Only Inspiration: Raising an only child

We all have those lolos and lolas with an overwhelming number of siblings, but times are changing. With deteriorating economies, couples have to tighten their budgets and cultivate modest lifestyles. For some, that could mean having one child instead of the brood they’ve planned.

Lexi Welanetz, Psy.D., co-founder of the Family Resource Counseling Center and only child herself, shares with SmartParenting her views and tips on raising an only child.

 

1. Not so bad after all

Being an only child isn’t a dismal experience. In fact, that might even be good news for the child. “The household is typically less chaotic, meaning there’s also more attention available for that child. The child grows up thinking, ‘Well, why can’t I have it my way?’ which is typically how I spend 75 percent of my day,” shares Dr. Lexi with a laugh.

 

2. Balancing the equation

Given more attention in this attention deficit world could, in the right measure, result in more confident, assertive children who believe in their capability to make things happen. “It’s nice to have that focus to be able to put it to one child. At the same time, it’s important that that child recognizes that they’re not the center of the universe,” says Dr. Lexi.

 

3. We’re all in this together

Dr. Lexi encourages parents to expose their kids to social situations where they can learn to play well with others. Activities of this nature can include sports activities, where they learn how to deal with competition, taking turns and work well in a group, or simply becoming friends with the other children in the community.

There’s no need to worry about the right age group to expose your child to. Socializing with older age groups allows for more diversity. “I was comfortable talking with adults and always have been. It does help you to mature in some ways.” She says, drawing from her personal experience.

 

Click here to read more tips on raising an only child.

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Read on for more tips on raising an only child.

 

4. Pay close attention

At 3 or 4, when children typically start playing with others, start giving them opportunities to interact with other children. Be sensitive to your child’s needs. He might not be as willing to share right away, but gently nudge him in the right direction. “Be able to not reprimand them and gently be encouraging,” says Dr. Lexi. In certain situations where they do share, reward them by taking note of the act. Cheer them on and use words like “It’s nice share. Good for you.”

 

5. Home and away

What Dr. Lexi advises against in single-child families is homeschooling. Such a situation doesn’t provide ample opportunities for the child to cultivate social savvy.

 

6. Spoiled with reason

Worried about spoiling your child? You needn’t be. ‘That term can get thrown around a lot,” says Dr. Lexi. “The way you get around that is by not just having them have the expectation that if they want something, they just get it. That they have to earn it.”

Speak to your children about the reasons why they can’t have what they want in a certain situation. Doing so gives them the ability to make good judgments and understand their limits, says Dr. Lexi.

Does your child want a toy?  You can say, “Well, we could buy that but we just went on a trip and we need to be careful about the choices we make. So we’re not going to do that,” counsels Dr. Lexi.

Raising an only child isn’t the gloom and doom many picture it to be. It can be a rewarding experience it’s only a question of balance for the parents. Being an only child can still be tough, especially in those moments of difficulty when no sibling is there to turn to, but only children can move through it given a loving environment and equipped with nurtured social skills.

 

SOURCE:

• Interview with Lexi Welanetz, Psy.D., co-founder of the Family Resource Counseling Center

 

Photography by David Hanson Ong