Strengthening Godparent-Godchild Relationship

“Ninongs” and “Ninangs” are often more famous during Christmas. In fact, in the Philippines, godparents have become a Christmas icon. It had been traditional for most Filipino kids to visit their “ninongs” and “ninangs” on Christmas Day to ask for their “aguinaldo” (gifts). Often, godparents give monetary gifts to their “inaanaks” (godchildren); other times, new toys, clothes or shoes. Sadly, however, a lot of inaanaks and godparents get to see each other only on Christmas day. This is why society had stereotyped godparents as the people to go to for material and financial gifts.  

This notion often affects how parents choose godparents for their kids. A number still get someone who is financially capable, thinking that he would make a good godparent for their child, but often failing to consider the other aspects of the role of godparents in the life of the child.

The relationship of godparents to their godchildren begins in Baptism. As a basic requirement in most Christian ceremonies, a pair of godparents, 1 male and 1 female (not necessarily married to each other), are chosen by the parents for their child to be baptized. Other parents get more than 1 pair depending on their preference; however, only one pair is actually necessary. Godparents do not necessarily have to be married or have kids in order to be effective in guiding our children. Although parenting experience would be a plus factor, single men and women can also act as godparents for as long as they are capable of fulfilling their responsibilities and act as good role models.

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The main role of a godparent is to support his godchild’s spiritual growth and to help the parents bring him up in a committed practice of his Catholic faith.

According to the Code of Canon Law, "Insofar as possible, one to be baptized is to be given a sponsor who is to assist an adult in Christian initiation, or, together with the parents, to present an infant at the baptism, and who will help the baptized to lead a Christian life in harmony with baptism, and to fulfill faithfully the obligations connected with it" (No. 872).

The sponsor must not only have the intention of being a sponsor but also meet proper qualifications. The sponsor must have completed his sixteenth year.  He must be a Catholic who has received the sacraments of holy Eucharist and confirmation, and "leads a life in harmony with the faith and the role to be undertaken." Also note that these are the same requirements for confirmation sponsors. (Cf. Code of Canon Law, No. 874.1).

Dave Donceras, a “ninong” to 8 “inaanaks”, shares that “I think it is the main responsibility of us, godparents, to act as second parents for the child. We need to establish a relationship and even friendship with our “inaanaks”.

He further added that, “We can also be the people whom our “inaanaks" can talk to, especially if there are issues which they cannot communicate freely to their parents. We also need to have good relationships with their parents so we can also relate with them.”  

Since this is a very serious and important responsibility, parents normally choose godparents whom they are well-connected to and have a strong relationship with.  

Gina Punzalan, a first-time mom to 3-year-old Giro, acknowledges the importance of godparents in the life of her son, which is why she made sure that she chose the right people.  “Giro's “nongs” and “nangs” (how her son fondly calls his godparents) are the closest people in every aspect and chapter in our (my husband’s and mine) life. We got our blood brothers and sisters, our cousins, some of our elementary, high school and college best friends, workmates and members of our Couples for Christ community.”  Gina said.

To have an additional set of “parents” who are willing to provide love and care, is always a welcome privilege for any child. Gina, who is proud to say that she has 15 godchildren, says that, “We treat them (her godchildren) as if they were Giro’s (her son’s) brothers and sisters”.  

There may be various ways of carrying out godparent responsibilities, but one the most important things of all is to build a relationship with their godchild.  

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Establishing a strong bond and relationship with each other is very rewarding and beneficial for both the godparent and the godchild, and we parents are the crucial link between the two. Let us encourage and support each party to be able to fulfill their respective accountabilities toward each other.

For the godparents:   

1.    Pray for your godchild regularly. This is your main Christian duty as godparent.

2.    Be a role model, most especially when your godchild reaches his teenage years and beyond.  

3.    Schedule to see your godchild as regularly as you can. “I think godparents should exert effort to make time for their “inaanaks”. This way they will get to know them more and not just remember them on Christmas season”, shares Dave, who is also a dad to 1-year-and-a-half old Sab.

When my son turned 1, my husband and I requested his godparents who cannot make it for his birthday celebration, to send their birthday greetings. This way, even if our son may not be able to understand it at that time, we will have something to share to him once he grows up to make him feel how much he is loved by his godparents even if they’re far away.

4.    Get to know your godchildren individually especially if you have more than one “inaanak”.  Find out his interests, likes and dislikes, talents and skills.

If you and your godchild are into sports then maybe you can schedule to play basketball with your godchild and his dad. Or if you and your godchild are into music or dancing, then perhaps you can go out together to watch a concert or musical.

5.    Support your godchild’s milestones and celebrate with him occasions other than Christmas.  
Be updated of your godchild’s milestones such as his first day in school, when he receives awards in school, even occasions like his confirmation, graduation, or first communion which are special to your godchild. You don’t need to be physically present at all times but it would be good if your godchild can hear from you through an encouraging letter, a phone call to affirm him, or even sending a simple token to honor him.  

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If you have more than one godchild, organize a get-together with all your godchildren especially during the Christmas season.  This way, they can also meet each other and gain new friends. You can have a simple Christmas party for them, organize games and getting to know you activities.  

For the parents:

1.    Teach your children to pray for their godparents.  

2.    Encourage your child to update their godparents of their milestones.
Your child can send photos of his first day in school or first communion with a short note or story of this milestone. Or if your child is still very young, you, as a parent, can personally update them of his first steps, first words and others.

3.    Schedule a “Day Out with Ninong or Ninang” for your child.
Consult your “kumares” or kumpares” as to the best time for them to meet up for a bonding session with their godchild. It can be just a regular weekend, not necessarily falling on a particular occasion. It can be a once-a-year or twice-a-year-thing for your godchildren. The idea is to get them to bond together other outside the usual occasions  like birthday or Christmas. Activities can be a movie date, malling, going to theme parks, playing a one-on-one game of basketball, watching a play or concert.  

I truly appreciate the presence of godparents, most especially in our case where we are raising our son abroad, far away from our extended families. My son shares a strong bond with his “ninongs” and “ninangs” who are also based in Dubai with us.

Keep your child in touch with their godparents, most especially of their godparents’ milestones as well. Get your child to make their own cards, a simple letter or a video message for their godparents who may be celebrating their wedding anniversary, a job promotion or for a single godparent who may be getting married.

4.    Help your child prepare a special gift for their godparents on their birthdays and for Christmas.
If you are good with baking, maybe you can get your child to help you bake cookies or a cake for “ninong” or “ninang”. Check out arts and crafts sites for cool gift ideas they can make themselves. Or maybe teach your child to save up a peso a day weeks before Christmas so they can buy even a simple gift or token they can give their godparents.
 
5.    Teach your child to show love and gratitude to their godparents.  
For every time our children receive gifts from their godparents, let us teach them to show their gratitude in creative ways. For instance, take a photo of your child with the gift they received and send the photos to their godparents with a simple note of thanks from your child.  

Of course, godparents can never replace the love and relationship which we, parents, have with our children, but it won’t hurt as well to have help from them whom we trust and are special to us and in the life of our children. Our children’s relationship with their godparents should go beyond just receiving material gifts, because they themselves are already a “gift” to each other.  

 
Research Reference: Catholic Educational Resource Center
Photo from flickr creativecommons