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  • Bakit Laging Galit Ang Asawa Ko? Experts Share How Husbands Can Help

    Having a supportive husband is one of the most effective solutions.
    by Dahl D. Bennett .
Bakit Laging Galit Ang Asawa Ko? Experts Share How Husbands Can Help
PHOTO BY Shutterstock/TimeImage Production
  • Mom rage is real and there are many factors that trigger it. Among these are lack of support, overwhelming domestic tasks, and postpartum depression. The good news is mom rage is manageable when the right help is in place. One of the most effective solutions, moms reveal, is a supportive husband.

    Daddy’s role in mom rage

    Yes, daddy, you have a significant role to play in keeping mommy’s cool as she deals with the children and the home. This, according to expert advice supported by confessions from mothers during a recent Smart Parenting Confessions on the Calamansi app. One of the guests in the episode is psychiatrist Dr. Joan Mae Perez-Imperial, a training officer of the Department of Psychiatrist of the Veterans Memorial Medical Center and a faculty member of the Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health.

    Dads how can you approach your role when it comes to keeping the balance at home and, more importantly, keeping the wife from turning into ‘wifezilla’ when she is overwhelmed with her tasks? Let’s hear it from the moms. 

    Communicate

    Check in on her, ask how she is, provide some comfort, and, more importantly, show your support in action. This was what worked for mommy Dang Ceñir who has just given birth to their second child during the pandemic.

    “'Yung husband ko, game siyang makipag-usap. So, nung napansin niya na umiinit ang ulo ko sa konting kibot nilang lahat we sat down, we talked.”

    What often triggered Dang’s moods was the fact that she wanted to be on top of things around the house but it was impossible because she had a new baby to take care of as well. However, lines from her hubby like, “Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Nandito naman ako. Kaya kong tumulong," go a long way but, of course, such lines need to be shown in action as well.

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    “To help me out, we started bottle feeding with my breast milk. Kapag madaling araw gumigising to pump or breastfeed, he wakes up too, hindi 'yung ako lang ang gising. He gets up, talagang nag-e-effort siya,” Dang shares. Bottle feeding gave Mommy Dang some time for herself while her husband took care of feeding the baby.

    Share duties and responsibilities

    Make the house a home with both mom and dad putting in equal effort. “Dinefine namin kung anong gagawin namin sa bahay, lalo na't wala kaming helper,” shares mommy Chesca Halili.

    “Talagang nakahati, like kunwari ako 'yung maglalaba pero siya 'yung maglilinis dito sa baba or siya 'yung magluluto na ganyan,” she adds.

    Chesca observed that there are times when her husband’s part was not done on time which can have a domino effect on other chores so she installed a white board for him. “Nililista ko dun kung ano 'yung mga kailangan — 'yung mga gusto kong gawin niya like linisin 'yung electric fan, itapon 'yung basura,” she says.

    Her husband would then cross out all accomplished tasks which helped prevent Chesca from repeating herself which was one of her anger triggers. Her advice to other moms, “Basta kailangan i-communicate ninyo dun sa partners ninyo kung ano 'yung triggers ninyo para alam nila yung iiwasan.”

    Anticipate, anticipate, anticipate

    Learn to read your wife’s cues through her mood so you can help nip a possible ‘explosion’ in the bud. Mommy Debbie Villanueva would often turn quiet when something is bothering her and good thing her husband has sharpened his radar in such situations.

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    “Since kilala naman ako ng husband ko, kita niya sa mukha ko na iba na 'yung mood ko, so siya na yung 'yung magte-takeover ng mga trabaho na usually akin. Automatic na 'yun,” she says.

    Her husband then waits for her to cool down and he would know that an episode has passed once his wife starts a conversation again. Debbie was quick to add that she also does the same for her husband when he is not in a good mood as well.

    Dr. Perez-Imperial affirmed how the moms approached the problem and worked together with their husbands to prevent any episode of anger or mom rage. She reiterates their solutions with expert advice to drive the message home.

    Teamwork makes the dream work

    “First is teamwork talaga. This and sharing of responsibilities are very important between the couples,” she says. She adds that this shouldn’t only happen between husband and wife but to other members as well in an extended household, if applicable.

    “Kung hindi man po between mom and dad, baka pwede po isama natin, temporarily mga lolos and lolas, kung kaya po. It’s sharing of responsibilities between everyone,” she shares.

    Lastly and more importantly, she says, communication between husband and wife should always be kept open. “'Yun po ang isang tip para po magkaunawaan. Mas alam po natin kung anong mga expectations ng bawat isa at nagkakaroon ng understanding, leveling of expectations,” she advises.

    She also emphasizes on how couples should keep tabs of how they react to tense situations which is what often triggers a fight or in this case mom rage. “(Dapat) alam natin how to react or how and respond doon sa mga concerns ng bawat isa.”

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    Dr. Perez-Imperial stresses that keeping things in balance is really the work of everyone involved. “Teamwork makes the dream work,” she concludes.

    A psychiatrist reiterates that mom rage is not “drama-drama lang.” Click here to read.

    What other parents are reading

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