There’s no Place like Home: How OFWs Stay Connected with the Families they Left Behind

We Filipinos are known for our “extended family” culture. Filipino families are very close-knit, oftentimes going beyond the basic unit of father, mother and children to include the grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins.  

These days, however, due to the rise of Filipino workers leaving the country to pursue better opportunities and greener pastures abroad, family togetherness is being compromised. How ironic that the reason most migrant workers are forced to leave home is precisely because they love their families that they would bear the long distance and sacrifice not being with them just so they could save up for their future.
 
Though some are lucky to be able to bring their extended families with them, this is not a common scenario. Thus, we see less and less “complete” family get-togethers. Opportunities to gather together for Christmas, New Year, birthdays, baptisms or even regular weekends with our extended families have become so rare these days.  

My husband and I have been based in the Middle East since 2006. In 2008, our son was born in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. The first time we brought him home to Manila, he was only 4 months old. Imagine how proud and excited his grandparents, uncles and aunts were to finally see him. The next time we were able to visit the Philippines, it was Christmas season and our son, who was then 2 years old, was able to experience celebrating the holidays with our extended families for the first time. Once again, he was welcomed by our families with such warmth and excitement. However, this time, it took our son quite some time to warm up to them. It felt like he was meeting them for the very first time. It was such a challenge for all of us to orient him on the concept of “lolo” and “lola”, “titos” and “titas”. There was even a time when our son was already asking us to go back home – in Dubai, which he considers “home”. Then just as he was starting to get adjusted and bond with them, it was already time for us to leave and fly back to the Middle East.

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We whose children had been born and are being raised in a foreign land have the responsibility to keep them connected with our families back home and teach them to appreciate their roots. According to Leggy Chuaquico-Sabido, stay-at-home mom to 1-year old Andre and based in Dubai, UAE, with her husband, “Grandparents do play an important role in our children, primarily, there are some parenting skills that we haven't fully mastered. With them around, they can help our children grow up to be good kids. Although, there is the issue of too much spoiling... so this is where we draw the line.”

On the other hand, Mayleen Panaligan-Balunggaya, a working mother, residing in the United States, with two young children both under 3 years old, has this to say on the importance of relating with extended families, “I was ALWAYS around my extended family. They were my “babysitters” and practically helped raise me as well. My mom has several sisters and they are all like second moms to me.  I’m an only child so my first cousins are the closest I have to siblings. It’s important for my children to know all of our extended family to maintain that closeness.”

Mayleen adds that: “We are a very closely-knit family, and I want my children to imbibe that, too. Every greeting and every goodbye is expressed with a hug and a kiss to every single person. I want my children to be the same way.”

Personally, it is my hope for my son to grow up loving and respecting his grandparents, uncles and aunts, despite the distance. Even in his young age, I know I can already teach him gradually that he has a family back home in the Philippines who loves him. Here are some things we can do as parents to help keep our children connected:

Capture all those “perfect family moments”.  Whenever we get the chance to visit the Philippines for vacation, make sure to take photos of every special occasion, family outings, and get-togethers our children got to share and experience with our families. Capture most especially your child posing with his grandparents or cousins or uncles. It is of course important to bring these photos along when we leave, and find opportunities to remind our children about relatives and the stories behind each picture.

Make a photo-themed family tree. Just focus and start with the 1st degree family (your parents and siblings with their families, if they are already married) so as not to confuse your younger children with so many names and faces to remember. Be as creative as possible so your children will enjoy the family tree. Write headings such as “Daddy’s Family” and “Mommy’s Family” then include the members’ photos and names so they can be easily identified by your child.

Put special meaning into the gifts given to your children. The first gift my son received from my mother was a bedtime soft, fabric book, entitled, “Goodnight Little One”, and every time I would read it to him I would tell him that “this is from “lola” and she wants mommy to read it to you”. If you personalize every gift your children would receive from your family, they will instantly feel a connection with them through it.

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Keep your families updated on your child’s milestones. Update your families of new things your child is able to accomplish or learn so that the next time they see your children, they may already have an idea on what to talk to them about, their interests, or what activities they can do together.  

Remember special family occasions. Never forget to inform your child of birthdays, anniversaries of family members and other special family occasions. Encourage you child to greet them. Use technology to our advantage… there are so many ways to be in touch with our loved ones through email, video calls or chats, networking sites. Keep in mind to supervise your child when going online though.

“It is somehow easier for our children to stay connected with our families back home through video chat applications like Skype and Yahoo Messenger. My son regularly sees his grandparents thru Skype. I also show to my son recent pictures of his grandparents and other immediate relatives. He may not remember their faces because he is still very young, but I know in time he'll become familiar with them”, shares Leggy on how she keeps her son, Andre, connected with their extended families.
 
Encourage your child to keep in touch. Who says letter-writing is a thing of the past? I believe this is still the best and most meaningful way for our children to keep in touch with our families. Teach your child to write simple notes or drawings for his grandparents just to say hello or to an aunt or uncle who might be sick. We can take pictures of it or scan these so we can email their letters to our families. Keep all the original ones so your child can personally give these to them when you come home for a vacation.

Teach your child to pray for them. Part of our bedtime ritual is to pray together as a family. I love listening to how our son would say his own prayers for mommy and daddy, his grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Even, “Chuckie” our family pet back home, is included in the prayer.     

My husband and I both agree that our top priority is to teach our children to value the family. No matter how far we may be from one another, and no matter how long it may take before we could all be together, the important thing is that we are connected. This way, our children will grow up knowing they have a family they can always come home to.

Photo from flickr.com