Mga Bilin kay Yaya

Nowadays, with more mothers working to provide for the family, a yaya to look after your child has become indispensable. However, Doris Kin-Lim, marriage and family counselor, cautions parents about becoming too dependent on their yayas. “Remember that the yaya should be there only to assist you in caring for your child.” Psychologist Bernadette Ymson agrees, “Parents should still be the primary caregivers of their children.” For yaya to better fulfill her duties especially in your absence, here are some important reminders for you to share with the nanny.
 

When your child is sick and you’re not yet home:
•    Monitor the child's temperature every 30 minutes. Write down the results.
•    Administer medicine as needed, but before giving any dosage, make sure she clears it with you first. Write down the name of the medicine beforehand, tell yaya where it is located, when to administer it, and in what dosage.  
•    If the fever still hasn’t gone down, give the child a warm sponge bath in between dosages.  
•    Do not do anything else other than watching your child.
•    Make the child drink lots of water to keep him hydrated.
•    Ask yaya to always keep you updated, and to call immediately in case there are any sudden changes in your child's condition.


At a children’s party:
•    Make sure your child greets the host and the birthday celebrant, and gives his gift to the celebrant.
•    Ensure that your child sits down to eat and not just play.
•    Assist your child in getting food.  
•    Make sure your child does not take in any food he’s not allowed to eat (e.g. soda or candies). Your yaya should be aware also of any food allergies your tot has and make sure he stays away from foods that trigger them. Remind her not to give in even if your child “really, really” wants it.
•    Make sure the children stay safe during games.
•    Make sure yaya is dressed appropriately.
•    Make sure your child says "good-bye and thank you" before leaving the party.

 

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Accompanying your child to public restrooms:
•    Wash both their hands (child and yaya) after assisting the child in the restroom. Disinfect with alcohol. As much as possible, do not let your child touch anything in the restroom.


When you’re entertaining guests at home:
•    Yaya should help out your child with his requests, especially since you will be very busy with the guests.
•    Dress the child appropriately.   
•    If there are other children at the party, to check on their needs as well, i.e., getting food, going to the bathroom.  


When in public places like a park or the mall:
•    Avoid crowds.
•    Don’t let your child near other kids who play rough.
•    Pay special attention to your child and his surroundings, especially if he is climbing ladders and other tall structures. Always stay within a reasonable distance from your child. Do not use the cell phone while in a playground or in other active environments. Luannie Macasiljig, mom of three, recalls how her son fell while he was playing on the slide, during which yaya was texting. “He had several stitches on his head as a result of that accident.”
•    Check on her ward and change the child’s clothes before they get soaked with sweat.
•    Always keep an eye on your child. Judy Malabanan, mom to Manu, 1, always warns of kidnappers, especially during election time when the crime rate shoots up.
•    When you are out together and your child wants to wander around, the nanny and your child should both remain within your range of sight.
•    In a mall or building, be aware of the nearest fire exit. Also orient yaya on what to do in case of emergency. Most importantly, she should keep calm and have presence of mind. She must always prioritize your child’s safety.     
•    Do not talk nor entertain strangers. Get clear instructions from the parents on who will fetch the child. Call the yaya beforehand if there are any changes.
•    Wash and sanitize your child's hands after playing in a public area.
•    She should keep her cell phone within hearing range at all times. This way, you can stay in touch with yaya if need be.

 

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At the in-laws’...
The presence of your in-laws can sometimes lead to violations of hard
and fast rules you impose on your children. How do you manage without offending anyone? Explain the situation to them. Willeth Laus, mom to two boys, says: “Usually, I tell my in-laws early on what are the ‘bawals,’ especially when it comes to food. I also inform the yaya that it’s okay to gently remind the grandparents that a particular food is ‘bawal’, why it is bawal, and that it’s a bilin from me and my hubby.” Angelica Andal, preschool director, and mom of two, agrees, “I explain to my in-laws certain rules and schedules the kids have to follow.”
•    Make sure the child greets lolo and lola.  
•    Assist the child if he needs help during mealtimes, going to the toilet, etc.
•    Be gracious as well whenever yaya is a visitor at someone else’s place.


When you’re not yet home from work:
•    When your child gets home from school, make sure he immediately changes his clothes or bathes, and takes a nap.
•    Make sure your child washes his hands and puts away his things when he comes in from school.
•    See to it that the child eats a healthy merienda and dinner. Give him his vitamins.
•    Make sure your child follows his bedtime schedule.
•    Make sure your child follows your rules about watching TV. Should your child do his homework before watching TV? Should she limit his TV habits? Is your child not allowed to watch TV on schooldays?                            

All these reminders, however, will not take the place of your presence. “Majority of a child’s time should be spent with his parents. Nurturing the child should be a 24-hour duty of the parents,” says Lim. “Parents should not simply delegate their duties to the yaya.”

Macasiljig admits that her children are overly dependent on their yaya. “My two younger kids still cannot take a bath on their own, and they are already seven and four years old. During meal times, they expect everything to be handed to them (water, utensils). They also have a tendency not to pick up after themselves—unless I tell them.”

 

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Andal relates how she and her kids became so dependent on a yaya they had for five years that they had a hard time adjusting after she left. “I realized that being too dependent on one person is unhealthy. The kids miss her a lot, but they have already adjusted to me as the primary caregiver. Now, the new yaya is just there to assist in bathing them, dressing them up, etc.”

Malabanan reveals that her body clock is the main reason why she has to depend on the yaya. “I’m a night person, and my son wakes up so early (6 a.m. or as soon as the sun rises)! It’s a struggle for me to keep up with his morning routine. So when I’m too sleepy, I pass him on to the yaya. But I always feel guilty that I missed the adventurous start of his day.”

When you get home from work, it is important for you to make up for lost time and strengthen your bond with your child. This will also keep your child from becoming too attached to his yaya. “Young children learn love and affection from the person who is most often with them,” says Lim. “So when more time is spent with his yaya, your child will recognize only his yaya - his mom might be a stranger to him.” Lim reiterates that both mom and dad should care for their child and be involved in all aspects of his life.



Photo by amrufm via flickr creative commons