Making Resolutions That Make a Difference

To be perfectly honest, my husband and I used to spend most New Year’s Eves sleeping. The screaming and excitement with the whole countdown thing was just too contrived for us. That is, until we stumbled on a new practice last year, which we liked enough to declare as the first installment of a new Mercado tradition: We wrote resolutions. This was not the typical list of half-meant promises to swear off sugar and alcohol. The document we produced became our bible for the year.

While our kids stared outside the window at the fireworks, my husband whipped out the laptop and we got a new spreadsheet going: Mission 2010. In an attempt to be structured about it, we began with a “mission-vision.” We each wrote down three adjectives about the kind of people we wanted to be. We skipped obvious adjectives like “smart” and went with more precise, actionable ones, like “well-informed.” Instead of “happy,” which might make me overindulge, I opted for “balanced” on the logical assumption that having a balanced life would make me happy. Instead of the vague term “successful,” I went with “dependable,” which seemed more results-oriented and connected to concrete expectations of me. Those words are the products of the biases I have built over time. For anybody else doing it, the goals should be different. If you were to try it, my advice is, don’t just think of the top three universally-sought attributes. Think hard about the kind of people you honestly respect - what exactly do you find admirable about them? Think of the situations when you were proudest of yourself and pinpoint why.

Once you have the “ideal you” in mind, it’s time to connect the dots between the abstract and the required actions. I divided my life into five departments, i.e. physical, career, sub-career, family, and spiritual. Each department had its own separate brainstorm session, wherein I identified quarterly, semestral, and annual goals. The key in setting these goals is to be specific. To illustrate, for physical goals, I wrote down how many pounds I needed to lose by when. For example, nine pounds by March, and then two pounds each month in the second quarter.

 

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(I then communicated my goals to my exercise class teacher so she could chart my progress - or lack thereof). Because I have a fear that I will not be able to chase a robber or a kidnapper when disaster strikes, my particular fitness goal was to be able to run at my top speed for 15 minutes straight. I don’t like to run so I gave myself a very gradual build-up plan to achieve this. My friend Gene who also did this planning exercise was an aspiring triathlete so he committed to finish a 10-kilometer run under one hour by March and a 21-kilometer run under 2.5 hours by September. He then outlined a weekly training schedule that would get him to that level. Perhaps he was overly conservative when he identified those goals because he met both of them well before his deadlines.

It is quite common to make career goals, such as hoping to get promoted at the next evaluation, or meeting a stretch sales target. Making those types of goals are obvious. Sub-career goals are actually more interesting to me. Sub-careers (a term I invented) refer to the secret hiligs we have, which we want to develop out of curiosity or as a potential back-up career. If you have a knack for applying makeup or designing clothes, your goal could be to either take a formal course, or even to just fill up a sketchbook with designs you can be proud of. If you like cooking or baking, a sub-career goal could be selling your products to friends, or just cooking a whole dinner from scratch for your family. It really depends on how seriously you want to take this hobby. Even if you aren’t that serious about it, the point of the mission exercise is to identify a clear next step, rather than just randomly dabbling at these hobbies from time to time.

Family goals involved more thought. I had to think of each kid separately and the steps I could take in areas where they needed the most help. Since I cannot control how fast they achieve results, my parenting missions were mostly resolutions on what I needed to do better. For example, I promised to really soap my daughter’s mouth if she says bad words, and I did! I also promised to make sure that my son has two exercise sessions a week at least, but had to increase it in the middle of the year when he started gaining weight. Family goals also include making resolutions as a couple (such as talking to each other at least 10 minutes a day), and improving my relationship with my parents and my adult siblings. For some people, the circle can even be widened to include in-laws. Think honestly of the kind of relationship you want to have with your family members, and make commitments to enact some changes on your end to bring it about.

 

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The last department, spiritual, is probably optional for many. In my case, I wanted to achieve peace and serenity so I promised myself that I would actively seek answers in different avenues. I joined a weeklong Indian meditation seminar and learned how to still the swirling negative thoughts in my mind. That’s at least one solid breakthrough to log for 2010!

As 2012 comes near, I urge you to think of the saying “An unexamined life is not worth living.” I find that is true, but with apologies to Socrates, I find that it is incomplete. I would add, 

“An unplanned life is just a series of accidents.” There is no need to leave everything - your career, your children, your life - up to fate. Even if it stays in the realm of wishful thinking, take out a pen and paper and start planning. 

Photo from sxc.hu