In this episode of Smart Parenting’s Usap Tayo, Billy and Coleen Crawford talk about how they deal with their differences. The celeb couple, married since 2018 and parents to baby Amari, who just turned 2, get honest and give us an intimate glimpse into their parenting styles and relationship.
In the video, Billy and Coleen were given blanket statements about moms and dads, and they show whether they agree or disagree with the statements. Are dads from Mars and are moms truly from Venus, or is there a way to meet in the middle?
How Billy And Coleen Deal With Their Differences
On how they process problems
“Men are slow,” Billy admits. Coleen says, “I think it’s a difference in the way we think.”
“No,” Billy draws out the word. “Men do not multitask very well. And when you have a child, you really need to multitask.”
The fix? Patience is key when it comes to hashing out problems. Even when the situation calls for it, give your partner time to process information to best know what do with the situation.
Moms need to feel loved, men need to feel useful
“You guys just mentioned our issues,” Coleen says. “Sometimes I feel I can’t do anything right.”
“Ako naman, I need to feel useful.” Billy explains that there are a lot of things that only moms can give their children. Coleen countered with, “Sometimes you want to do more, and really want to help.”
This can be challenging especially when you have children, especially in the newborn stage or when your partner is the default primary caregiver. “I feel like I give so much of myself, walang natitira for me,” Coleen muses.
RELATED: How The Silent Treatment Is A Marriage's Silent Killer
Experiencing this? Share the burden
Depending on your relationship, find ways to share the load when it comes to childcare. While some things are just for one partner (e.g. breastfeeding), magsaluhan kayo. This can help your partner recharge and regroup -- and help you keep each other sane.
On Communication Style
“Mom’s always right.” Billy grins, but kidding aside, they agree that they have the same communication style, and communicate better because of Amari. Figuring out your communication and conflict styles and changing with the times can also help you be better partners and parents.
Secret-keepers versus secret revealers
Here we see their communication style at work. Coleen listens while Billy explains that he’s really transparent with what’s happening in his life and then Coleen explains that she disagrees, because he likes to keep his emotions and personal problems in.
“It’s not because he’s actively trying to hide it from me, but because he doesn’t want me to worry about it… I don’t think that’s healthy.” Coleen also explains the struggle of being at home with Amari. “I’m stuck with the kids the whole day so we don’t have a person on our same level to interact with, so by the time you get home I release all of it!”
On appreciation and acknowledgement
“You want to be here, but in the back of your mind you know what you’re giving up, what you’re sacrificing. You just want a little bit of that in return.”
Validation, knowing that you’re doing things right is especially important, Coleen explains for both moms and dads. Acknowledging effort is like a “triumphant victory.”
Billy adds, “What I’ve learned is that my wife comes first before our son. As a father, you’re still a husband first.”
The lesson: acknowledging each other’s efforts can only enhance your relationship. “Men and women are completely opposites,” BIlly said, “But it’s still the same love and same care, the same emotions that you put in.”
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