The 10 Things Moms Worry About

Ask a mom what she worries about and she can probably enumerate a litany of items longer than your daily to do list. 

Whether our child is in the womb or well into adulthood, our worry spectrum spans every aspect of our child’s life: health, career, finances and relationships. It seems the moment a woman gives birth, she imbibes not just the infinite capacity to love, but also the inevitable tendency to fear whatever the world holds for her child at every turn.  

And who can blame us? We can’t help but worry about our children because we always want what’s best for them.

But if we truly want the best for our children, we have to draw the line between constructive and destructive worrying.

Constructive worrying is good because it helps us take proactive steps to keep our child safe.

But destructive worrying can debilitate us. It can cause us to overreact over small matters, that our prevention becomes more of a restriction than protection. 

Needless worrying can also cause us to attract the circumstances that will make our worst fears a reality. 

If you’ve ever told your child “Don’t run because you will fall” and he did fall, you’ve just made a self -fulfilling prophecy.

How then do we bring our worrying to a constructive level?

Let’s look at the ten common things moms worry about and what we can do about them:

 

1. Will I be a good mom?

Why it’s a valid concern: Parenting is not just a full time job, it is a lifetime responsibility that requires us to love and raise a happy, healthy and morally upright human being who can contribute to society. For new moms, parenting feels like the toughest job in the world that you can never really prepare for. Sometimes you can’t help but doubt your ability to care for another person when you’re still learning to take care of yourself.

What you can do about it: First, accept the fact that you can never be a perfect mom, and that’s okay. As early as now, give yourself permission to make mistakes and space to grow as a parent. Second, know that you already have the most important thing you need to become a good mom, and that’s the love you have for your child. With your thoughts, words and actions guided by love, you can only do right. Third, seek support and learn what you can by attending workshops for moms, reading books for new parents or connecting with other moms via blogs and social media. Manila Workshops, which is also owned by a new mom, holds seminars for new and experienced mothers alike about pregnancy and parenting.

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2. Will my baby be safe from illness or disease?

Why it’s a valid concern: Nothing makes a mom worry like a sick baby can. When your baby cries incessantly or when she is ill, your brain can’t help but go into worry overdrive and imagine all sorts of worst case scenarios. Moms of infants would confess to watching their baby sleep or placing their hand on their baby’s chest to make sure their little one is still breathing. 

What you can do about it: During your child’s check up, make sure to talk with your pediatrician about ways to prevent illness and seasonal infections. Ask for a list of symptoms to watch out for, remedies you can easily administer and warning signs that it’s time to bring your baby to the doctor. Have your pedia’s number on speed dial and never hesitate to send her a text message or to call her when you are in doubt about your child’s condition. Remember that there’s no stupid question when it comes to your baby’s health. 

 

3. I am afraid my child will swallow his toothbrush, hurt his finger in the electric fan, get bitten by a dog...

Why it’s a valid concern: Toddlers are an active bunch who seem to have no concept of danger and dirt. And they want to see, hear, touch smell, and eat anything and everything around them. Sometimes you’ll find yourself saying more “Nos” and “Don’ts” than you’d like. Often, you’ll find yourself in a dilemma: how do you allow your kids to learn and explore while also making sure that they are safe?

What you can do about it: There are two ways to address this dilemma: do everything to keep your environment safe and teach your child about safety. Hide all sharp objects, keep drawers tightly locked, cover unused outlets with plugs, opt for wooden furniture with rounded edges or put padding on pointed edges, and trade your stand fans for wall fans. Babycenter also has a helpful checklist of things to do to childproof your home. As your child gets older, teach him about safety by using proactive language and explaining consequences for careless behavior. For example, instead of saying “Dont’ run up the stairs, you’ll fall”, say “Watch your step as you go up the stairs and go slowly so you’ll be safe.”

 

4. Are my kids learning enough? Am I teaching my kids enough?

Why it’s a valid concern: When your kids are of school age, there’s a tendency to compare their performance to other children and worry if they are behind their peers. Somehow we feel that their level of intelligence, skills or talents is a reflection of our own performance as parents. Since “parents are the best teachers”, then we have to be able to teach our kids to become the best students.

What you can do about it: When it comes to our kids’ education, it’s important to remember that kids learn differently and it’s not beneficial to compare them with other children. Measure your child’s performance based on his own progress and understand how he learns so you can tailor your teaching to his learning style. More than memorization of facts, give more value to understanding of lessons and how your child can apply these to his life. If you need encouragement to teach your children, check out The Learning Basket that gives tips about teaching your children through reading. 

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5. Will my child get bullied in school?

Why it’s a valid concern: As much as you teach your child to be nice and friendly at school, there’s no guarantee that his classmates will be the same. We’ve heard more than enough stories of girls being locked in bathrooms and boys being harrassed at gunpoint to realize that bullying is real and it is happening here. It can be heartbreaking to think that you can only do so much to shield your children from mean encounters over which you have no control.

What you can do about it: While you cannot control how other people treat your child, you can teach your child how to respond to them. One of the most important things you can do to bully-proof your child is to ensure that you have open communication lines with them. Talk with them about bullies and teach them to avoid bullies or to be assertive when bullying happens. Assure your child that he can talk with you about anything and you’ll always be there to help him deal with difficult situations.

 

6. Am I spending enough time with my children?

Why it’s a valid concern: Whether you’re a working mom or a work at home mom, you’ll always feel like there should be more hours in the day. As you try to balance working, taking care of your kids, keeping a household and caring for your husband, the cliché “so much to do, so little time” becomes a huge understatement. Whether you choose to spend time with your children or to focus on work, you’ll always feel guilty thinking that you’re never doing enough.

What you can do about it:  It’s ideal to have quality quantity time for your child but not all moms have the luxury to quit their jobs or not work at home. In this case, spending quality time with your child is enough. Manage your schedule so you feel more productive and less guilty about how you spend your time. Try something as simple as the alarm in your phone or an app like Remember the Milk to help you set a schedule for everything, including playtime with your kid. And once the alarm rings for playtime, make sure to be a hundred percent focused on your child and block out everything else. 

 

7. What will happen to my child when there is “more month than money” or when I die in an accident?

Why it’s a valid concern: Jobs can be lost, disease strikes, accidents happen and there’s no telling when. When you’ve got bills to pay, tuition to save up for and debts to repay, a sudden financial blow can be a burden to your children. Just imagining your kids having to stop school, being homeless or not having enough to eat is more than enough to cause anxiety.

What you can do about it: Be proactive about your family’s finances and start putting your eggs in different baskets. Try investing in life insurance, the stock market or mutual funds. And if you’re worried that these things require you to have a six-figure income, read “My Maid Invests in the Stock Market” by Bo Sanchez who gives practical and simple tips on how to start investing even with a small budget.

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8. What if my child no longer wants me around?

Why it’s a valid concern: One moment they’re clinging to you, and then they can’t wait to be away from you the next. As your child grows older and craves for more independence, she’ll want to spend more time with her friends than with you. When she begins to think for herself, she will feel that “mom doesn’t always know best” and you cannot always tell her what to do.

What you can do about it:  Stay tuned to your child’s interests and hobbies then see if you can find an activity that you can do together, or maybe both of you can do something new. Life After Breakfast regularly holds soirees, camps and workshops for crafters doing watercolor, silver jewelry making, leather crafting and cross stitching. It’s a great creative outlet that can help you bond with your child as well. Or create something like She said, she said, a mother daughter gratitude blog where they chronicle their foodie adventures and their goal to do “100 Acts of Kindness”.

 

9. Will I live long enough to see my child get married and have kids?

Why it’s a valid concern: We’ve all heard of people who live and eat healthy but suddenly succumb to cancer or disease. It seems no matter how much you look after your own health, you can never totally protect yourself from pollution, global warming or the harmful elements in your environment. 

What you can do about it: Start with the things you do have control over: your diet, your fitness and your own home environment. Prepare your own meals, get some vitamins, jog in the morning and keep your home clean. It’s no secret that stress can lead to various diseases, so manage your mindset and remember that you live in the age of advanced medical sciences that makes prevention and cure possible.

 

10. What do I do now that the kids are grown?

Why it’s a valid concern: You gave up your career to give your all to your kids. You always put them first so much that you tended to neglect yourself and your interests. Since your life revolved around them for decades, you suddenly feel like you don’t have a life without your children.

What you can do about it: Before you even start feeling sorry for yourself, hold your head up and congratulate yourself. You did an awesome job. You’ve taken care of others for so long, now it’s time to take care of yourself. Now you’ll have more hours in the day to rediscover your old hobbies or engage in new ones. Try a Zumba class to get fit and benefit from the happy endorphins you’ll get from exercise. Or learn some crafts and start your own online store on Etsy.

Worry is a natural part of human life, just keep it in check so that it doesn’t steal your happiness in the present moment. I like to define worry in terms of FEAR or False Experiences Appearing Real. 
Most of the things we worry about are not actually happening this very moment. So instead of overthinking about a grim future that is yet to (and could never) happen, focus on what you can do to enjoy your precious life and create happiness right here, right now. 

 

Photo by SodanieChea via flickr creative commons