Now that women can enjoy a high-profile career alongside a successful home life and personal enjoyment, is contentment finally within our reach? Or does it remain to be an elusive concept to which we could only aspire? Four exemplary women answer the big question.
Lisa Macuja-Elizalde
Prima ballerina
Artistic Director, Ballet Manila
Mom of three
Can women really have it all?
“No, because you always want more time, and time is not something you can increase. As a mom, you always want more time to spend with your kids. As a career-motivated person, you always want more time to perfect your work. For me, as a performing artist—a dancer—I always want a perfect performance, and that never happens. You can be satisfied with the performance, but it is never perfect.
“If you delegate because you cannot do it all and the results are far from perfect, you may want to redo everything or just let it go and accept your limitations. You can be materially wealthy and secure; you can have children and a career at the same time; you can nurture your relationship with friends and family; you can travel and have the means to enjoy a holiday very well; but at the end of the day, you realize that lahat iyon ay may kapalit.
“I just came back from a holiday in London and Barcelona—yes, I was with my family 24/7 and we had a really great time, [pero] pagbalik ko, I was out of shape. It was hard to get back into form again. You really can’t have it all.
“You always try to do your best. People expect nothing but your best effort, especially once you reach a certain stature as a professional. But it all comes with a price. Look (shows her scars on toes and feet)—I have my battle scars. It takes a toll on your health— I may look extremely fit but I abuse my body every day (laughs)!
“I’m turning 50 this year, and I do plan to retire. I have two more years on stage. Again, you can plan it, arrange everything, make this swan song series a grandiose thing. But after my last performance… will I be happy, saying good-bye to the stage? I really don’t know. “You deal with everything, including aging and losing your ability to give your best performance because your instrument is dying from wear and tear (laughs). In the end, you just want to be able to say ‘No regrets,’ and enjoy your retirement. When you have that inner peace—peace of mind—and you stop wanting perfection in your life or work, then that’s when you can have it all.”
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Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng
President, Summit Media
Mom of two
Can women really have it all?
“You can’t have it all at the same time. You can have a good family life at one point, but you may be sacrificing your career or vice-versa. The important thing is to know at what point is it more important to spend time with your family and when is it more important to spend time at work.
“I cannot speak for other women. Many people say that as an entrepreneur, you have the freedom to spend time with your kids when you want to, which is, to some extent, true. But as you grow your business, or if you want to grow it, in a way you lose control of [this freedom] when an opportunity presents itself, and you can’t let it go. If you do, your competitor would seize it, and that would hurt your business in the long run. It’s not your choice anymore.
“The family always has to come first. On the business side, you really just have to find people who can help you bring your business to the next level. You obviously cannot do it yourself.
“You can define what having it all means. You can say, ‘Okay, I’m happy enough that I can spend one hour with my kids after work and I’m happy enough to have a business that’s stable but not growing.’ I think I should also be happy that way, but I have employees who, if I don’t grow the business, can’t get increases, and I can’t hire more people, and one day the competitor would eat us alive, so I have to think of this family as well.
“I’m content with what I have, but I definitely don’t have it all. There’s always the [demands of] family, career, time for yourself or with your husband. If you’re a very busy woman, having time for yourself is automatically out the window.
“Everyone wants to have it all, but I’m not even sure if I do. I’m happy the way things are working out for me. I have enough stress that pushes me to be better and enough successes to know I’m doing something that I love and am passionate about. I have had to sacrifice certain things for those successes. You just have to accept that life is all about give and take and not about being blissfully happy.”
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Tessa Prieto-Valdes
Interior designer
Columnist, The Philippine Daily Inquirer
Mom of four
Can women really have it all?
“Yes and no.
“Yes if you are the type who does not mind delegating: You assign key personnel in your staff at work and at home—someone to manage your finances, your work; another to manage your kids. If you don’t mind doing that, yes, you could have everything.
“No if you are the type who needs to be hands-on: hands-on mother, career woman; you do the errands yourself. Eventually, you get burned out.
“I have learned to compromise, although I sometimes feel like I’m shortchanging somewhere, like my kids. I’m not the one who brings them to the doctor—it’s the yaya. In the seven years that [my youngest] has been seeing her pediatrician, I’ve brought her only once. All the questions that need to be answered, I don’t know them—Yaya knows them. I don’t feel like I’m less of a mother, but I do feel like I’m missing out on bonding time with my daughter. I wish I could help out with her homework, but my attention span is so short. I’d rather we do some shopping together!
“I live life to the fullest and that’s what I believe in. Occasionally, though, it hits me: I have a husband pala! I haven’t been minding him! Once a week, I stop to reassess [my life] just to make sure there is that check-and-balance to see to it that the people who matter [are taken care of] and the things I need to do are done.
“Women are just masters of multitasking. We are so patient. We can get back to a process after [an interruption]. We’re built this way. Naturally, we could have it all if we want to. But if you do that, make sure you have a priority— whether it’s family, work, or relationships.
“Do I have it all? I do because of the people around me. I don’t have to worry about putting food on the table because my husband is in charge of that. I don’t worry about my kids because my yayas are in charge of them (one of them has been with me for 17 years now). I don’t have to worry about work because I have interior designers. It’s all covered because there are people behind it. But if you feel like you have to be the one in charge of everything, then no, you can’t have it all.”
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Anne Gonzalez
Managing director, Havaianas Philippines
Mom of two
Can women really have it all?
“A few years ago, I thought a woman could have it all. My view on this has since evolved.
“As more wedding anniversaries pass, our children get older, our business grows, and I experience and learn more things, I realize you can’t really have it all—at least in the sense of having everything you want exactly as you want it. I think it’s inherent in most women to want to be all things to everyone: a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, boss, and the list goes on.
“We try to excel in all these roles while finding personal fulfillment. I am learning that you do have to make compromises and that is not necessarily a bad thing. I am discovering that while you certainly should try, you can’t always give 100 percent and perhaps, it is better to focus on the things that mean the most to you and where you can really make a difference. I don’t aspire to have it all. I aspire to be content with what I have and to appreciate truly the things that matter.”
Photos by Alfred Mendoza
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