea of the pregnancy, then I was quite happy about it. Oh my God, I’m spawning!”

Although a big coffee drinker (she says she drinks as many as three cups in a day, and she actually brings along coffee sachets in her bag), Delamar soon gave this up for her baby. She also made sure she had plenty of exercise throughout the pregnancy. She would inquire about prenatal yoga classes and she would take daily walks around the subdivision where Cooper’s father lives.

In fact, Delamar recalls even hiking in the Grand Canyons at six months along in her pregnancy! “Hindi ‘yung friendly hike ah, I mean ‘yung hike talaga!” she explains. “I would just feel a little tightening, but I wasn’t scared ‘cause my best friend who was about the same age, said, ‘Your body actually knows. Trust me, it knows.’

And true enough, although Delamar was under a lot of stress, she just knew her child was going to be okay. “Hassle-free, hitch-free, it was great! I love being pregnant! It doesn’t mean that bad things weren’t happening around you, but for some reason, you’re just happy!”

Delamar was also careful about her diet while pregnant because of her age and the high risk, but she says she ate the best when she was expecting. “I was eating the best when I was pregnant. Masarap matulog, masarap kumain.” 

Her face lights up when she tells us this story: “I opened a bag of Cheetos and it was like heaven opened up. Grabe ang sarap! What variant is this? When you’re pregnant, or when you don’t know yet that you’re pregnant, everything tastes good!”

And other people could see how pregnancy was giving Delamar her radiance and positive disposition. “‘You’re beaming!’, people would tell her. “I was always in a good mood. It was generally a happy pregnancy. Having the baby itself was the happiest thing for me,” she says with a smile. 

 

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Cooper Matteo: "a gift of God"

It seemed as if God bestowed an early birthday present to Delamar when her son Cooper came out into the world on October 11, 2011, three days before she was to turn 36.

Delamar was in labor for 11 hours, but doing well and managing the pain ably. It was a good thing Cooper’s father, marketing professional and musician Tyler Ashby, was also there for support. At one point, though, she sensed that something was wrong with the baby’s heartbeat and told the father about this.

In just a few minutes, Cooper’s heart rate went erratic, thus the doctors had to perform a CS procedure on her and discovered that the infant had cord coil, had swallowed his poop and had developed pneumonia. As such, he was then rushed to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), where he stayed for a week. Delamar was so scared and worried about her son that as soon as her doctor allowed her, she got up - despite the stitches - and went to the NICU.

Now, Cooper is a healthy boy who makes anyone melt with his shy and rather pensive personality, made charming with his rosy cheeks and furrowed brows. “We chose the name Matteo because it means ‘gift of God’”, Delamar explains with a smile.


Thoughts on Parenting and Marriage

Because she strongly believes in the importance of a baby having both parents to guide him, Delamar and Tyler are both doing what they could to be the best parents to Cooper, despite the absence of marriage. “Not for any religious reasons, I just really believe that children need both parents,” she defends. “It just makes sense to me.”

In spite of their situation, Delamar is not closing her doors on marriage. “The only question is, do you get married because you have a child?” she asks. “Is that enough? Is that a good idea? What if it just breaks apart later on because it’s not the (best) reason? We’re just really careful about that, and there are so many issues around it anyway. I just don’t want to get married because I was pregnant.”

Delamar knows where to draw the line when it comes to thinking about her child’s welfare and still keeping her own happiness as a woman in mind. “What I do for my child is different from what I do for me,” she explains. “The marriage is about me and the dad, and though it has implications on Cooper, this is primarily between he and I. So if we’re doing it just for him, and it falls apart sometime in the future, there’s a world that will be broken, and he will have a hard time coping with that, kaysa ‘yung he comes into a situation where I’m there, his dad’s there, and we’re getting along. So that’s what we decided.”

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On criticisms and being a single mom

It wasn’t all well wishes and support that Delamar received during her pregnancy. As a matter of fact, people would express their disapproval and one mom even asked Delamar how she would explain to her child when he grows up that he has a different family setup from his classmates.

Delamar reacted by being realistic about her situation as not being the ideal one for her child, but still being firm in her belief that she still can be a great mom despite everything. She thought to herself, “You know what? A lot of people are saying ‘You’re a role model.’ I’m not a role model! I’m just a girl who has a job on the radio. You can use me as your cautionary tale for your kids. And I hate that idea. I’m not saying this is okay. More than anybody, I’m brokenhearted about the situation. But I’m going to make the most out of it.”

Delamar goes further to champion single moms and their dedication to rearing good children. She does this while pointing out that it can also be rather unfair to hastily judge single women as incapable of being good parents or being less of a parent.

“You’re a parent,” she points out. “Your job really is to accept the child with any fact of his life, whether he’s adopted, whether he’s being raised by a single mom or a single dad, or you’re poor, your job is to equip the child na ‘Ah ito ang buhay ko. Ito ‘yung facts ng buhay ko eh.’ ‘How do I live my life in a happy way and accept all of it and be okay?’ It will be up to you. If you make him feel like he’s less (of a person because) you don’t have a husband, that’s exactly what he’s going to think. But if you tell him ‘You know what, I didn’t marry your dad. But you’re in no way any less than your classmates. Then that’s what he’s going to believe.”

“How many single women have been out there and actually did a great job than women who were married? A lot! You can’t ever say. Parenting is so tricky – you could be a single mom and do a spectacular job, or you could be married, and do the most horrible job ever.”

At the end of the day, Delamar acknowledges that her life, her world, no longer belongs to herself, but rather to her child. All her decisions will become a factor in her own fulfillment as a woman and in making sure Cooper grows up well. “I was just really winging it,” she says. “Every step of the way, I need to decide what’s good for Cooper, what’s good for me. I realized that my happiness, actually, nakakabit sa kanya eh. If I’m okay, and the dad and I are okay, whether we’re married or not, he’s going to be okay.

 

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Delamar’s Top 10 Lists
We decided to turn the tables on Delamar, and ask her to name the top things on her list, in relation to parenting. Check out her answers below!

Top 10 favorite food/drinks while pregnant:
1.    Oranges
2.    Milk. “I never liked drinking milk when I got to working, but when I got pregnant, I loved milk. I would drink 3 glasses a day.”
3.    Yogurt
4.    Cereal with flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, etc.
5.    Chocolate. “I was never a big chocolate eater.”
6.    Spinach ravioli from a certain pasta place in the Forbes area.
7.    Cheetos
8.    Pomelo
9.    Hard-boiled egg
10.    Chocolate syrup in her milk, and in her cereal


Top 10 things you love now that you’re a mom:
1.    I love bathtime, with Cooper.
2.    I love giving Cooper a massage.
3.    I love cutting his fingernails.
4.    I love carrying him, no matter how painful it is on my back.
5.    I actually love lying down next to him without a separator.
6.    I love being able to come home and know that he’s there.
7.    I love reading him books.
8.    I love how people ask you, ‘Where’s Cooper?’ It’s nice if you know that people like your child. It’s better than them liking me.
9.    I like putting him in his car seat. Nakakatuwa siya. He gives me a smile when I put him on his car seat.
10.    I like taking pictures of him and putting it on Twitter or Instagram. I don’t like taking pictures kasi of myself. I don’t like it. Most of my content is about him.

 

Hair and makeup by Ara Fernando

Photos by Pia Puno