“Amazing Grace” Series: There is Joy Beyond Our Sorrow

Black Saturday, or Holy Saturday, is a time for “joyful grieving” – grieving, because we commemorate Jesus’ death on Good Friday yet joyful because we know that Easter is just a day away.

Today, we remember, too, our loved ones who are gone, and pray that they are enjoying their time in God’s presence in heaven, because of the glory of Christ’s Resurrection. We also take time to be inspired by the stories of two moms who experienced death in their families, yet chose to move on in faith and grace, believing that their loved ones had gone to a better place.

Vlelyn Ang, a homemaker in her 30s, is mom to five-year-old Patrick. She shares how she and her family bore the loss of her mother to cancer, and how they moved on from it:

In 2002, I accompanied my mom for a check up in Manila because we suspected that there was something wrong with her. She had previously experienced rectal bleeding and had collapsed twice. Doctors in the province couldn't pinpoint the problem. 

Mom was asked to get some tests and undergo a colonoscopy, and that was how it was found out that she had colon cancer. The whole family was shocked, but we never lost hope. She was advised to undergo an operation of the big intestine and chemotherapy, and we were hopeful that she would get better and live to see her grandchildren. Sadly, this was not to be.

Since I was her assistant and nurse at the time, I witnessed firsthand when she was in pain. It was tough, because I had to put up a front that everything would be all right, even though I was weeping inside. 
I couldn’t bear to see Mom suffer - undergoing chemotherapy is no joke. She felt sick and weak most of the time. We tried our best to cheer her up, which lifted her spirits and made her determined to get well. 

Mom put up a good fight. Finally, after two years of battling with cancer, my mom passed away. 

 

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But I wasn't ready. None of us was, even if my siblings and I are all grown-ups. Seven years after her death, we still miss our Mom. By the grace of God, my siblings and I were able to help each other cope with our loss. My husband remains very supportive of me. We grieved together with our Dad, and then we moved on with our own lives. Of course, Mom will forever be in our hearts and in our minds.

As a Catholic, I believe that what happened to Mom is all part of God's plan. I feel it is for the best because she is now in a better place - a place where she won't have to endure pain anymore. When she was still alive, Mom always reminded us that one day we would see one another again, this time, reunited with our Savior, too. It is this thought that keeps me and my family at peace and which helped us come to terms with her demise.

I am also grateful for what I have learned from our loss: first and foremost, that life is too short to be wasted on hatred; secondly, that it is important to let our loved ones know how much we treasure them; third, that it is important to take care of our health; and lastly, that it is easier to say “I love you” than “Goodbye.” 

I realized, too, that death is something inevitable. All of us will die one day but I believe the quality of the life we lead on earth will make the difference. I believe there is life after death - there is a Heaven where we will be reunited with our Creator when the right time comes. 

After my mother died, my relationship with the Lord was strengthened. Now, reading the Bible helps me feel “connected” to her somehow. Sometimes, when I am alone and I am faced with trials, I feel her presence. I open the Bible and I read a verse that comforts me. 

I am also grateful that I don't question God anymore. I just appreciate the blessings that come my way and show the people around me how much I care and love them. I think this is something all of us should do while we are still alive.

From Vielyn’s story of losing her mother, we move on to the story of a mother who lost her child, and how she eventually learned to surrender her experiences to God. 28-year old Kathy Tresvalles-Umali is a work-at-home-mom to nine-month-old Anaiah Gabrielle, and this is her story:

In November of 2008, I was diagnosed to have uterus didelphys, which meant that I had 2 uteruses and 2 cervixes. I was two months pregnant at that time, and if it wasn’t for the routine check-up, I wouldn’t have learned of my condition. This placed me on the “high risk” level of pregnancy. 

 

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Because of this, I was asked to go on bed rest for a certain period of time. Despite heeding my doctor’s advice, on New Year’s Day, 2009, I experienced non-stop bleeding and abdominal pain. On January 2, we went to the hospital and we were told that we had lost our baby.

I was in a state of disbelief so I scheduled an appointment at a different hospital. The night before my appointment, I sneezed and felt something come out between my legs - it was the body of our unborn child! My husband had to come to my rescue as I couldn’t bear to touch his little body. I couldn’t stop crying, knowing that he was really gone! At that point, I felt God take over. 

My husband and I became very depressed after that, and we questioned God why He took away our child. I tortured myself with unpleasant thoughts, and made myself believe that this happened because I was incapable of being a good mother. I wondered aloud why people who didn’t care for their children well were blessed with so many, and why we lost our little one when that was all we wanted. 

Six months after the miscarriage, my husband and I tried to conceive naturally again, but we were unsuccessful. We sought help from my OB, who diagnosed me to have an ovarian cyst that needed to be extracted as soon as possible. My right ovary was removed, further lessening my chances of conceiving.

After that diagnosis, I felt even more miserable. We bought a pet to help ease our loneliness, and thankfully, it did help. 

But we didn’t give up on our dream of having a child. We tried artificial means of conceiving, but after a year of trying, we were still unsuccessful. Finally, we decided to stop because all the stress was taking its toll on my health. We then asked our family and friends to pray for us. My husband’s dad, who is a pastor at the United Methodist Church, told us to bring our prayers to God and tell God exactly what we wanted. 
Heeding his advice, my hubby started praying for a baby girl. I didn’t really mnd much whether we had a girl or a boy; I just wanted to have a healthy baby.   

Then, it happened.

After a month of intensive praying and talking to God, I got pregnant. We went to the doctor and were given advice on how to have a safe pregnancy. My husband asked me to be on bed rest and stop worrying so as to avoid any risks. 

 

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After seven months, we found out that our baby was a girl! We were very happy. My 35th week of pregnancy came and I was rushed to the hospital due to contractions. I was given medication and, once again, we, together with our families, asked God to let His will be done. 

After a day, everything came back to normal. On the 37th week, during my monthly check up, I was found to be 1 cm dilated. With my uterus didelphys condition, a Caesarean section was the only option, so we scheduled my operation right away. 

Before the operation, I kept on praying for a healthy and strong baby. I was sedated and was unaware of what happened during the operation. When I woke up, I was already in the recovery room.

The first thing I asked was how my baby was doing, since I don’t remember hearing her cry or having her placed beside me. I was told that she was fine. When I was brought to the room, my husband finally told me what transpired in the operating room. 

Apparently, our baby was cut twice on the lower back when the doctor was slicing my uterus! At that moment, she was still under medication and strict observation. 

The doctor who had accidentally injured our little one apologized and I forgave her. I knew it was an accident and I trusted that God was in control during the whole thing. 

As of this writing, our baby, our “answered prayer,” is nine months old and very active. After all the suffering, grief and pain, I am now closer to God than ever and can truly testify that He really has beautiful plans for us. I learned, too, that God grants our requests in His time, according to His will. We should never be in doubt.

Photo by PotironLight via flickr creative commons