7 Helpful Hints to Keep the Love Alive in Your Marriage

“It takes a village to raise a child” is a well-known African adage; when it comes to marriage “it takes two to tango.” Your marriage may not be on the rocks, but there’s never too much you can do to keep the fire burning (and no, we don’t just mean sex). Even if you and your spouse are smoothly sailing, these 7 helpful hints on keeping the love alive in your marriage will surely keep you on course.

1.    Make your spouse your top priority. You’re a mom, but a wife first and foremost. Your duty is to make your husband believe that he is the king of the world! Do acts of concern and love that communicate to him that he is your top priority. For example: Make sure he has the largest closet, the most convenient space. This practice testifies to him that you’ve put his needs first, without you having to say a word. Or, make sure that when your hubby gets home from work, everything in the house is tuned into one thing: making him feel comfortable. On romantic interludes, seek to meet his physical needs. All the while, you say without words that you care for him.

2.    Date each other often. Set aside an evening each week to go on a date. You don’t have to make reservations at a fancy restaurant; coffee and donuts or a frozen yogurt joint will do for some meaningful conversation! Of course, make time and set aside budgets for more special dates (which don’t include birthdays and anniversaries!). Dating each other lets you relive the days prior to your marriage, and allows you to talk one-on-one about more than just your financial problems or the kids’ schooling. Relive your dates past and hit your favorite hotspots before the kids came along. Reminisce memorable dates; they make for great conversation. And declare an embargo on talking about work, kids, school—these dates are just for the two of you.

3.    Honor one another. “That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger,” said author George Eliot (who was a woman). Every time you go on a date, start the meal or whatever with a single act: Praise. Praise your spouse for something that week that you appreciated: Taking out the trash, washing the dog, taking care of the kids with no yaya, even picking up clothes. The point of honoring each other is to find one thing in your spouse to be thankful for.

Click here to read more ways on how to keep your marriage alive.

[previous|page|next]

Read on for more ways on how to keep your marriage alive.

4.    Don’t dwell on faults or flaws. Marlene Dietrich said “Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.” Nothing chips away at a marriage faster than hurtful words, wrongful judgments and a record-keeping of faults. Never use blanket statements such as “You never” or “You’re always” when you’re upset with your spouse; these communicate that you have a particular negative outlook on your spouse. If you need to deal with a misunderstanding, tackle that one issue and only that. Don’t be “historical” and dig up past faux pas and mistakes. Keep the love alive in your marriage by forgiving all hurts, faults and mistakes.

5.    Designate a day away from the kids. Once in a while (say, once a month), pack the kids up for a day or two to their grandparents’. During this day or weekend period, go out with your spouse and do something you both really love. It could be as extravagant as a trip out of the country, or as simple as taking a long drive out of town to the beach or the countryside for some R&R. Stick to this day religiously so that you can both look forward to it, plan for it and set aside money for it. See these days as investments in your love life.

6.    Give each other room to breathe. Have your “girl time” with your friends, and let the hubby have his guy’s night out. When you permit each other to do you own thing and hang out with your own friends, you show that you respect each other’s needs for friendships with others.  

7.    Pray with each other. Whatever your faith, prayer works: It works by allowing you and your spouse to commune on a purely spiritual plane. Pray about your marriage: Begin by giving thanks to God for each other, for all the blessings bestowed on your family, and then pray for the strength to be able to get through your current problems. Finally, forgive one another’s faults. “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers,” said Ruth Bell Graham, wife of the famous Billy Graham. Remember: Through marriage, you and your husband are one, something which can only be understood in the spiritual sense. Prayer helps you get centered on this spiritual state.

These tips to fan the flame with your spouse are only the start to keeping the love alive in your marriage. You must maintain it by constantly being conscious of your spouse's love needs, physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and striving to meet them on a daily basis. By striking a balance with these seven hints on how to keep the love alive in your marriage, you will not achieve wedded bliss, but you can be sure to stay in love with your spouse!

Photography by Jun Pinzon