;
embed embed2
  • Usapang Pagbukod: Married Couples Prefer Living Apart From In-Laws

    Dapat bang bumukod ang mag-asawa kahit mas masakit ito sa bulsa? Here are parents' top answers.
    by Czainnah Gajito .
Usapang Pagbukod: Married Couples Prefer Living Apart From In-Laws
PHOTO BY shutterstock
  • In a Filipino household, it is normal to find the ‘core’ family living with extended relatives. Many married Pinoy couples end up living with their in-laws after marriage, or raising children in their in-laws’ house because it's the most practical thing to do—renting, or paying mortgage can be too much for new parents or newly married couples.

    Having extended family members living in one house has its merits, like keeping the family connected and the relationships tight. This set-up, however, has its own set of disadvantages as well.

    We asked our Smart Parenting Facebook followers: “Dapat bang bumukod ang mag-asawa kahit mas masakit ito sa bulsa? (“Should married couples live on their own even if it’s costly?”).

    We received mixed reactions and comments from married couples themselves, as well as advice for those planning to get married. Most, however, prefer to leave and cleave. Here are our top picks:

    Dapat bang bumukod ang mag-asawa kahit mas masakit ito sa bulsa?

    Married couples should stand on their own.

    “Yes, to know their sense of responsibility as couples, [to] stand on their own, [to] have their own privacy, and not to depend [on] their parents. - Heart D.G.M

    It feels better to be independent.

    “For me, yes. Mahirap ang habang buhay ay nakaasa tayo sa mga taong nasa paligid natin. Mas masarap at mas feeling accomplished ka ‘pag nagawa mo ang mga bagay na gusto mo sa sarili mong pagsisikap.” - Grace B.R.

    If you’re not ready to leave, you’re not ready to get married.

    ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

    “Hindi na dapat tinatanong yan. Kung hindi niyo kaya bumukod, hindi kayo dapat nag-asawa dahil ibig sabihin hindi kayo handa. Responsibilidad mo ang pamilya mo, hindi ng magulang mo.” - Mid Y.

    It’s normal to struggle in the beginning.

    “Yes, normal yung gastos sa nagsisimula palang pero masaya yung sariling sikap kayo para maitaguyod ang pamilya na walang nakikialam [o] walang pakikisamahan.” - Jessica A.F.

    In-laws’ child should learn independence and responsibility.

    “Yes, dapat lang para matuto ang mga anak na maging independent and to take the responsibilities of the family they started and for happy and peaceful surroundings!” - Beh J.

    Leave and cleave.

    “Leave and cleave. Actually ‘di naman sya mahirap sa budget. In most ways, mas okay pa nga because [the] couple can freely decide about their finances, sa relationship, and sa pagpapalaki sa mga anak. May hirap pero masarap at masaya. It’s all worth it. ” -  A.S.R.

    Your house, your rules.

    “Mas masakit kapag peace of mind and freedom ang mawala sayo. Your house, your rules.” - Michaela A.

    It is a great tool to grow independently.

    “Yes, walang [magiging] confusion sa bata with regards to discipline and [it is a] great tool for partners to grow independently.” -Shielle B.

    You will learn to depend only on one another.

    “Yes. This is for the two of you (to) learn (how) to be responsible for the family you are creating. You will learn to depend only with one another. Matuto kayong dumiskarte ng hindi umaasa sa in-laws. Also this way, walang makikialam sa magiging desiyon nyo sa buhay at kung paano nyo papalakihin mga anak nyo.” -Huhtikuu I.A.

    CONTINUE READING BELOW
    Recommended Videos

    In-laws should support the new family.

    “Of course. Dahil nag-desisyon silang bumuo ng pamilya, dapat alam nila ang lahat ng responsibilidad na kakaharapin nila. Ang magiging role ng mga magulang ay suportahan sila. Hindi akuin ang obligasyon nila bilang mag asawa.” - Rosela V.

    Depende ito sa sitwasyon ng bawat isa.

    “Depende siguro sa sitwasyon. Di porket nasa puder ng in-laws, irresponsible na. Magtrabaho, makisama, at iwasan ang conflict.” - Edyssa J.G.G.

    Magpasalamat at may magulang na tumutulong.

    “Kung kaya naman, pwede na. Kaso kapos talaga at ang hirap ng buhay ngayon lalo na’t may pandemya pa! Sino ba namang may pamilya na ‘di gustong bumukod, ‘di ba? Paano nga naman matututo kung hindi tatayo sa sariling paa? Pero sa ngayon, tiis muna sa magulang. Makisama kasi tayo yung nakikitira. ‘Pag may mga gawain na kaya naman, tumulong [tayo nang] bukal sa loob. Yun lang kasi ang pwede na itulong natin! Babaan ang pride kasi hindi tayo mapapakain nyan. Magpasalamat na lang at may magulang na natulong.” - Chelle D.

    Kung kaya naman, bakit hindi?

    “Kung kaya naman na, bakit hindi ‘di ba? Pero 100% tama. ‘Di dahil sa para walang biyenang makikialam o ano pa man, kung hindi para matuto ring tumayo sa kanilang mga sariling paa, matutong mag-budget, matutong makapagpundar ng mga gamit at marami pang iba. Mahirap man pero makakaya naman yun basta tulong[-tulong] silang mag-asawa. Masarap ang nakabukod lahat matututunan pero dapat ‘di makalimot sa mga magulang.” - Alma C.C.

    It isn’t practical but everything has its costs.

    ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

    “Of course, it's not to say that we are not to care for our aging parents. The point of pagbukod is that we are not relying on them when it comes to money, parenting and decision-making. Yes, it isn’t "practical" according to the world's standards. It is more expensive. But everything has its costs. You just have to decide what you are willing to give or lose. And yes, each family has a unique circumstance. Seeking God's wisdom and obeying Him will spare you from these troubles.” - Elky D.

    What other parents are reading

  • You're almost there! Check your inbox.

    We sent a verification email. Can't find it? Check your spam, junk, and promotions folder.

Smart Parenting is now on Quento! You will love it because it personalizes news and videos based on your interests. Download the app here!

Don't Miss Out On These!
View More Stories About
Trending in Summit Network
View more articles