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Payo Dati Ng Tatay Ni Ellen Adarna, Subukan Muna Ang Live-In Setup Bago Magpakasal
PHOTO BY Instagram/Maria Elena Adarna
  • Kinalakihan na raw ni Ellen Adarna ang paniniwalang walang masama sa pakikipag-live-in sa karelasyon bago ang kasal.

    Mismong ang yumaong ama raw niya ang nagpayo sa kanyang mas makikilala niya ang kanyang nobyo kapag nakasama na niya ito sa iisang bubong.

    Paliwanag ni Ellen: "Kasi ako, yung parents ko are very not conservative. When I was 18, I was kicked out of the house.

    "And that time, when I was 18, nung boyfriend ko that time, my dad suggested na, 'Mag-live-in kayo. Get to know your partner.'

    "Yun talaga ang fear niya—magpakasal kami at a very young age.

    "He wanted us to get to know our partner, get to know what we want and what we don't want."

    Kaya naman daw may mga relasyon siya noong hindi nagtagal dahil napagtanto niya agad na hindi niya kayang sabayan kung anuman ang nadiskubre niyang ugali ng mga ito.

    "I'm sanay na nag-live-in since I was 18. Lahat kasi nag-live-in na kami.

    "So feeling ko, if I don't live with the person, parang, 'Oh my god, how will I get to know him? How will I get to know the truth?'

    "Because it's really different when you're in the same house."

    Ibinahagi ito ni Ellen sa panayam sa kanya sa Between Us Queens Spotify podcast nina Pia Wurtzbach, Bianca Guidotti, at Carla Lizardo noong April 16.

    On Ellen's deal-breakers

    Tinanong si Ellen kung ano ang mga ugaling inayawan niya sa kanyang mga naka-live-in noon.

    Pag-amin ni Ellen, "There was one who would call me names, who would degrade me.

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    "It was a normal thing. Pati yaya nadadamay. He would throw things at my yaya.

    "Nakita ko ito after seven months. Dun na lumabas."

    Hindi rin daw gusto ni Ellen ang makuwenta sa pera.

    "I had a boyfriend, I lived in his house. And then I did the grocery, that was my part.

    "In Bisaya, we call it buyboy, parang nangungwenta. Hiwalay agad!"

    No problem with "KKB" during live-in stage

    Sa parte ni Ellen, hindi raw problema sa kanyang magbayad ng sarili niyang gastusin dahil na rin sa kanyang independent attitude.

    "When it comes to expenses and bills, I pay for my own stuff kasi hindi pa naman kasal.

    "I've never experiened na 'Oy, you take care of the electricity and the food and that.'

    "Parang it's always with me, sa situations ko, it was KKB [kanya-kanya ng bayad]."

    Tapat din daw siya sa kanyang karelasyon sa mga hindi niya magandang ugali tulad ng pagiging makalat sa bahay.

    Pag-amin pa ni Ellen: "Ako yung makalat. I've always been honest, 'I'm makalat, I'm like this...'

    "But, I always have a yaya. She takes care of my things.

    "Ever since bata pa talaga, I cannot live without a yaya."

    Importance of healthy communication in a relationship

    Sa huli, idiniin ni Ellen ang kahalagahan ng "communicating in healthy way" pagdating sa pakikipagrelasyon.

    Nakatulong daw nang husto ang kanyang "inner work" o pagsailalim sa self-discovery at wellness retreat para mapagtanto niyang mayroon siyang "pattern" noon na hindi kayang ihayag ang tunay niyang saloobin sa maayos na paraan.

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    "Kasi it's normal to feel these things—yung mga unpleasant emotions—it's just normal.

    "Some kasi, 'O ano? Nababaliw ka na naman. Nagseselos ka na naman.' Like, it's a negative thing, you're not allowed to feel it."

    Alam na raw niyang kontrolin at kalmahin ang sarili sa tulong ng kanyang daily meditations.

    Iyon ang baon ni Ellen nang makilala niya ang fiancé na si Derek Ramsay.

    Aniya, "When I met Derek, I was better at expessing myself. Things just went very smoothly."

     

    This story originally appeared on Pep.ph.

    *Minor edits have been made by the SmartParenting.com.ph editors.

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