Lose weight. Spend less. Take a vacation. Be more patient. Live simply. When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, our list could go on and on. But how much of our promises do we actually keep? Blame it on our ningas cogon attitude (the Pinoy way of eagerly starting something but not finishing it), the temporary amnesia that hits us sometime in the middle of the year, or our inability to make really good, doable resolutions in the first place. But more often than not, the real reason is that we don’t know how to formulate our own resolutions.
The Four-Way Test
Vicky Cantada, senior counselor at the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM), says it can be quite a challenge to come up with resolutions. But with the right mindset—prior to listing down those resolutions—you can increase the success rate of your New Year promises. Start by answering these questions first:
1. Is there something that needs to be changed? “You have to be aware of a certain concern you want to change,” says Cantada. Are you and your husband growing apart? Are you always getting into arguments with your daughter because she can’t seem to follow your rules? Are you unmotivated at work? “You can identify these concerns on your own. Reading books and attending workshops also help because you start to reflect on your own experiences, and discover the need to change,” Cantada adds. And when you’re around successful people, you also tend to be self-introspective: What’s wrong with me? Then you become aware that something needs to be changed.
2. If you decide to make a change, what are the benefits? There are objectives or reasons why you think it will be better. Taking a vacation will mean you will be in better spirits at work and at home. Spending less could make you feel more in control of your finances. Losing weight will mean you can wear the clothes you want and feel better about yourself.
3. How are you going to go about it? It’s important to know what to do, advises Cantada. “Sometimes, you can do it on your own. But it is advisable to seek outside help—either through books or counseling.”
4. Is it feasible? Know what you can and cannot do. “For instance, you want to go on a diet, but you can’t serve the same food to your kids. Or you want to change your discipline style, but you don’t have an alternative. Or you want to tag along with your husband whenever he travels, but that would mean added expense. It has to be feasible in terms of what is real at that moment,” Cantada emphasizes.
Click here to see some suggestions on personal resolutions for 2011.
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Read on to see some suggestions on personal resolutions for 2011.
Some Suggestions
Resolutions are personal, and therefore, we can’t tell you what to list down for yourself. But Cantada suggest these ideas which may inspire you or encourage you to look into your own situation.
As a mom...
1. “I will make time to listen to my child.” Avoid putting your children down. The backbone of your relationship is that you are able to listen with empathy.
2. “I will do a lot of affirming.” Communicate with your family members in a more affirming and more positive way.
3. “I will focus on my child’s positive behaviors, rather than on punishment.” When disciplining your tot, focus on the cause and effect, or the consequences.
4. “I will be more involved when it comes to raising my child.” Learn more about your tot’s misbehaviors and understand how to handle him by reading up.
5. “I will praise my child more often.” In terms of motivating your little one in school, the key is affirmation. Affirmation builds self-esteem. Provide opportunities and activities that motivate your child.
6. “I will make conversation with my child more often.” Talk to your little one about problems in school. Think of solutions and solve these problems together.
7. “I will spend more time with my child.” Find out what he is into. Know what’s in his subculture. But also remember that you still have authority over your child.
As a wife…
8. “I will spend more time with my husband.” Some couples may have opposite working hours depending on the nature of their work (such as in the call center industry). Resolve to set aside time to be together as a family, say, at breakfast. Don’t say, “Wala eh, ganito talaga.” If you want a resolution, you have to adjust.
9. “I will have my own activities—apart from my husband’s.” Find the de-stressing technique that works for you—meditate, learn to enjoy your own company, and be reflective.
10. “I will pay more attention to how I look.” Keep your husband attracted to you by taking care of yourself. Get a nice haircut, and pamper yourself from time to time.
11. “I will choose my battles.” If you want to have less arguments with your husband, both of you should resolve to do this. You can’t say you want to have better communication when the other party has no response. You’ll just come into failure. Talk about what you want to resolve. Is your husband willing to do the same? You should first agree that there is a problem before you can fix it.
Click here to see more suggestions on resolutions as a homemaker, career woman, daughter and employer.
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Read on to see more suggestions on resolutions as a homemaker, career woman, daughter and employer.
As a homemaker...
12. “I will live a simpler life.” If the family budget is often running low, cut down on unnecessary spending. Awareness is important; you can’t always be in denial that you can afford a certain lifestyle when you no longer have the resources. Be honest with yourself. Also, review what values you want to live out.
13. “I will make time for myself.” Manage your time wisely such that there is time for yourself.
A mother tends to put all her energy into caring for the family, leaving nothing for herself. Learn to recharge and reenergize. If you like art or music, make time for it.
As a career woman…
14. “I will take on a job I love.” If you’ve been feeling unmotivated at work, ask yourself if it’s a job you really want. If you have no choice, find out what you can do to motivate yourself: Do you need a workout to get your happy hormones pumping? Or do you need to work on your relationship with your co-workers to feel that you belong?
15. “I will work with joy and enthusiasm.” Looking to move up the corporate ladder? Be more assertive and communicate openly with your employer. Tell your boss, “I want to improve on this, how can you help me?” Your superior cannot guess what’s on your mind. Be prepared with what you have to offer in return.
As a daughter…
16. “I will have space for myself.” You can’t always do everything for everyone, even your aging parents. Learn to juggle personal space and family needs.
As an employer…
17. “I will be more patient with my household help.” When dealing with your child’s yaya, take the time to teach her. Don’t presume she knows everything. You have to be extra patient and understanding.
Click here to see more suggestions on resolutions as a responsible citizen, and more tips on keeping your promises.
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Read on to see more suggestions on resolutions as a responsible citizen, and more tips on keeping your promises.
As a responsible citizen…
18. “I will make my vote count.” Hopefully, you registered to vote. Be aware of what these candidates are offering you and your country. Talk it over with friends and family, and choose wisely.
19. “I will play a more active role in the community.” Be a more involved citizen, and a good example to your kids. Teach them to do acts of charity. Contribute and give your time to those in need.
20. “I will be an informed citizen.” Knowledge is power. Keep yourself updated on what’s going on in politics. Be proactive! Go ahead and let your voice be heard.
21. “I will do my share in saving Mother Earth.” Be more “green-minded.” We are being bombarded by the media with information about preserving the environment. Be more involved! Don’t use plastic and make a difference in your own little way.
No More Broken Promises
The key to making—and keeping—New Year’s resolutions is taking little steps, says senior counselor Vicky Cantada of the Center for Family Ministries. Here, some things to remember:
a. Identify only a few problem areas. Don’t bite off more than you can chew; you’ll only get frustrated. It’s not a quick fix. If you’ve been doing it for so many years, it would be difficult to transform overnight.
b. Expect a slump. Things get worse before they get better.
c. It’s not a part-time thing. You should always be fully aware of your resolution. Write it down, as well as your strategy on how to go about it. Monitor it on a regular basis. You can’t resolve to change in one week, and then have a lapse the following week. You must be consciously aware that you really want to do it.
d. Focus on increasing better behavior rather than failures. Make a table. They say if you succeed 21 times, then it becomes a habit.
e. Balance your personal needs with the needs of those around you. For example, you want to balance family with work, but you have a big project coming up. You have to be congruent to what’s going on. Maybe you need to wait a while before you can achieve it.
Moms Speak Up!
“This year, I resolve to…Find out what these moms are cookin’ up for the New Year.
“…lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. I intend to achieve this by exercising more often and eating more vegetables.”—Lyla Gayao-Galvez, lawyer, mom of two
“…spend more time with my kids by leaving work early.”—Cleone Baradas, art director, mom of two
“…lose 10 pounds! I plan to make use of my gym membership and enroll in a nutritional program. As I grow older, I feel the need to live a healthier life, so I can spend more time with my family.”
—Melody Lalata, associate publisher, mom of one
“…experience the new! For some time now, I have been safely ensconced within my comfort zone, just waiting for things to happen. But I realize that life is short, and it is up to me to make things happen!”—Jing Lejano, magazine editor, mom of four
“…be more ‘handy’ around the house, and not rely on my husband or the repair man for simple tasks.” —Kris Pineda, office employee, mom of one
“…be more financially savvy by engaging in business, investing money in low-risk investments, and getting quality insurance. I also resolve to worry less, love more, and enjoy life to the fullest.” —Nikka Cleofe-Alejar, mom of three
“…improve my Finnish. I plan to study one hour a day, watch more Finnish movies, and listen to pop songs. I also want to read more Donald Duck comic books!”—Erica Cleofe-Kononen, entrepreneur, married and residing in Finland
“…get rid of my Facebook addiction by getting rid of my laptop which I bring everywhere with me.
I pray that I stick to this resolution.”
—Abbie Valmonte, bank employee, married
“…allow my own kids to hold me accountable for the things I teach them, to be wise about
my input (Web sites, books, music, friends) because as the
Bible says, it’s out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks.” —Noemi Elliot, mother of two
Photo from sxc.hu
SOURCE:
• THE CENTER FOR FAMILY MINISTRIES (CEFAM) is a ministry undertaken by the Society of Jesus and its lay partners. CeFam seeks to promote family well-being, healing, and growth. Their services include counseling for individuals, couples, and families; marriage preparation (CANA) and parenting seminars; academic programs and trainings for persons engaged in pastoral care of couples and families. Contact CeFam at 426-4289 up to 92 or cefam@admu.edu.ph. You may also visit their website www.ateneo.edu/cefam.
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