How to Deal with Opinionated In-Laws

Being a starter family is hard enough without any outside pressures. As a couple, and as head of the family, both you and your partner are responsible for making decisions both big and small about how you want your family to grow and become. It is a daunting task in itself—not to mention having to care for and rear your children as best you can and as you see fit.

Now, imagine this daunting task with the in-laws verbalizing opinions, making suggestions and making judgments and criticisms at every turn! Having that kind of pressure day in and day out, along with what is already on your plate to begin with, can really take its toll! It can make your relationship with your partner strained, your relationship with your in-laws and parents very uncomfortable, and it can deter you and your partner from making good and confident decisions about your family life.
    
So, how do you deal with overly opinionated in-laws? How do you cope with your parents or your partner’s parents always having something to say and criticize about the decisions you make for your own family? Here are some suggestions.

1)    Know what you are getting into right from the start.
It is highly unlikely that you or your partner would be clueless as to the nature of your parents and be surprised later in your relationship. From the very start, there were most probably clues and hints to their being opinionated from the way they talk about and relate to other people. Being their child (or child-in-law) does not spare you from that. If at all, they may be more critical and opinionated of you because they expect more.  

Try to contemplate about how your parents or your parents were before. Accept    them for who they are, and expect them to stay the same.

 

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2)    Stand strong as a couple.
As with everything, you and your partner have to have each other’s back at all times. It is hard enough to have to live with the criticisms and opinions of the in-laws but knowing that your partner is not supportive and is overly critical of you as well is just too much to handle. You also have to make sure that you and your partner show that you are united in your decisions and actions for your family no matter how the in-laws feel.

3)    In one ear, out the other…to a certain extent.
You know that saying about sticks and stones? Well, use this as your mantra when things get tough. So long as you and your partner truly believe that you are doing what is right and what is best for your family, try not to let the words from the in-laws get to you. Just make sure though that you remember that they really do have your best interests in mind so you may want to hear what they have to say. The final decision though is for you and your partner to make.  

Show the in-laws that you understand they just want what is best for you and your family, but let them know politely, or through your actions, that you and your partner are in charge of the decision-making in your family, no matter what their opinion is.

4)    Speak up when there is a need.
Being belligerent or angry will not help any when it comes to overly opinionated in-laws. Take the high road and do your best to convey your views and feelings in a positive way. They may take offense a little bit or have something to say, but then again, they already do, right? What is important is that they know how you feel and where you stand.

It may not be an odd situation as well for in-laws to share their opinions not only with you but with their friends or other acquaintances. Even worse, some in-laws voice out their disappointments and criticisms to the children! In cases like this, it is best for you and your partner to seriously talk to them and nip this behavior in the bud. Try to share with them that whether they mean to or not, they could be creating negative opinions of you to other people. They could also be undermining your authority to your children and creating more harm than good. Try to be very polite but let them know you are unhappy, you will not stand for it and request them to stop.

 

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5)    If all else fails, a little space never hurt anybody.
Sometimes having overly opinionated in-laws is just something you cannot help. If your family truly is affected by this, make the decision to put a little space between you and them. If you live with them or near them, maybe it is time to find your own space and limit interactions to visits. Do this though without any anger or resentment. Think of it as making opportunities for you as a couple and as a family to grow.

Dealing with opinionated or difficult in-laws can be stressful. They are there, though, whether you like it or not. Keep good relations as best as you can and keep the faith that in time, the in-laws will understand and respect the decisions that you and your partner make. You can never demand change from others so adjust accordingly and always put your family as top priority.    



Photo courtesy of CBS Television