Dad We Love: Gabe Mercado

This funny man’s face and one-liner ("OK ka ba tyan?") from a TV commercial elicits high recall from people. He has graced both the big and small screens for endorsements and guestings and holds regular shows with his theater improv group SPIT. Who wouldn’t know, or at least recognize, Gabe Mercado?   

But public as he may be, very little is known about his life as a solo parent to his adopted child, 7-year-old Beeto. Beeto was a blessing that Gabe and his family welcomed with open arms, although he admits that he never thought he would eventually be adopting. Thankfully, “there was absolutely no resistance anywhere, since we were particularly well-placed. I grew up with an adopted sister and I have a nephew who is also adopted. My mother once edited a book on adoption stories, and my father was even the president of the Adoptive Families Foundation ... so we knew what that lifestyle was all about, we knew the ins and outs of it, that's why when the opportunity came, there was no hesitation. We were all very familiar with it.”

To the unknowing observer, it would seem that the same blood courses through Gabe’s and Beeto’s veins since Beeto exhibits a personality that is unmistakably like Gabe’s, and Gabe’s sense of humor is also a shared trait. “He gets the naughtiness from me. Thankfully it’s not destructive naughtiness, which I sort of tended to, a little bit, when I was young. It’s never hurtful naughtiness, which I tended to when I was younger,” jokes Gabe.


On being an adoptive parent
“Beeto was offered to us when he was two months old by the DSWD of the NCR, [initially] under the Foster Care program,” relates Gabe. “The preference of DSWD and all these agencies is that if there is a choice for the child to grow up with a family instead of an institution, they would prefer it that way because it helps these kids should they be adopted further along the line. It becomes much easier for them to adjust to a life with a family. And that’s how Beeto came into my life.”

“Fortunately there is a path in place so that should you really fall in love with a child, you can opt to adopt him. That is the path that I chose to take, so I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the separation from my wife, round about the time Beeto was more than a year-and-a-half years old.” It was a mutual decision between him and his ex-wife that Gabe would be the primary parent, but “the psychological effect of being alone, and doing the journey alone - that was the tough part.”

Thankfully, Gabe shares that the DSWD-NCR is very supportive to adoptive parents. It also helps that they have regular meet-ups with other adoptive parents. “We talk about many things,” says Gabe. “We used to meet about twice a year but we do it more often now, and we help each other tell our adoption stories to the kids.”

Related: DSWD Urges Childless Couples to Consider Legal Adoption

Adoption is a positive thing
The wonderful thing about Gabe’s relationship with Beeto is that he is entirely transparent about the whole adoption issue. “From the very beginning, it was important to me na from two months pa lang, you make sure that the word adoption is a word of love and acceptance and understanding. Because our society is already filled with connotations of adoption na ‘Ah, ampon ka lang, pulot ka lang.’ It’s already negatively charged. In my house and in my family, adoption is a very positively-charged word of love,” Gabe says proudly.

“From the beginning, [it has been] very comfortable. Up to now, [Beeto] sometimes asks me, ‘Tell me again how I was adopted.’ And he likes that. There’s not much curiosity because there’s not much hidden."

Gabe is not abashed to admit, though, that the traditional mother-father as parents setup still has its advantages. “But did you know that according to statistics, 49 percent of all Filipino children don’t live in a traditional mother-father setup family? Many are raised by lolas, titos, titas, etc. Of course even I would prefer that a kid would go under the care of a married couple, but the DSWD is also open to single people adopting these kids. They make no distinction.”


On challenges and on setting the rules
But no matter how much love, acceptance and openness Gabe and his family shower Beeto with, Gabe is also aware that others may not view adopted children in the same light. Gabe shares, “[Beeto] gets teased once in a while at school – ‘Haha, you don’t have a mommy’". But the transparency and honesty with which he has raised Beeto has allowed his son to be proud of being adopted.

Gabe relates that about a month and a half ago, Beeto’s class was asked to make a family tree. Having a different set-up, Gabe asked Beeto to also include the other people who are also part of his life, such as his birth mother and his ex-wife as branches - extensions - of the “tree”, aside from himself as the adoptive parent.

But would Beeto’s classmates understand? “I didn’t want to leave him with the burden of explaining to his class,” says Gabe, so he volunteered to give a talk to the class, making use of photos of famous adopted children such as Bill Clinton, Nelson Mandela, Edgar Allan Poe, Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon, Steve Jobs and more in his presentation. “After that class, Beeto was going around and proudly proclaiming, 'I’m adopted! I’m adopted!' It became a positive thing.”

One of the bigger challenges Gabe has had to face was a congenital condition Beeto was diagnosed with when he was still small. He had schizencephaly, a congenital brain malformation that requires weekly therapy, lots of visits to the pediatrician and to the pediatric neurologist. “There’s nothing you can do about it,” Gabe says. “He may be prone to seizures, but thankfully he hasn’t had any so far.”

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Gabe as ‘Bubba’
When it comes to disciplining Beeto, Gabe says he has never resorted to spanking; rather, he uses the “bilangan” method which he finds very effective. Gabe also says that withholding privileges as a form of punishment works for them.

“I believe I’m quite firm with him and I’d like to believe that more than the average child, Beeto knows his limits, he knows what the ground rules are, and he pretty much follows them,” Gabe says. “I’d like to think I’m clear, I’m consistent, and I’m in-your-face if you do anything wrong.”

No matter how hectic his schedule may be at times, Gabe still makes it a point to check Beeto’s homework as much as possible, which he gamely accepts as part of his lifestyle as a solo parent. This is the reason why when Beeto entered grade school, Gabe made the conscious decision to be selective about the projects he accepts and structure them to avoid work hours that keep him away for long periods of time.

“Before I made that shift, when he was still in preschool, I could get away with it. Parang that time if there was any homework, it was more of ‘color this, color that’. Grade 1 is a totally different ball game,” he says with a laugh.

This is not to say that Gabe has become less busy; in fact, he has several things on his plate at the moment. Besides regularly performing with his group SPIT, he also does corporate training and has even set up a company called Ripple 100. “We use storytelling, whether through video or photographic essays, etc. and we build communities using it,” Gabe explains.

On a typical week, Gabe has two days for training, two days for Ripple 100 and another two days for SPIT, which has weekly evening shows. Gabe is thankful because “the great thing is that the sched is flexible. It allows me to pick up my son from school on some days.”

About his son, he has this to say: “Beeto is actually very thoughtful and sweet. He’s very kind. Quite a bit of a joker. Basically he got a lot from me but I don’t know where he got the kindness from,” Gabe adds with a chuckle. “Temper and tampo, we’re sort of alike. Medyo he’s the type na mahirap galitin but once he gets mad, it takes a while for him to cool down. Very curious, friendly without being cloying or annoying.”

Beeto has also gotten accustomed to the various roles his performer of a father takes on, but there was one role Gabe remembers Beeto reacted rather violently to. “One of the challenges for us [was that] earlier this year, I came out in Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah, and that required me to be in drag and all of that. He was quite angry when he saw me. It turns out, it was “because my bubba was wearing pink. I don’t like pink.’ When Gabe changed costumes for the next performance, Beeto said, ‘Oh, but now it’s better because purple is my favorite color.’

Related: First Filipino-written eBooks on Adoption Launched

Gabe’s advice to solo parents
While it may seem like everything is falling into place for Gabe when it comes to the different roles he has in life, he will admit that being a solo parent was rather frightening in the beginning.

“At first parang nakakaiyak, nakakatakot, but it’s also very empowering. You don’t have to hide behind anyone else. Walang turuan. ” Gabe confesses. “Now that I have had years of doing it, [there are] changes it created in me: I consider myself now more patient, more nurturing, more strict, napu-push talaga both the masculine and feminine traits. You’ve got to be very caring and you have to be a good provider as well and a good friend. I’m at that point where I can say that single parenting is the best thing that’s happened to me.”

Gabe has this advice to share to other solo / adoptive parents. “Face it head on. Once you explain something properly, then it should be easier. Tell the complete story. Don’t hide details. Less complications.”

On the benefits of single parenting, he says that the payback is really tremendous. “You’re forced to evolve, you really grow as a person ... and it makes you a better person. But don’t go to the opposite extreme naman na lahat na lang ikaw na - learn to let others in. And be proud that you’re a single parent - don’t be ashamed … because you’re a family, you’re complete, no matter what your situation.

If you want to learn more about the process of adoption, click here.

Photography by Pia Puno