'My Wife is More Financially Stable, and I'm OK with That'

For more than a decade now, my wife has been doing profitably as a career professional in corporate training. In addition to that, she’s pursuing higher studies and gets to go to international conferences and deal with the elite of her field. I, on the other hand, am an undergrad (who had a pretty lengthy stay in college) who does freelance writing work and a few sidelines here and there. Needless to say, she pulls in a lot more for the family bank account than I do. I’ll be the first to admit that our lifestyle is largely due to her efforts.
 
Does this situation keep me up at night? Does this make me feel like less of a man? Do I feel jealous? Nope to all three. Here’s why:
 
Your self-worth should not be tied down to financial value. My dad was a high power executive in the 1980s - he used to work for big names like Ayala and CIGI. Sure, he made a lot of money back in the day, but he hardly had time for me, or my mom. He was always too busy working deals and traveling to the Middle East and Europe to spend quality time with us. When he’d get home after weeks of being away, he’d get us expensive presents to buy away his guilt for not being around. Eventually, my mom got fed up with the neglect and split up with him.  
 
Now that I have my own family, I realized that you don’t have to make lots of money to be a success at life. I can say I’m making the grade so far at being a husband – this is my first marriage and I’ve made it last longer than my dad did at his first. I’m also doing well in my career, because even though I don’t rake in as much cash as my wife does, I get work regularly enough from clients. I get perks that few writers do – I traveled to some very interesting destinations and dined in some posh places, all for free when I review restaurants and hotels. I’ve interviewed quite a few celebrities and important people as well. But I also do well at home as this next point reveals…
 
There are things you can do better. At home, whenever appliances need taking apart, I’m the one who handles it. If a cabinet needs repair, if a gadget needs fixing, my wife comes to me for it. When her laptop starts acting funny or requires a complex operation like memory optimization, defragmentation or antivirus scanning, I take care of the problem. I do the literal heavy lifting as well, for said appliances and furniture. The house’s filing system, both financial and sundry, is something I created and manage, as I’m the one with an accounting and office management background. Being aware of these things gives me confidence in myself, and in my relationship with my wife.

Click here to read more.

[previous|page|next]

Pull your weight (even if you don’t make as much). I pay my share of the bills, do the laundry, the dishes and keep our home as tidy as I can as we only get a housecleaner come in twice a week. I take the pets to the vet and drive for us whenever possible. I know where to bring our car when the fender needs to get buffed or when the speakers have to be replaced. I have all the numbers of all the carpenters, plumbers and masons for problems that are beyond my skill set. Modesty aside, the house would fall apart without me. My wife relies on me to get those jobs done so I take care of my share. I know that my contribution to our marriage is significant, even if she makes more money.  
 
Love what you do. Everything I do from keeping the house together to freelance writing is fun for me. With my work, I’m able to submit my articles ahead of schedule so I give my editors ample time to edit my work, thus making them happy and giving me more time to either get more sidelines in, or free time (a precious commodity) for myself and my wife. Knowing that there are things I do better than my spouse is also something I can take pride in, even if she is the one responsible for feeding us and paying the bills. So keeping the house together also is a source of pleasure for me, so I try to do my best with it too.
 
Be grateful. If my wife wasn’t making as much money, we’d be living a lot less comfortably and a lot more simply, with not as many shopping trips, movie dates, fancy restaurants or prudent investments for the future. I always make it a point to be thankful for the things we have and to show my appreciation to her for it. After all, having more money doesn’t hurt, and we wouldn’t have it without her being where she is now.
 
Take stock of your feelings and really be honest with yourself about your situation. If you still sense that you have issues about your career or your wife’s success, then perhaps you and your spouse may need to consider getting a family counselor to help you process your feelings toward each other.

Photo from sxc.hu