The Art of Arguing with Your Child

If there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, then neither is there a perfect child. Kids will not always agree with what Mom or Dad says, and when points are raised and opinions between parent and child clash, arguments are inevitable.

While honesty and open communication are important aspects of any relationship, arguing has the potential to damage or disrupt the sense of respect between parent and child.

When children are at that stage where they are testing their boundaries, they may resort to arguing, or yelling, even, to see if they can get away with it.

A possible and maybe even natural reaction of some parents would be to immediately assume the disciplinarian stance, and resort to verbal or physical forms of reprimanding. Mom or Dad will want to immediately assert themselves as the authority figure, and treat their child’s subversive behavior as something to immediately quash and correct.

Before you let your anger take over you, it’s best to stay calm. It’s only natural to get upset in these situations, but take this chance to set a good example on being composed in stressful situations and discussing things in a firm (but not harsh) way.

Don’t counter-argue with your child using the same immature manner. Never validate shouting or sarcasm as a proper way of expression. Stand your ground and show who’s the parent and the adult.

Let your child vent and listen to him. No matter how disrespectful or biting your child’s words may already be, give him the chance to air his dissatisfaction or feelings first before responding. Listen to him and discern what may have triggered the argument from what he says.

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“Talk with”, not “talk to”. There’s a big difference between talking with and just plain telling someone what to do or what not to do. Remember that you’re talking to your child. While intimidation may be a helpful tool for some parents, in these instances, treat your child as someone to be respected and listened to. Get down to eye-level when talking with him and speak in a calm manner and tone. Ask him what’s wrong and why he felt that way and what you can do to help. Converse, and don’t talk down.

Respond with love and fairness. Explain to your child that you will always be around to listen and to help, but remind him as well that there’s a right way, time and place for him to say what’s on his mind. If the argument stemmed from him not getting what he wanted, emphasize that he can’t always get things he wants, because these must be earned first or are just not good for him. Be firm but always be fair and impartial at the same time.

While arguing in itself is not exactly a bad thing because it allows those involved to air their views, it’s best to avoid it because by its very nature, arguing dictates that one party should win over the other. A better way to do it is to create an informal, non-confrontational atmosphere in the home that would allow respectful communication, openness and honesty.


Sources:
•    “The Right Way to Argue With Your Kids” www.imom.com
•    “Arguing with Your Child Is Like Trying to Push a River” www.jcparentzone.com

Photography by Jun Pinzon

May 3, 2011

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"It is not until you become a mother"