• 'My Husband Cheated. Now I Need to Figure Out What Really Matters'

    An #SPconfession from our Facebook Messenger has this wife asking, "Does my marriage still matter?"
    by SmartParenting Staff .
'My Husband Cheated. Now I Need to Figure Out What Really Matters'
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  • Motherhood can be a lonely job. What has helped many of our moms is having a community who listens and who gives voice to her joy AND her fears and pain. She isn't always looking for answers — sometimes, it's about crying and screaming at the top of her lungs without judgment.

    We call it an #SPconfession.

    If you have been cheated on once or many times, I am with you. I will not say that I know how you are feeling right now because I don't. No one will ever do. You alone know how painful it was and it probably hurts still.

    It doesn't matter how he cheated on you — if they slept together, if the affair was a fling or a "relationship," if they went on a date. It doesn't matter if he courted or pursued someone else or it was an emotional attachment.

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    It doesn't matter if it was just this morning, yesterday, last year or 10 years ago. Time can't tell when the pain goes away. The wound may have healed, but the scar stays in your heart.

    My husband cheated. There was a breach of trust, a breach of love.

    There are so many things that do not matter when the love of your life cheats on you. In fact, it is more difficult to figure out what matters. Does your marriage still matter? Your vows? Your memories? His promises? Your kids? Sometimes these questions remain unanswered for a very long time. 

    I hadn't stopped asking these questions, sometimes every f****ng day, when my husband cheated on me a year ago. There are days that I am peaceful. There are days that I can't think of anything other than that fateful day when my husband decided to cheat on me. The "whys" never end.

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    I am somehow better now. I still cry, yes. I still hate my husband when I think about what he did. But now I can have a peaceful talk with him. We can now go out together. There are times when I see myself enjoying his company again. It's not the same as before, of course. I can't look at him with the same innocence or confidence.

    I am not ready to feel anything special for my husband again. I don't know if I ever will be.

    Where you are right now may be very different from where I am. You may be over the infidelity, and you're on your way to healing and reconciliation. Or you may still be in deep pain and anguish.

    I'd like to let you know that it's okay wherever we may be on this journey. It's okay if you don't know where you're headed. It's okay to focus on yourself right now, on what you are feeling and what you can do to revive what you lost. There are a lot of articles attempting to help you cope. You have friends who are willing to listen.

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    In the end, everything boils down not on what others expect from you — it's about what you can handle, what you are willing to take, and how you want to move forward. You can choose to forgive and forget or to use this to strengthen your relationship. Or you can choose to let go or to wait. It's up to you.

    What I want you to know now is that you are not alone. Someone somewhere is also going through this. We may not be walking side by side, but we are in this together.

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    This piece was submitted to us via our Facebook Messenger and edited for clarity. The author requested that her name be withheld.

    Do you have an #SPconfession? Send it to our Facebook Messenger or email at smartparenting2013@gmail.com Join us at the Smart Parenting Village here.

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