Francis Kong is a very, very busy man. As President of Success Options Publishing Company, President of Funworks Inc. (the group behind science edutainment provider MadScience and founding member and director of Inspire Leadership Consultancy), he constantly puts on many hats every single day. Did we mention that he also hosts a daily radio program called “Business Matters,” writes a Saturday and Sunday business column for the Philippine Star, and regularly guests in the morning show Umagang Kay Ganda? A few weeks ago, he was awarded the Communication and Leadership Award by the Philippine chapter of Toastmasters International, the highest award given to a non-Toastmaster for excellence in these fields. This, and he’s also a motivational speaker and author of 14 books. That’s one classic juggling act!
But after all the talks, the seminars and the meetings, this man performs the most important role: being husband to his wife Lilia and being dad to his three children Bryan, 28, Hannah, 24, and Rachel, 19.
On His Kids: Leading and Managing Them
One can tell just by looking that Francis has a special bond with his family - they joke around, break into laughter at each other’s stories, and the children obviously look up to their father.
Francis must have a creative gene in his blood because all three are into the arts. The eldest, Bryan, for instance, a creative consultant for a popular bag company, is also drummer for indie rock band Taken By Cars.
“He’s considered one of the best drummers in the country now,” says Francis proudly, explaining that Bryan actually learned to play the drums from simply watching tutorials online. He also has the makings of an entrepreneur, having just recently opened his new restaurant.
Hannah couldn’t make it to this interview because she recently flew to Paris to take up a Fashion course. Rachel, the youngest, is taking up Multimedia Arts and manages a pet grooming business that she and her sister have ventured into.
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We couldn’t help but notice that all three have an entrepreneurial side, very much like their business-savvy father. “In the sense that they’re entrepreneurial, maybe yes,” Francis says. “But they would want to do things on their own, and I don’t want to interfere. I’m just there to support them."
Francis is a firm believer in the idea that each kid has a gift, a calling in life that is uniquely theirs. Having seen so many children growing up frustrated, forced to take up a course they didn’t really want to study or forced to marry someone out of obedience to their parents, Francis laments the resentment that develops, as a result. “I don’t want that to happen to my kids,” he says.
Francis’ idea of being a parent is not in ‘owning your kids’, rather, “some people call it stewardship, I merely call it leading them and managing them. So that’s the main reason why I don’t dictate to my own kids. I just support them and guide them.”
When it comes to the parent’s role in helping the child decide what field to enter, Francis has a realistic view of things. “You cannot be specific with what fields they should enter into because nobody knows –not even your kids, not even you. You can however be intentional, with the things that you need to specify on.”
Unconditional Love
Francis, a Christian, uses an approach to parenting based on a moral framework. He emphasizes to his kids the importance of being humble, confident, and knowing how to relate to people. “You’ve got to fix your attitude, because at the end of the day, people would love to do business with someone who is more likeable than somebody who is not.”
Making mistakes and investing in experiences are also important skills, Francis imparts. “You’re paying money in school in order to learn things. You also pay money to fail - in order to learn things. From there you move on to becoming wiser.”
A deeper understanding of his children’s strengths and weaknesses, particularly learning about the left brain and right brain phenomeon, was pivotal in allowing Francis to refine his parenting style. The theory goes that the left brain is involved with reasoning, systems and processes, while the right brain is involved with concepts, arts and music.
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Francis tells us the story of how his daughter Hannah initially decided to take up law because of the results of an aptitude test in high school. “I knew in my heart, ‘Lawyering is not for you, you’re right-brained eh.’ But I allowed [her] the process of discovering [her] own mistakes,” says Francis. “’Ah you want to take up law? Sure. Good! Okay, I’ll support you.’ The girl had a difficult time! And now that she realizes it, ‘Shift na kaya ako sa Fashion?’ -- I knew it!” That’s the only time he voiced out his opinion. “‘Ikaw pang-fashion ka, hindi law.’ She knew that I never condemned her; I knew she was wrong and yet I allowed her. So the confidence now rises.”
Francis also shares another incident when Rachel once came home crying because of failing grades. “She was saying, ‘I’m a loser, I’m a loser!’ I said, ‘Grades lang naman ‘yan ‘no. Just because you failed, doesn’t mean I love you less.’”
“That’s why we’re so close,” Francis says. “I never condemn them because I don’t want them to think that my love for them is based on their performance. I don’t want them to listen to me say, ‘I love you because you’re doing well.’ Instead, it’s ‘I love you because I love you.’ ‘Yun lang ‘yon. Unconditional.”
On maturity and being inspired to change
Hearing all of these inspirational words, you would think that Francis is a perfect father. But he himself admits to us of his realizations on past mistakes when it comes to disciplining his children. “I was harsh,” Francis relates. “They all received spanking from me.”
Francis confesses that as a child, he was disciplined severely by his mother. He realizes that because of this experience, he had projected onto his children the same thing. It was only when Francis joined the Christian community did he learn that a child should be embraced after he commits a mistake; embraced, and reassured that he is loved.
Many people don’t know it, but Francis actually spent six years in high school. He confides, “I was a repeater. Flunked my grades. Bad attitude. Fought my parents. Super immature.” Two years later, with nobody forcing him, he realized that he had wasted those years of his life. He resolved since to be serious about his studies. Thus he graduated top of his class in college and got the highest grade among all the courses. “That’s maturity - you can’t force it,” he explains.
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Francis has observed that when children fail in school and need to repeat, parents get mad and start looking for reasons why their kids did not pass, like ‘Maybe he had too much of computer games.’ But in their minds, they’re really thinking, ‘You just wasted your tuition, you just wasted one year of your life.’
Francis, on the other hand, looks at it differently. Maybe the [child] did not pass because the experience was not conducive,” he muses, reflecting on his own experience as a teacher and a trainer. “There are no such things as bad students, only bad teachers.”
“Maybe they’re not yet mature enough,” Francis says. “And then I’ll look at it and then I’ll say, ‘So what? They just lost one year. Big deal. If it would take them three years, I’m willing to invest - not waste - the three years, as long as they become mature enough to learn things in life.”
On being a father before and now
When we asked Francis how different it was being a dad to young children in his time compared to the present day, he shares that in terms of values, they never change, but in terms of the approach, they are entirely different.
“I hear a lot of parents complain, ‘Ang problema ng mga kabataan ngayon, wala silang tiyaga.’” but Francis is quick to set the record straight. “Hindi dahil sa wala silang tiyaga ngayon, kundi dahil marami silang options. Noong araw wala ka namang options eh. Now they don’t like one [thing], they’ll stop, they’ll try something else; and with the Internet and technology they can explore everything else.”
Another thing that Francis has observed is how much more expressive children are now with the proliferation of social media sites like Facebook. Where kids were told before not speak unless spoken to, kids today can simply share their thoughts online. “Parents themselves should be the first students in their home, not their kids. Understand their young world, find out what’s happening, and they’ll learn from their kids.”
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Francis feels fortunate because he gets a firmer grasp on how the modern world works because of his kids, whom he considers his consultants. “As parents, you’ve got to be humble enough to accept that this is no longer your time!” he says with a laugh. “Before I had my kids, I was a teacher, I was a lecturer. Now that I’m a father, I’m their leader, and I’m their cheerleader! Being your children – that’s a given; but becoming friends with your children - now, you’ve got to work hard on that.”
Because of his busy schedule (he cites how in a year he can be in Boracay six times and not have the time to touch the water even once), you may wonder how he fosters such a strong bond with his children.
He regales us with some creative family bonding activities that he relishes whenever he’s home. “When I’m home, we don’t have dinner in our dining room. We have picnics in the masters’ bedroom!” he shares. “Our house is a mess. But I’d rather have a messy house and a clean relationship with them than the other way around.”
Another way that they show how much they trust one another in the house is that the rooms and drawers do not have locks. “The children can enter our room anytime, they can open my drawers anytime, and vice versa … but we don’t do it. There’s a mutual respect for privacy.”
Time with the family may not be a luxury that Francis has a lot of, but when he spends time with them, no business meeting or work-related responsibility can interfere. “When I give more than 300 talks in a year and I travel, I can’t spend so much quality time with them,” Francis explains, “[which is why] every end of the year, for about 11 or 12 days, I’m 100 percent theirs. We go out of the country and when we’re together, [the kids] are in charge. And that’s my time to bum around!” he adds with a laugh.
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On being married to the love of his life and his most reliable partner
During this interview, Francis’s shared with us what his iPhone wallpaper was: a charming old photo of him and his then-high school sweetheart, Lilian, whom he eventually married at the tender age of 25.
Life has not necessarily been all roses for Francis and his family, but he is thankful for the constant support of his wife, especially during those times in the past when certain businesses he ventured into didn’t work out As planned. Instead of “Sinabi ko na sa ‘yo,” Lilian has only two words to say: “Walang sisihan.”
In the same way that Francis recognizes and supports the unique gifts and talents of his children, he also recognizes his wife’s strengths in helping him out with his business Mad Science.
When it comes to disciplining their children together, the couple adheres to a set of rules. Number one, they will never disagree in front of the kids. If it should ever happen that one of them does something against the other’s want, in front of the kids they’ll be unified in defending the decision. Privately, they discuss. “When two people marry, they shall be one,” says Francis.
Money is also something that the couple refuses to discuss in front of their children, as they feel it’s too serious an issue for the kids. “That’s something they cannot understand,” says Francis. “We may have money problems, or we may have money challenges, but we talk about it between ourselves. We don’t want to drag them into something they’re totally helpless [with].”
In one of his marriage seminars, there is a module called “Understanding Gender Differences,” in which he elaborates on the intrinsic desires of man and woman. “The number one desire of man is respect,” explains Francis. “The number one desire of women is intimacy. ‘Yun lang naman eh. So you work your way to being intimate and the woman should always leave room for the man to be respected.”
When it comes to the lambingan department, Francis admits that he showers his wife with affection generously, even in front of the kids, despite their feigned protests. He gladly shared with us that he and Lilian just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary the previous year, proudly saying how he knew early on that she would be the mother of his children one day.
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His advice to couples
Aside from his business and inspirational talks, Francis also conducts parenting seminars from time to time.
“[Families break up because of] the lack of knowledge that leads to a lot of critical thinking,” Francis enthuses. “When you don’t engage in critical thinking, what do you do? You mimic or copy.” He goes on to emphasize the importance of investing time in acquiring more knowledge about parenting through seminars or parenting books.
“You think that you can just become a good parent automatically? No. It’s still a skill that you have to develop,” stresses Francis. “I’m still learning. I still make stupid mistakes and [I still have to apologize to my children for them].”
For couples who are struggling in their relationship, Francis’s number one advice is “Park your ego and pride outside your house. Enter it in humility and then fix that relationship and make it strong.”
Good vibes
Francis seems like a very positive guy who is able to stay on top of all his responsibilities and past adversities. He corrects this impression : “I have been hurt and attacked by the very people I love and invested so much in” he shares. “What people don’t know is that I have literally tasted bitterness in my mouth out of sheer anger and frustration.” It was a torturous time for Francis, and yet he emerged out of it a greatly humbled man. “[Until now, I] ask for help, [I] ask for counsel.”
We can’t help but be moved by this man’s words of wisdom and charming sense of humor! We asked him to tell us three things that people don’t know about him:
“I want to grow old with my wife still being cool and hot!”
“I’m really very corny. I watch Mr. Holland’s Opus, [and] I would cry! I have a tender side, I love watching inspirational movies and then I cry.”
“When I pour my life and love into something, I give it a hundred percent.” And we definitely agree.
Photography by Ben Lim
Shot on location at the Serendipity Lounge of the Discovery Suites, 25 ADB Avenue, Ortigas Avenue
Ortigas Center, Pasig City
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