Real Moms and Their Sex Lives: Fear of High Expectations

In our previous articles, we discussed the most important sexual issues that troubled our respondents—whether they were having enough sex or why they would feel dry all the time. This article talks about another concern of real moms—the pressure to perform.

 

Fear of High Expectations

When Astrud hears her friends talking around the office water cooler about the amazing sex they had the night before, or when she watches racy scenes in shows like Desperate Housewives, she feels that lovemaking with her husband is quaint and staid in comparison.  She wonders whether sex with someone you love should be like that.  Astrud and her husband have a decent sex life, but hardly one that involves screaming and moaning.

On the other hand, Margo is annoyed at how her husband demands that kind of raunchiness when they have intercourse.  “He probably got the idea from something he read in a men’s magazine or in the porn collection he probably has,” she complains.  “He always wants to try some bizarre position or trick.”

The problem is usually timing.  “God, I am SO not in the mood for that, pag-uwi ko after the end of a long day,” she laments.  “Puwede ba?  Nagtumbling-tumbling na ako para maka-reach ng quota sa opisina, pati pa ba dito sa bahay?”  Linda, another working mom, concurs.  “Ano ba ‘yan, pati ba dito may performance evaluation?” It doesn’t help these moms that their husbands have high expectations from their sex lives.

 

Click here to read more about and their fear of high expectations when it comes to their sex lives.

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Reality and Illusion

Adult films, like any other form of entertainment, are supposed to be taken with a grain of salt.  Porn stars consider themselves actors for a reason—they emote on cue for their director (the average porn star has sex in front of a camera for six to eight hours a day for a week or two of filming, sometimes longer).  Adult film actors have lots of experience and train themselves intensively to perform the astounding feats of coital acrobatics and endurance you see in the small screen.  Also, ‘special effects’ are used to enhance their performances, such as editing, looped footage, prosthetics, and condensed milk fired from a water pistol. 

You don’t have to moan and groan like a gorilla on shabu to enjoy sex.  Be realistic—the average orgasm is attained after 10-20 minutes of intercourse (after that, it starts to chafe). Your partner shouldn’t expect you to perform complex gymnastic routines in the bedroom or behave like his favorite porn stars.  But it couldn’t hurt to try a new kinky thing or two—your hubby will definitely appreciate a little open-mindedness.  “For men, it’s our love language, in all its forms and positions,” admits Dr. Eddie Concepcion, a General Practitioner medical doctor and acupuncturist of the Oasis Acupuncture Clinic.  “A little variety is also a good thing.”  But guys have to learn to time it right—not after your wife’s had a harrowing day of chasing deadlines, PTA meetings and junior using ate’s ponytail as a paintbrush.

 

Read more articles about Moms and Their Sex Lives:

• How Often is Normal?
• Dry All the Time or Atrophic Vaginitis
• Stress and Harried Woman’s Syndrome
• Improvement Over Time & Intimate Alternatives

 

Photo from sxc.hu