The Blessing Of Children – True Stories of Large Filipino Families

When it comes to big families, I personally am all for it. Both my parents are from large families: my dad is the eldest of 10 siblings (12 counting those who died at birth), and my mom is the third among 8. During their time, it was common for parents to have that many children. With our generation though, having more than two kids is sometimes considered a great challenge, and one that many parents are not so willing to face. Personally, my husband and I want four kids, but are open to having even more should we be gifted with them.

Here we take a look at Filipino families who have taken that path less travelled – that of having four kids or more – even at a time when the world is recovering from financial crises and global issues which sometimes become reasons we are “scared” to bring children into the world.

Maria Jovita “Jovy” Salumbides is a 45 year-old dentist married to 46 year-old Jose Marcelino, or “Joemar”, a full-time Catholic lay missionary. They are the proud parents of five kids: Mary, 12; Anne, 11; Joseph, 9; Elizabeth, 8 and Joshua, 6.

When asked how they manage with so many mouths to feed, Jovy jokingly replies “I really don't know!” Jovy adds that “we try to live within our means and we have been truly blessed to still be able to enjoy some luxuries like having a car and living in a nice home.”

However, their family is not without their share of difficulties. Just recently their youngest, 6 year-old Joshua, complained of severe stomach pains. They brought him to the hospital and were told that he might have a ruptured appendix and may need an emergency appendectomy. 

Click here to read more about the Salumbides family.

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Unknown to them, their four kids back home, upon learning of Joshua's condition, had already started a prayer vigil. The love and concern her kids showed for their brother, despite their ages, truly surprised her.

Instances like these affirm Jovy’s belief that there is never a dull moment when you have a lot of kids.

“It’s like having a children's party everyday in your house, especially during mealtimes, you never run out of stories to tell or to listen to. There is also a lot of love and support when it’s needed most. Clothes and shoes are a good investment, there are a lot of hand-me-downs so sulit talaga. And then of course, the older ones tend to help the younger ones whenever Mom and Dad aren't around.”

When it comes to finances though, Jovy admits that it is a big challenge to stick to a budget, especially when something unexpected comes up. However she emphasizes, too, that “it may be difficult but not impossible to do.” She and Joemar also strive hard to spend quality time with each child and make sure they all get equal attention.

As Natural Family Planning (NFP) practitioners themselves (using the Billings Ovulation Method), Jovy and Joemar prefer this method because “it’s free, it’s healthy, meaning I don't have to take anything that could give me bad side effects or put anything inside my body that could actually do me harm instead of good.” Couples just need to be patient in observing and recording their observations (of the woman’s fertile period) to be able to succeed in either achieving or postponing pregnancy.

Despite the challenges of having a lot of kids, Jovy says that she never regretted having any of them since “each child is a gift from God.” At first, she was worried about their finances, especially since Joemar is working as a fulltime missionary, but she says that God has shown her time and again that they are well provided for.

“More children means more blessings, but only if we take our responsibility seriously as a parent. Someday we will see the fruits of our labor and not only will we be blessed, they will be a blessing to many others as well,” she shares. For parents who are “scared” or hesitant to have more kids, Jovy has these final words: “Don't worry, God is in control all the time.”

 

Click here to read about the Ong family.

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For 40 year-old housewife Michelle Ong, wife to Harvey, a marketing director, Jovy’s parting words ring true, but she also cautions against leaving everything up to God. As mom to Luigi, 14 and a half, Mikhaela, 13, Miggy, 11 years and 10 months, Caitlin, 4 years and 10 months, and Maxine, 17 months, Michelle shares that they are “blessed” that her husband's salary, along with “wise investments and prudent expenditures,” allows them to live comfortably.

For her, seeing all of her kids growing up being responsible for each other and taking care of each other (especially the 3 older kids looking after the 2 smallest ones) is one of the best things about having a large family.

“There's always laughter in the house,” Michelle says. “Our kids are more comfortable interacting with other children since they are used to being around their siblings. They are more responsible and more sensitive to other people's needs. They have also learned to share more.”

Practically speaking though, parents with more children need to “think twice about spending on things” like vacations and eating out. “You can't go on as many trips as often because it would be costly. Even eating out is a consideration -- how much it's going to cost the family,” Michelle points out.

Unlike Jovy, Michelle is believes that “at the end of the day, it's a couple's choice whether they want to use contraceptives or not or if they want to limit the number of children (they have).” She says that parents should not forget that aside from giving life to a child it is also their moral responsibility to give them a decent life. “The important thing is that all people especially the poor have access to information -- whether it's natural family planning or artificial methods-- and letting them know the pros and cons of each method.”

Click here to read more about the Ong family.

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Coming from a large family herself, with 4 siblings, she had always wanted to have 4 kids of her own, too. Although their fifth child was not planned she says that she doesn’t regret having her, saying that all of her kids make her happy. She considers children as “God’s blessings,” though she does think that perhaps the spacing between kids should have been farther apart.

Michelle and Harvey originally used the Rhythm method as their mode of family planning --only to find out after her 3 consecutive pregnancies that it was not a good method for them, since the rhythm method assumes that the woman would have an exact 28-day cycle. She said that “it is not that reliable since stress, diet, exercise and hormonal changes may alter a woman's cycle.” This is why after their third child, they opted to use condoms instead, and after her 5th child, she had herself ligated “due to medical reasons.”

When it comes to family size, Michelle is of the opinion that “it's not the quantity that counts but the quality of the family” and says that what is most important is the children’s “formation and values system.” After all, she says, there are so many stories of “other big families struggling to survive daily,” and even “some rich big families have fighting among the siblings.”

This is why Michelle advises parents who have the means to not hold back in having more children “because you can afford it. Your children will be your assets when you grow older because they give you that inspiration to work harder and to be the best parent that you can be.” To those who may struggle financially to support a lot of children though, Michelle says to think twice before having many kids, as what is important is that parents “are able to give our children a decent life.”

Click here to read about the Poliquit family.

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For Monica Poliquit, a 31 year-old homeschooling mom and associate editor of “The Modern Teacher” magazine, wife to Dennis, an on-air supervisor at Magic 89.9, being parents to five kids aged 7 and below translates to “lots of hugs, smiles, fun and I love you’s.” Her kids Gaby, 7; twin boys Joaquin and Jaime, 6; and twin girls (!) Jessica and Sophia, 2, are her main reasons for saying so.

Having originally planned to have 2 to 3 kids, Monica and Dennis got an “instant” large family after only 3 pregnancies, since her last 2 pregnancies were both pairs of twins. Despite their original plan though, they have no regrets about having many children. It’s as if “God gave us 2 bonus kids,” Monica shares. “How can you regret something that was God-given? Everything has its purpose.”

Indeed, both Monica and Dennis claim God’s grace for helping them make ends meet, and at the same time are grateful to Monica’s parents’ generosity, since they have been living with them since her second twin pregnancy. Like Jovy and Joemar, they do have their financial challenges and also do their best to give adequate attention to each child.

In terms of family planning, Monica says that she used to take birth control pills, but the side effects (particularly nausea) did not go well with her job back then, which usually had her up until two in the morning. “Early morning work + nausea = very cranky, unproductive me,” she adds. “It was only after we had our second set of twins did we take up a more permanent mode of contraception.” (Writer’s note: Monica did not disclose specifics, and we respect her decision and right to privacy.)

For her, “any loving family, no matter big or small, is a happy, blessed family.” That’s why when it comes to giving tips to parents who are considering having more kids, but have their doubts, Monica says that it’s okay “to be afraid or hesitant, because there are legitimate concerns behind these feelings.”

She also advises spouses to talk it out whether a big family is indeed something they would like to have, since “it is a HUGE responsibility to raise children, and it's not just about the cost. These are actual people, lives that you will be taking care of. Are you ready for that?” To end, Monica says that prayer and including God in raising up your kids, no matter how many they are, are what’s most important.

Taking from these three moms, I personally think it is safe to say that all children could be and should be regarded as blessings, planned or not. Once they are born, it is the parents’ duty to be good stewards and raise them responsibly, given the right support and encouragement from their families, communities and government agencies. After all, as the lyrics in that song by Whitney Houston goes “the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.”