10 Signs you are Turning into your Own Mother

It’s been said that, sooner or later, we all turn into our own mothers. Little by little, we find ourselves sounding like our moms, or acting like them, or having the same quirks – even if many of us promised ourselves during our teen years that we would be completely different when we grew up.

So how do you know that you’re (gasp!) starting to morph into the woman that your mother is? Here’s what the moms we talked to said:

1. You’re starting to look like your mom.
There is no escaping genes. Of all the ways you would turn to your mother, this is often one of the most inevitable.

Liz delos Santos, a fulltime mom of two kids, said, “I always knew I looked like my mom. We had the same features, so I knew that the moment I aged a little, I would look almost exactly like her.

“Our main difference was our hairstyles – but recently, I’ve realized I can’t keep my long straight ‘do anymore. I’m just too old for it. The moment I get my hair cropped and maybe permed, I’m going to look exactly the way my mom did when I was a kid!

“But,” she added, “my mom is beautiful, so who’s complaining?”

2. You’re starting to sound like your mom.
You know those things that your mom likes to say and you heard so often when you were a kid? You didn’t think those would simply fade away from your subconscious, did you? One of these days, you’ll find yourself blurting out the exact same phrases.

Mommy Sara, a mother of five, said, “It started, I think, when my third kid was around two years old. My mom’s words would just flow out of my mouth, as if I were possessed. I would say, ‘Did you wash your hands? With soap?’ or ‘Did you make your bed? Properly?’"

“Once, during a family reunion, I told my kids, ‘Stop running around, I’m not spending New Year’s Eve at the ER!’ and my sister suddenly turned around and said, ‘I thought you were mom!’ I hate it, but I can’t stop it!” she laughed.

3. You’re starting to eat like your mom.
Tastes evolve. Notice how so many kids hate veggies, but when they grow up, they learn to like eating the green stuff anyway? As we said, tastes evolve! And often, our sense of what’s delicious (or edible) becomes more similar to our mom’s.

Karen Sevilla, a retired medical technologist, said, “Whenever my mom ate french fries, she would brush the salt off first before putting the fries in her mouth because, she said, they were too salty. At that time, I laughed at her. But now I find myself brushing the salt off peanuts, for exactly the same reason!”

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4. You’re listening to your mom’s music.
It was probably the first music you listened to anyway. And all throughout your childhood, before you got the right to choose radio stations, it was the music you were exposed to, and – admit it – at that time, it was the music that you loved.

As we grew older and started to assert our individuality, we started to have our own preference for music. But the music of our childhood eventually returns to us.

“I like to sing the same songs my mother used to sing,” said Nanay Virgie, who now takes care of her grandchildren. (Her youngest is already 21 years old.) “My mother loved Tagalog ballads and ABBA. Today, when I sing her favorite songs, I feel she’s around again – and my kids would say I sing just like their grandma.”

5. You’re getting your mom’s strange compulsions.
HR consultant Allelie Cordero recalled how her mom would always tell her to wear nice undies, just in case she gets into an accident. “You don’t want people to see your undies with holes, do you?” her mom would say.

“Before I got married, I thought it was rather silly. If I got hit by a car, the last thing I’d worry about were my undies, right?” Allelie said. “But these days, I’m really more concerned. If I were in an accident today, I certainly wouldn’t want people to see me wearing old undies!” she laughed.

6. You’re following your mom’s bedtime rituals.
This comes with age. You remember how your mom would wash her face, then put toner, then cold cream, or whatever it was that she did for a whole hour before she would go to bed? If you remember, then it’s pretty likely you’ll be doing something like that too, once the signs of age start showing up on you, the way they were starting to show up on her when you were a kid.

Mommy Jen, who describes herself simply as “a Mormon mom,” said, “I never used to have a bedtime ritual for myself when the kids were little. It was all I could do to get them bathed and brushed, read their stories, and say our prayers. Before it was all over, I was ready to fall asleep!

“But now that the kids can bathe and brush and read by themselves, I’ve got more time to myself. And since I’m not getting younger, I have to spend time with my toners and creams. My husband once joked that if I put just one more thing on my face before bedtime, I would be just like my mom.

“To be honest, when he said that, I froze up for one whole minute. But I know it’s not going to happen. I can’t afford those two other creams I saw at a catalog yesterday – not yet, anyway,” she said with a sheepish grin.

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7. You treat strangers like your mom did.
Mommy Allelie Cordero narrated, “You know how strangers who don’t know our names would sometimes call us Nanay or Misis? My mom hated that. Whenever anybody addressed her that way, she would say, ‘Mrs. De Leon po,’ without a smile. I used to get so embarrassed by it."

“Then just two days ago, while I was at the supermarket, the bag boy asked me, ‘Nanay, ibo-box na po natin?’ referring to my groceries. Before I could stop myself, I said, ‘Mrs. Cordero po.’ And I actually felt good saying it!”

8. You treat your siblings like your mom did.
Mommy Sara shared how, after she and her siblings lost their mother, she’s started taking her mom’s role. “I’m the eldest,” she says, but goes on to list her confessions: “I call them to ask how things are. I hover when we’re at their house. I bring treats for their kids. And I give advice when I’m not asked.”
“What can I do?” she said. “I love them!”

9. You treat your kids like your mom did.
Well, it was the way we were raised. So how can we help it? We can try to go against it, but to be honest, it really goes against the grain to do so.

Colleen Ramirez, who has two boys and one girl all below seven years old, recalls that when she was a kid, her mother would let her play in the street in front of their house but would always warn her, “If any stranger comes near, run into the gate and call to me for help!”

Today, she says, she tells her kids exactly the same thing. “The two-year-old usually stays inside the yard with his yaya, but I always tell my older son and daughter, ‘If any stranger comes near you, run into the gate and call yaya for help!’ I guess my mom’s paranoia rubbed off on me, but I don’t care. I want my kids to have fun but be safe.”

10. You treat your husband like your mom treated your dad.
Hah! This one’s sneaky. Even those of us who think we’re nothing like our mothers often find that, when it comes to the way we treat our husbands, we can be very much like our moms.

Marie Baesa took an analytic view of the situation: “I guess this one’s pretty hard to avoid. Our moms are our first and most visible examples of how to handle marriage issues. If your mom always got her way by crying, like mine did, you learn that crying lets you get your way.

“In my case, though,” she said, “I realized after four years of marriage that my husband was not like my dad – yes, four years – so I needed to use a different tactic. Today, it’s still hard for me not to get teary eyed when I don’t get my way, but I stop myself and do what works instead.”

When asked what it was that worked, Marie would only answer, “Different things” and smiled.

So as you can see, for better or worse, in many different ways, we all eventually do become our mothers. Admittedly, not all of us relish the thought, but for those mothers whose children reverently say, “I am not like my mother – but I sure wish I could be,” congratulations to you! You did your job well. Happy Mother’s Day!

Photo by SuziJane from flickr creative commons