Modern Family: 5 Unconventional Parents and their Stories of Love

The family as we know it is changing as quickly as the times. It used to mean that a man and a woman become one and bear children of their own, but these five families show us that though non-traditional, family is what they make it to be.

 

INTERRACIAL FAMILY

Amor Maclang, 37
Married to Brad Geiser, 46, American-Jewish
Mom to Peggy, 10

Coming together: We met at a hotel lobby in Quebec, Canada while we were in different business conferences. [Culture shock in the early stages of our marriage] happened more to my husband. I was far more familiar with the ways of Americans than he was with the ways of Filipinos. Happily, he’s a fast learner.

We both started with nothing and built our life from the ground up, doing everything together, including setting up our own public relations and social marketing company, GeiserMaclang.

Our family dynamics: I am the more spiritual one in our family. My husband is more domestic and concerned with running the house and keeping everyone disciplined, but we each try our best to be supportive of what the other is doing. We had to learn how to let go of work when we are at home.

The challenges of an interracial family: It was hard for Brad to accept children sleeping beside their parents, grandparents, etc. In his culture, it is wrong and harmful to a child’s development. Since then, he has modified his stance to “It’s okay once in a while.”

The joys of my modern family: Gaining perspective. We experience the same things but understand them very differently. I think it has helped us overcome a lot of things.

I really don’t think we could fit in the mold of a traditional family. But I don’t think anyone else understands me the way he does or would give me that balance of space and support to go after everything I’ve ever wanted. I even think that, sometimes, my parents love him more than they love me!

My advice to other families in the same situation: It takes real commitment from both sides to make things work and the belief that there is always a solution to any issue.

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything because... they have made me who I am.

 

ADOPTED FAMILY

Chary Mercado, 44
Married to Lito Mercado, 46
Mom to Lucas, 13, and Maya, 9

On making the decision: Even before my husband and I got married, we decided it would make more sense for us to adopt kids since my work with homeless children made me aware of how many kids out there need homes. 

On raising the kids: We got our children when they were still babies, so we’re the only parents they’ve ever known. The getting-to-know-you phase was the same experience as with any other newborn entering any family. It’s a lot of work, but it has a lot of priceless moments, too. I am prepared to help my kids search for their biological parents much later on in life, but only if they express an interest in searching. For now, I help them understand adoption in a positive way.

Family dynamics: They’ve known no other mom, and there hasn’t been a single moment that I haven’t felt like their mom. We’re very close, and my kids have never doubted for a second that we love them more than anything. We always tell them that taking them into our family was the best decision we have ever made, and it’s true.

My fears for my kids are planted by other people who are skeptical about adoption. I am worried that they may meet some ignorant people who’ll say something nasty or unwarranted about their genetic background. That’s why I take adoption advocacy quite seriously.        

The challenges of adoption: Managing others’ expectations. It’s not like we’re ignorant of the risks involved; we just can’t let those fears stand in the way of doing what we have our heart set on. 

The joys of my modern family... are the same as the joys of having a child. That would depend on how much time, love, and patience you shower on your child. Most of the time, I do not think we are any different. Once in a while, however, when my kids have to perform in school, or when I am interviewed about their adoptions, I feel a responsibility to show the world there is nothing to fear about it. I want to celebrate my children’s achievements to show the world that adopted kids can shine as long as they are given unconditional love and opportunities to grow. 

I want to make my kids aware that they have the power to be positive role models for adoption. It’s a bit of a responsibility, but it’s also an opportunity to make a difference in our society.

My advice to other families in the same situation: For as long as you have love to give and realistic expectations, you can enjoy the pleasures of parenthood, which eclipse all other good experiences I have had so far by a million miles.

However, I must admit that adoption is not for everyone. Some people, even those with the kindest hearts or the sweetest of temperaments, cannot make the leap of faith required of adoptive parents. Both parents have to be committed 110 percent to make it work.

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything because… their welfare and their happiness are the most important thing to me. Nothing else comes close.

 

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LAKI SA LOLA

Nene Dinglasan, 68
Married to Jess Dinglasan, 74
Lola to Gavin Tuazon, 10, and Mikalah Dinglasan, 7

Living with Lola: Mikalah stays in my house during the week, since her parents are very busy with work and her school is just a stone’s throw away from our place. But Gavin’s parents are separated and so my daughter lives with us together with her son Gavin and daughter Amber (not in photo), who is six months old. My daughter is currently working the night shift at a call center and going to school during the day. Given the situation, I have to help take care of her children.

Spoiled silly: I try to instill good values and manners while they are in my home, but I have to admit I give in to their wants. My children say I spoil them too much, but I am their lola after all. 

I spoil them while my kids discipline them—that’s why they don’t forget who their parents are.

Family dynamics: I have yayas to help take care of them but since they are close in age, they play together and don’t require much looking after. My husband is very patient when sitting them down and teaching them how to pray the Holy Rosary and such. I make sure they sleep early for school the next day, do their homework before watching TV and playing, and eat on time. My day revolves around them. We go on vacations together. On weekends, they stay with their parents. 

The challenges of raising grandchildren: The biggest challenge for me would be my age. I would love to be able to still play and run around with them and see them grow into adults!

The joys of my modern family... are in having my grandchildren around. I am very fortunate to see them every day and to be able to shower them with hugs and love. If I had my way, I would love for all of my grandchildren to live with me. I think society should be proud of grandparents who are there to help their family in any way they possibly can. Our culture is very family-oriented, so I think my situation is actually very common especially among many OFWs who have no choice but to leave their children with their parents to ensure a better future for them.

My advice to other families in the same situation: Cherish the time you have with your grandchildren. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have as much time with his apos as he would want.

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything because... they are what define me as a person. I wouldn’t be who I am—someone who is God-fearing and who loves life in all its aspects—without them.

 

 

GODPARENT

Ricardo Jose Vasquez, 54
Daddy to Gaby, 16

Making the decision: A good friend asked me if I was interested in adopting, since there were a lot of abandoned babies in maternity clinics where he was a volunteer consultant. Two years later, he told me he found a two-month-old baby girl who reminded him of my nieces. I immediately met him at the hospital nursery, and I spotted her right away.

Family dynamics: [I told Gaby she was adopted] around the time when she started to appreciate storytelling. I researched and acquired a lot of books on adoption and same-sex parents. I had a partner then whom Gaby referred to as Poppy; I was Daddy. I also sought professional help from a clinical psychologist to determine the best time for Gaby to learn of our unique family situation. When Gaby turned six, we started regular sessions with the child psychologist.

Raising Gaby: Until she was eight, I was co-parenting with my partner. I was Mr. Mom, attending to school matters, doctor’s appointments, and play dates. I was also the bad cop, calling her out on every count of misbehavior; her Poppy was like Santa Claus, mostly in charge of the fun stuff. I’m blessed with excellent family support and wonderful “in-laws.” Plus, I have my sister to stand-in as Gaby’s mom, for all intents and purposes.

My biggest challenges: There are great days when everything is light and free-flowing. The rest is an opportunity to learn and grow for both Gab and myself. There is no doubt in my mind that she will achieve her dreams on her own. I’m here to make sure that she gets a fair chance at life, that she’s always in good health, that she gets a good education, and is aware of her God-given talents while I provide her with the opportunities to hone such talents. I hope to teach her practical life skills like kindness, compassion, patience, and perseverance.

The joys of my modern family: I have always said that God has a wicked sense of humor, having matched me (a borderline obsessive-compulsive creature) with a child with ADHD. But it has taught me to take the focus away from myself and instead, look at things from a different perspective.

My advice to other families in the same situation: Find a support system. It’s hard to do it alone. Always remind yourself why you decided to take this path and never look back, never question, never regret. Love your child always, and love unconditionally!

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything because... for Gaby and myself, it is our fate and destiny. Never question God’s wicked sense of humor.

 

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BLENDED FAMILY

Katherine Calderon-Uyliapco, 35, mom to Dominic ‘Nico’ Balajadia, 12
Married to Nicholai Uyliapco, 36, dad to Soleil Uyliapco, 12
Child together: Amber Uyliapco, 5

Coming together:
Kat: It wasn’t that hard for our kids to get along because they were both just five years old when we got married. Before that, we’d let them hang out together. I think they get along more than biological siblings do, and they hardly fight.

Nic: We had to ask ourselves the hard questions before we initially introduced the kids to each other. Having God in the center of our family, I had no doubt it would work.

Kat: We also do weekly bible studies with the kids. In our family, God comes first, and when we follow God as our priority, there is little conflict. We constantly talk to the kids about our situation, and we are honest about everything.

Family dynamics:
Nic: My daughter Soleil grew up without her biological mom around, so it was pretty easy for her to view Katherine as her mom.

Kat: In Nico’s case, I share custody with his dad. He stays with him during weekends and with Nic and me during the weekdays. I think it’s harder for him because there are different rules and different parenting styles from both sides. He also has more siblings on his dad’s side, but being the eldest is an advantage for him. I think Nico’s loyalty is to me and his biological dad, but this doesn’t stop him from following my husband’s rules. Soleil already sees me as her mom. I also remind Nico that he has two dads, and he can count on both of them. It also helps that Nico’s dad and I are friends and can talk about Nico and our concerns for him.

The challenges of a blended family:
Nic: Initially, we thought it would be the kids, our different parenting styles, and things we’d still have to clear with the other family, but presently, there seems to be none.

Kat: I think the biggest challenge is in raising Amber in this kind of setup since Nic and I had her together. She might not understand why Nico has a different dad and Soleil has a different mom.

Nic: It’s like having twins, because Nico and Soleil are the same age and their birthdays are only a week apart. It’s fun to tease people about how all the kids are the eldest in the family: my daughter Soleil, Kat’s son Dom [Nico], and now our daughter Amber. It’s that or ‘Mine, hers, ours!’

Our advice to other families in the same situation:
Nic: Be the spouse that Jesus would want you to be, and raise your children the way God would want you to raise them. Constantly talk about concerns before they become issues.

Kat: Make your spouse a priority before the kids. This will keep your family together and will benefit your children more. Don’t play favorites among your children. Focus on what they need because no child is the same.

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything because...
Nic: I believe that this family is a gift from God. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9).

 

Unconventional families are present everywhere, and even Disney could not deny this fact. The Disney children’s show Good Luck, Charlie was recently under fire for featuring a lesbian couple and their child as guest characters in one of its episodes.

Watch the video here:

In a report by Philstar.com, Fr. Conegundo Garganta, an official of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP), said, “I was not able to watch it but if that was aired it is sad. Values are compromised,” and added that parents should monitor what their kids watch on television.

Meanwhile, beverage giant Coca-Cola became the first company in a Superbowl game to show a gay family in its advertisement. Last February 2, millions of football fans from around the world watched as the video, a celebration of America’s diversity, showed in a 5-second clip two males and their daughter roller-skating with the song ‘America the Beautiful’ in the background.

Watch the ad here:

 

 

Photos by Sara Black