Dad We Love: Chuckie Dreyfus

A guy gets a girl pregnant after dating on and off for two years, she calls him five months later to inform him of her pregnancy. She gives birth. They work it out and later decide to marry. They have another baby. They live happily ever after.

No, this isn’t the plot to the next biggest serye on television; it’s the real-life love story of actor Chuckie Dreyfus and his wife Aileen, or Yen.

Fifteen years after Chuckie became a dad, we’re at the living room of the Dreyfuses’ modest townhouse for an interview and photo shoot. Chuckie, who looks fantastic after dropping almost 50 lbs to his current weight of 138 lbs after appearing on GMA-7’s reality show Survivor, indulges us with a retelling of their story and imparts to us tidbits of parenting wisdom.

“Sometimes the best things happen when you have kids, and sometimes mas natutuwid ang buhay mo pag may iniisip ka nang ibang tao,” he begins. “I was a happy-go-lucky guy until that happened. It was a blessing kasi naituwid priorities ko.” Chuckie was happily enjoying singlehood when Yen dropped the bomb on him, not to demand for anything, but to accord him the courtesy of knowing he has fathered her child. 

“After ng binyag, we decided to give the relationship a try again – partly because of our child, but also because we thought we might eventually realize that it could work. And it did. Think of it as a 4-year engagement.” They got married 3 days after Yen graduated from college.

The little boy grows up

Still possessing those boyish features after all these years, it’s hard to believe that Chuckie already has a 14-year old son and a 10-year old daughter. But when he begins to speak, you’d realize how much this former child actor has grown.

“My kids, they play outside. Hindi sila masyado nakatutok sa iPad or PSP. They appreciate patintero or tumbang preso or taguan.” Quite impressive, especially in this day and age when child’s play involves more gadgets than toys. “While they’re kids, I’d like them to experience this kind of stuff”. A solo child, Chuckie tries to apply the same principles he was brought up in in raising his own kids. “During my time there was no 24-hour cartoon channel, it was just on weekends, and there were only a few - Saturday Fun Machine, Sesame Street, Voltes V. Everything else in between, siesta ako or I play outside.”   

“Maganda yung nababanat mga buto nila, get some sunlight. Yang mga iPad, PSP, video games, nandyan lang yan. When they’re grown up they will have all the time in the world to enjoy video games, but you can’t play outside anymore when you’re older. That’s why we tell them to do it while they can, kasi when you’re grown and you weren’t able to do that, pagsisisihan mo.”

“Nung una si Yen ayaw nyang palaruin yung mga bata kasi baka madapa, masaktan. They were too pampered. I told her, let them run outside, let them play. Hayaan mo sila. If they don’t get hurt now, they won’t know how to cope later in life. They’ll look like sissies. Let them get hurt, let them fall down. Eventually she learned to let go.”

 

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Raising Ralph and Ella

Having broken into show business at a young age, Chuckie says he felt “deprived in a way, because I would be sleeping or catching up on my studies instead of playing like the other kids do.” Nonetheless, he credits the industry for his maturity and his people skills, so he doesn’t mind if either of his kids eventually would like to give acting a try. “Ralph is already showing interest, and I’m there to guide him. Besides, may tiwala kami sa pagpapalaki namin sa kanya.”

When it comes to raising kids, Chuckie thinks boys are easier to manage. “A boy’s struggles are easier. Pagdating sa lovelife, mas madali kausapin ang lalaki. When Ralph (who already has a girlfriend) tells us about his lovelife, we don’t make him feel embarrassed so that he would feel comfortable talking about it.”

He also intimates to us that he and Ralph already had “the talk”, which was prompted by an incident where a classmate of Ralph showed him a porn video. “He volunteered the information, and I appreciate that. So that’s it. I said, ask me everything and anything and I will explain it. He already had ideas and I had to straighten out whatever damage his friends had done. He asked so many questions.”

He attributes this openness to the way they relate to their child. “Our approach with kids is parang close friend lang, so they can tell us everything. Kasi if they’re open to us, I see no reason for them to seek advise elsewhere, like from friends, which is probably the worst kind of advice they will get. Of course as parents there’s still that barrier, but the friend approach - we think it’s working."

“Our little Ella naman, she’s very thrifty, very moneywise. She would buy candy from the store, then go house-to-house and sell them for double the price! Or, she would buy yung isang bundle ng stickers tapos gugupitin nya yun, then ibebenta nya ng P25 pesos each. She and her friends also put up garage sales, may flyer pa yan. Nakakabenta sila ha! Maabilidad. Ang galing!”

“May nag-aabot na din ng flowers dyan. Hindi ko pinipigilan kasi pag pinigilan mo she might think mali. But we tell her, wag muna ha, kami muna ni kuya ang lalaki sa buhay mo.”

 

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Homeschooling

Both kids have made the transition from traditional school to homeschooling four years ago, and Chuckie and Yen believe they are reaping the benefits. 

“In homeschooling, say, if your kid is good in English and he’s not that good in Math, kahit mauna yung English at mahuli yung Math, there’s no pressure to catch up. Our son, tapos na yung Language nya ng 2nd year, so incoming 3rd year (high school) na sya. He follows his own pace.”

Did they have to make big adjustments, since they came from a traditional school? “Hindi ganun kahirap, mas komportable if you’re coming from a traditional school to homeschooling because there’s so much pressure in a traditional school from your peers, and in trying to understand the teacher when the student-to-teacher ratio is 30:1. I’d like to believe na mas gusto nila itong setup na ito.”

Being a stay-at-home wife, Yen is able to oversee the kids’ homeschooling. “I have a newfound appreciation and respect for teachers – they’re underpaid, they work long hours and have to be responsible for how many students, they even take home their work, and do their lesson plan when they should be spending time with their family.” 

They caution, though, that homeschooling is not for everyone and requires a parent to be patient and thorough. “Hindi pwede yung pwede na, because at the end of the day, ikaw din mag-a-assess ng progress ng child mo,” which prompted us to ask if Yen is a patient person. Chuckie answers for his wife: “She is now.”

Chuckie’s day out

Chuckie’s new physique is not just the result of being in a remote island for a few months. “I dropped from 185 to 142 lbs in 5 months by going to the gym every day. My waistline is now at 28 inches, my shirt size is extra small – I have to shop for clothes from the kids’ section!” 

His showbiz comeback is “an itch I have to scratch”, but unknown to many, Chuckie is also an accomplished composer, creating songs for singers like Rachel Ann Go, Sarah Geronimo and Mark Bautista. “There was no formal training, but I loved music even during my That’s Entertainment days.I liked watching people sound engineer.” This love for the craft has driven him to put up his own recording studio, where he also works on other projects, including musical scoring for films.

 

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Tidbits

Thus far, Chuckie has learned a lot about parenting, which he breaks down into these 10 points:

• Take what’s good, leave out the bad. Some people emulate exactly what their parents taught them, while the broader minded ones would try to change what they think was not right in the way they were brought up. We try to instill what was good and thresh out what we think was not. We’d like to believe we’re doing the right thing, but the best confirmation that we get is when people tell us, ‘You know, your kids are very respectful, very mabait.’ It’s the best assurance na we’re doing a good job.

• Don’t underestimate your kids’ capacity to understand.

• Hear out and respect your child’s opinion, because sometimes it may turn out to be the right one. As long as it’s not confrontational, it’s not bad for them to reason out and voice out their opinion. We just always have to remind our kids that they’re still talking to their parents. We have to accept that they have their own way of thinking. Agree to disagree, basta may respect.

• Never talk to them na mainit ang ulo as much as possible, kasi dun nawawala yung rationality.

• Have expectations of your kids. Our non-negotiables: finish your studies, respect your elders, be courteous.

• Make them understand why rules are set. We don’t hit our children, because we know from experience that instead of instilling lessons, it only instills fear – and we don’t want that. Instead of understanding the message, they just force themselves to do what you want para lang hindi mapalo. 

• Don’t disagree in front of kids, they’ll see that as a conflict of authority between mom and dad.

• Be consistent with regard to consequences. When you aren’t, they will think, ‘hindi naman pala totoo’, or ‘baka makalusot ako.’ If you say it, you do it.

• Know your priorities.

• Work hard to achieve your goals.

“We also learn when we’re parents. Bringing up a kid is more gut-feel than it is planning. You wing it until you learn it. But know what works and what doesn’t, then adjust. Being a parent is innate – it just comes out, and you’ll probably make mistakes along the way, but so long as you know your priorities, it could be the most rewarding life experience you’ll ever have.”  

 

Photography by Dakila Angeles