Gearing Up for Parenthood

It’s been said that there is nothing in this world quite like having your first baby. The anxiety a woman feels when her body begins to change and the thought of having someone completely dependent on you can be all too daunting. Experienced parents say nothing can prepare you completely for your little one’s arrival. The best thing you can do is to mentally prepare for what is about to happen.

But how exactly does one prepare mentally for such a Herculean challenge? Considering that there are so many choices today when it comes to giving birth and parenting, it’s important for couples to discuss and agree on what options suit them best.

Budgeting for the baby
Having a baby is no walk in the park, but being financially comfortable is something that could definitely help couples be more mentally prepared. To begin with, couples can ask: “How much of our combined income will we allot for the newborn? Will we prefer to spend a little bit more on the baby while scrimping on ourselves? Or will we buy only the necessities?

You can’t go wrong by being realistic about your finances. If your income won’t permit you to be more liberal with money, then this needs to be made clear. Discuss what expenses you can cut back on, and how much more you need to save. Aly Chio, 42, father of three, believes that as you expand your family, you should begin saving more money than usual—“Twenty to 30 percent of your combined income.” He cites from experience, “This will go mostly to your kids’ education, but you need to set aside money for emergencies and extra expenses, too.”

Buying things for the baby
Yeyet Chio, 41, Aly’s wife, is one of those who opted not too buy a lot of things for the baby. She stuck to the necessities: a crib, breast pump, medical items such as a thermometer and aspirator, a playpen, books, blankets, and a few clothes. “Buy just what you need because babies grow up very fast,” reminds Yeyet.
   
Likewise, couples should also decide on how they plan on getting things for the baby. Which things can be borrowed? Which must be bought? What should you spend a little more on? For Yeyet and Aly, investing in a sturdy playpen, a car seat, and a high chair were worth it, as these were the things they were able to re-use with their other kids. If your family is willing to provide you with new things, you may also discuss what you’d like to ask for.

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Balancing chores and leisure time
Kristin Reyes, 38, mother of three, says that more than being financially well-off, it’s important that a couple be ready to make a series of sacrifices. “A lot of things will change. Suddenly, your world will revolve around your child. Your ‘nightlife’ is one of the things you might temporarily need to give up.”
      
Undeniably, much understanding is needed between you and your husband, especially since most of your time will be dedicated to your child. To prepare for this, you can decide on what chores either of you will be in charge of. Who will do the groceries? The cooking? Laundry? Will you need to hire household help? Will there be a relative who’d be willing to take care of the baby while you’re both busy? Although some rules may not be strictly followed once the baby arrives (such as who will wake up in the middle of the night to feed the baby), it would still be good to have a default plan.

Having time for yourself and your husband
Kristin’s husband, Paolo, 38, says that the best advice he’s received came from a priest who once told him, “The best way for you to father your children is to love your wife.” Without a doubt, both of you are going to get cranky, frustrated, and impatient. “But never ever forget why you married this woman,” he says. Setting aside time for just the two of you helps minimize stress between husband and wife.  

Gauging your parenting style
Part of being a first-time parent is deciding what kind of parenting style you will adopt. Yeyet appreciates that her husband instills “kind discipline” on their children. In raising their kids, they believe that the best way to teach discipline is to explain why something needs to be done.
On the other hand, Kristin notes that there may be times when a husband and wife’s parenting ways might clash, especially since they grew up with different parenting styles. In this case, they should discuss the matter between themselves and come to an understanding—but
never in the heat of the moment or in front of the children. This is ideal especially if, for instance, one parent would prefer to spank while the other would rather do timeouts.

Choosing a pediatrician
When it comes to your baby’s health—especially if he is your first—most would agree that it’s natural to worry about every little ailment. Kristin adds, “It’s something all parents go through, especially since every child is different, and one symptom can mean something else for another child.” With this in mind, it is imperative to choose a pediatrician who is reliable—one
you can be comfortable with.

Kristin mentions that first-time moms typically go on “panic mode” at the slightest sign of an illness, so it would be helpful to find a pediatrician who is very understanding—“a mother herself, preferably.” Also, having a pedia on-call will give parents assurance when you need it—someone you can text or call in cases of emergency. Both moms share that their children’s doctors were referred to them by family members.

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Choosing a birthing plan
Before giving birth, you may need to decide on the following: who you want to be present during labor and actual birth, what relaxation techniques to use, what positions to try when giving birth, what pain management methods to try, and what post-partum procedures should be done when a C-section is necessary. If you are very particular about these things, then it would be advisable to give a copy of your birthing plan to your husband, doctor, support people, and hospital staff.

Settling on a baby name
If there’s one piece of advice Paolo has about baby names, “It is not to spend money on those books,” since from his experience, he has yet to meet anyone who has used such books to choose a name.     
    
In many instances, Filipino parents really do choose names that have some story or sentimentality behind it. For instance, Lui Rufino, 32, picked the name Lillian Dolores, after his baby’s two great-grandmothers. He gave her the nickname “Arcee,” after a female character of the Transformers series of which he is a fan.  

Once you’ve given birth and chosen a baby name, it is also important to check the baby’s birth certificate for any corrections on the name’s spelling. Mistakes in the spelling can cause a lot of legal hassle, especially when applying for government services.

Taking time off from work
Something a couple should also consider before giving birth is whether an expectant mom should choose to take a leave and be with her child 24/7. Can you afford it? Will you be willing to give up an eight-to-five job? For some moms who work regular office hours, the answer may be no. Your alternative is a maternity leave, which is mandated by Philippine law. It’s best to ask your employer or HR officer about its requirements.

Likewise, seven-day paternity leaves are also mandated by law. Lui, father of two, recalls, “My leave basically started when my wife’s water bag broke. In my case, she was scheduled for a C-section but since her water bag broke a week before, my leave was adjusted accordingly.” Aside from having to care for his wife, he adds, “I had to book a room, fill out forms, settle bills. When we checked out, we had to file for Philhealth or SSS, add a dependent to my tax exemption, health plan, and SSS, get a temporary birth certificate from the hospital, and get the real birth certificate from city hall.”

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ARE YOU READY?
To help future parents be more prepared, check out this scorecard to see which aspect of parenthood you might need to work on:
• Financial readiness
• Medical readiness (no underlying sickness, has a pediatrician in mind)
• Readiness to balance work and parenthood
• Established chore assignments
• Support system of family and friends
• Birthing plans
• Space for the baby    

"Change" Checklist
Here are some changes that can bring about stress to new parents:

• Mood swings and post-partum depression
• Physical pains
• Baby’s non-stop crying
• Sleep deprivation
• Added expenses

Kristin Reyes, mom of three, says, “It is best to talk about these issues before the baby’s arrival so you can set a few rules or an understanding between you and your husband.” Unfortunately, “set schedules” aren’t always followed. “Many times, especially if one of you is more exhausted, the other must care for the baby even if it’s not yet your shift.” What matters most is consideration.

 

Photo from sxc.hu