While some would think that the essence of being a parent is putting our children's needs first, research and family advocates say otherwise: healthy parenting starts with a healthy marriage.
Joy Mendoza, mom of six and the wife of former TV anchor Edric Mendoza, shared a beautiful reminder to parents on her Facebook page, Teach With Joy.
She shared some realizations after her husband invited him to join him on his business trip to Iloilo. While it was a brief, overnight trip, she found it 'so healing and so sweet.'
The mom, who is a homeschooling and family advocate, then explained that she and her husband needed some couple time away from their six children. "I had so much fun being his plus 1. I didn’t have to do anything but keep him company, which is one of my favorite things to do."
While some parents would always put their kids first, she gave a reminder. "At first, I didn’t want to leave the kids, but the kids were just fine. I often have to remind myself that my life shouldn’t revolve around my children. Edric must come first, next to God."
ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW"When the marriage is healthy, the parenting is healthier."
She explained, "When the hierarchy of priorities is in check, family relationships are blessed. In contrast, a neglected relationship between husband and wife eventually causes so much tension and stress in the family that everyone suffers."
She then gave a piece of advice to moms, "To all the dear married ladies out there with kids, let’s not forget that our marriage comes before our parenting. When the marriage is healthy, the parenting is healthier. When mommy and daddy are demonstrative and loving toward each other, the kids feel more secure. They also have a positive model to follow for their future marriages."
How to make marriage a priority
But what does putting our spouse first really mean? In an article by Fatherly, family therapists Linda and Charlie Bloom clarify that this doesn't mean that children shouldn't be neglected.
The authors of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last explained, that some parents would find themselves guilty of checking in and attending to the needs of their children daily, but can go on weeks without asking their spouses how they are.
CONTINUE READING BELOWwatch now"They think that because adults are adults that they don’t have needs. Certainly, children’s needs shouldn’t be neglected, but devote some time during the week to nourish the romantic relationship, too," Linda said.
Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg meanwhile said that children need to know their parents love not only them, but each other.
"When the parental team breaks down, children become the biggest losers. They lose their family, which is where they build their sense of security. When children don’t feel secure, their whole world seems to unravel. No amount of baseball, dance, piano lessons or toys can make up for that kind of loss," they explained in an article.
Setting regular date nights or trips together is one way to do this. "People are playing with fire when they put careers and kids first and don’t pay attention to their romantic partnerships," Linda added.
ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOWThe Rosbergs suggest, take out your calendar now, and plot a date when you can have your regular dates with your spouse. Ask your relatives to look after your kids on these dates because this is the first step to making your marriage a priority.
Joy's post already 18,000 reactions and has been shared over 5,000 times. Parents were tagging their spouses in the comment section, promising that they will have a date soon. This is your cue, too.
Another article explains that a little PDA around the kids is good. Read it here.
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