How To Teach Your Child to Honor the Memory of Deceased Loved Ones

As All Souls Day approaches, this is a good time to reflect on ways to honor loved ones who have passed away. SmartParenting.com.ph talks to Gina Estayo-Gloria, Directress of The Young Learners Collaborative (a progressive preschool for children between ages 1.9 to 5 years old) and Gabby Dy-Liacco, a professor and licensed clinical professional counselor who holds a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision from Loyola University, Maryland. They share their professional opinions as well as their own stories of dealing with the loss of loved ones.

Why should we honor the memories of loved ones?
Estayo-Gloria: Honoring our departed loved ones is part of the grief process. This way we are able to come to terms that a parent or grandparent has left this world for a better place where he no longer is sick, hurts, and has done his life's mission.

Dy-Liacco: It is important to honor the memory of a loved one with rituals and gestures of one’s affection, in order to acknowledge the psychological aspect of the loss and to heal experiences of hurt that may result from such a loss, whether or not one anticipated the loss.


How do we honor those who have passed away?
1. Establish rituals.  Dy-Liacco recommends rituals around anniversary dates (birthday, death anniversary, wedding anniversary, Christmas, Easter) to acknowledge the real, positive lasting influences of the loved one in one’s life. Estayo-Gloria’s family goes to mass together and visits the crypt with flowers.

Afterwards, they have a special dinner prepared at home or go out to restaurant that would have a grand parent's old favorites. She and her husband want to show their son Gio they can celebrate their birth life on earth and their birth life in Heaven.

2. Recreate favorite meals. Estayo-Gloria relates, “Food was big with my Dad, so Gio remembers Sunday lunches with Lolo Gene. Gio’s favorite is Nilagang Baka which my dad will cook for hours until it was tender enough to Gio’s liking. Gio called it yambot yambot when he was little. To this day Gio still calls it that way even if he is all of 16 years old.”  

Click here to read more ways on how you can honor those who have passed away.

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Read on for more ways on how you can honor those who have passed away.

3. Show photographs and mementos.  Dy-Liacco tells his children the stories about the many pictures and possessions of their grandmother that are still displayed and meticulously kept around his father’s house.

4. Share stories. Emilie Lucena tells stories about her father as a kid such as how he would sell newspapers to get money for tuition. She thinks it is how her daughters learn about their lolo even though they didn't get to know him much when he was alive.     

5. Include them in prayers. Dy-Liacco routinely asks for his mother’s intercession when his children say their night prayers; and, together praying for the advance of her soul in purgatory.

6. Be open to questions. Dy-Liacco lets his kids ask questions about their deceased loved ones, listen to them when they share their thoughts and feelings about them, and answer their questions directly and honestly in an age-appropriate manner.


Do you have resources you can recommend for further reading?
Estayo-Gloria recommends “What’s Heaven?” by Maria Shriver. It sums up a very emotional and difficult subject narrated in a tender, loving and thoughtful way.

Dy-Liacco recommends the following:
•    www.kidscopewithgrief.com is a website for children  on understanding death; grieving; honoring the memory of a loved one.
•    No longer a Stray: The Gospel According to Pup-pup” by Terry Deffenbaugh. A very well written, engaging book for children and teens that tells the life of Christ from the viewpoint of a fictional puppy that he adopted as a child and which accompanies him throughout his public life as narrated in the Gospels. Helps them understand Christian teaching about life, love, hope, compassion, friendship, forgiveness, suffering, death, and life after death.
•    www.griefcareprovider.com is an excellent resource with links and suggestions for adults, adolescents, and children.

Click here to learn more about Estayo-Gloria and Dy-Liacco.

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Read on to learn more about Estayo-Gloria and Dy-Liacco.

Gina Estayo-Gloria is the Directress of The Young Learners Collaborative, a progressive preschool for children between ages 1.9 to 5 years old, for the last 21 years.

Gabby Dy-Liacco holds a Ph.D. in Counselor Education and Supervision from Loyola University Maryland, with a specialization in Pastoral Counseling. He is a professor at Regent University in Virginia and Loyola University Maryland. He is also a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Maryland and a Licensed Professional Counselor in Virginia. He resides in the Philippines most of the year, where he holds a part-time clinical practice.

Photo from flickr.com