Is your child a pintasero?

My jaw dropped when I picked up my son from his preschool one day. One mom was waiting for her son at the gate and when she saw one of my son’s classmates emerge from his classroom, she exclaimed, “Ay, ayan na si taba!” Then, I heard the other kids (and their yayas) jeer at the boy as he was boarding his school bus.

I asked my son what the boy’s name was, and he replied, “The big, fat boy is Roland*. He looks funny, no?” He laughed. I chastised my son when we got home, but I was left wondering on what to do with his classmates and “that mom.”


HAND-ME-DOWN BEHAVIOR
Kids start to notice differences in physical appearances at an early age, and that is normal, says Myla Lee-Tolentino, directress of Pail and Shovel Development Center in Quezon City. “Napapansin nila and they ask, ‘Bakit itong bata iba yung kulay?’ or ‘Bakit siya mataba?’” How they process or react depends on how the parents or other people in their environment react to these differences, she adds.  

“There will always be people who make fun of others who are ‘different,’ and kids can pick these up easily. You have to catch these concepts right away, and explain to them why they are different and that it doesn’t make them laughable just because they are that way,” Tolentino suggests.

You have to catch the way that you explain things as well, she says. “You cannot say, ‘He’s mataba kasi ang takaw niya, eh.’ That is so negative—and vague. You have to explain that he might be eating too much candies or chips, or maybe he does not like to play outdoors. So at the same time, you can teach the concept of healthy eating and exercise.”

 

Click here to read more about how to teach your child to respect and celebrate differences among people.

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DEMANDING PERFECTION
Let’s face it. It is so easy to notice and point out the differences and flaws of other people. “Mahilig tayo mag-judge ng ibang tao,” comments Claire Carlos*, a stay-at-home mom to two tween girls. “Whenever I see a contestant in a TV pageant for example, I would comment, ‘Her nose is crooked,’ or ‘Her teeth has gaps.’” Of course, Claire admits, “I’m not perfect either.”     

Claire realized the implications of her pintasera ways when her older daughter refused to join the United Nations contest in her school. “She was afraid that people would just make fun of her thin legs.” After that, she tried to keep her opinions to herself. Tolentino says the adults, especially the parents, have to examine themselves, “because you are the role model.”

“If you know that you are prejudiced against something, such as dark skin or obesity, just keep it to yourself. Second, if you find yourself in a situation where you think that prejudice is clouding your opinion, ask yourself if your judgment is correct,” advises Tolentino. You have to find out the reason why you feel that way towards a certain characteristic, she adds. “If you try to gather information about that trait, such as doing research about the causes of obesity, then maiintindihan mo ito, and it will lessen your prejudice.”

And if you find yourself in a situation where a person is being picked on because of his appearance or capabilities, “Even if you don’t know the person they are laughing at, it is your responsibility to correct the situation. Doing so would teach your kids to speak up as well. The modeling of the parents definitely has a big impact on the child.”    


WHEN COMEDY IS NOT FUNNY
If you scan the local TV channels for the top-rating primetime comedy shows, you will find one thing in common: One of the cast members has something “different” about him or her that the others make fun of. Whether it is dark skin and kinky hair, thick lips, being fat, too short, bald, or gay, the co-actors can harp on it, or whole gags can even revolve on that single peculiarity.  

“You see so many of these on TV, even the commercials are nakakasakit na nga. If you do see these with your child, on the spot, you have to correct it,” Tolentino advises. “TV is such a strong influence that you really have to be there to catch the wrong values.”

“And whatever you do, don’t be the first one to laugh at the joke,” Claire adds.

 

Click here to read more about how to correct your child's attitudes on discrimination.

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IT’S ALL ABOUT EXPOSURE
Ignorance is often the root cause of discrimination. Tolentino says to eliminate ignorance, you have to expose your child to the differences in people.

“You can buy books where the illustrations are people of different races, not just blonde and blue-eyed kids,” says Tolentino.  At their preschool, she says they encourage the parents to buy these multi-cultural books at their book fair. “We also expose the kids to people of all walks of life. Recently, because our topic was about transportation, we invited not only dads who had their own cars, but also taxi and tricycle drivers to talk to the children. We explained that the dads have their cars because they saved up to buy them, and the tricycle drivers naman work so that they can sustain their family.”

“You can also expose your kids to those who are less privileged or are from another culture, and if they start asking questions, just answer in a straightforward but positive manner. We showed our students pictures of people from the Bontoc province, and they were really curious about why they wore clothes like that or looked that way. We explained that it was because of their culture, and that our world is made up of different races and cultures.” Ask them to imagine the world if everybody looked the same, talked the same and dressed the same. Wouldn’t it be a boring place to live in?    
 

TALKING BACK
Tolentino shares that her son, Cube, is often teased for being overweight. “But I try to push his self-confidence. Whenever other people comment, ang taba naman niya, he would say, ‘but I’m not fat, macho ako!’”

“Then, when we eat, I remind him not to eat too much, so he will become even more macho,” she says. Do not dwell on the negative aspect on what is different about the child. Find a talent or strength that will lift his confidence, and then encourage him on that ability. But it has to be consistent encouragement and unconditional love.

If a child is taught to discriminate against other people because of their appearance, race, culture, and beliefs, he is being taught to judge other people. “He might end up making wrong judgments and wrong decisions, and his relationships with other people are hindered. You are limiting his social skills as well,” says Tolentino.


Photography by David Hanson Ong