The Daddy Diaries

They are often called the Haligi ng Tahanan, and that shows that fatherhood is really one tough job. They are expected to show strength even at the toughest times, be a sturdy guide through life’s challenges, and be the shoulder to lean on when things get really rough. Of course, they have to show a softer side, too: they are often playmates, self-defense teachers, and a fair sumbungan ng bayan if a sibling has done wrong.

Since men don’t really grab the phone to gripe and grouse to their buddies the way we women do, we asked them to speak out, spill their secrets, and get all mushy about their role in our lives since it’s, after all, Father’s Day. We talked to four fathers at different stages of fatherhood, to tell us their challenges and dreams for their offspring.


John Aaron Marifosque
Mechanical Engineer/Environmental, Health, and Safety (EHS) Professional
Son: James Cassey, 10-months old

Classic delivery room basket-case: My wife had to undergo emergency CS delivery because her water bag was leaking. I was alone at the visitor's lounge the whole time, standing on a corner, anxiously waiting for the door to open. After what felt like hours of agony, the door opened and the pediatrician informed me that our baby was already at the nursery. Without a word, I went to the viewing window and saw my son for the first time.

I felt like my chest was going to explode, no words came out of my mouth and my eyes were almost teary. I was so focused on our son that it took several minutes for me to notice that the nurses have mistakenly put a label in my son's crib. The label was "Baby GIRL Marifosque". After a few minutes, the OB-Gyne came out and informed me that my wife was fine. That’s when I realized, I was so happy to see our son that I totally forgot to ask about my wife's condition!

New-daddy challenges: After I saw my son for the first time, reality struck me and I asked myself, "I now have to take care of this baby but how am I gonna do it?"  The only live creature I had to take care of in my entire life was an animal and it was inside an aquarium.

I was really worried that I might drop our baby or break his bones when I needed to carry him. We didn't have a babysitter -- I had to take care of our son, feed him, change his diapers and carry him until he fell asleep. I also needed to attend to my wife, who was still sore from the operation. I never thought I could do it, but I guess the cliche is right; ”When a child is born, a parent is born, too". I just acted on my parental instincts and I was glad I've been able to do my responsibilities to my wife and our son.

 

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The best bits about being a dad: A mom’s time with her baby is about learning. Moms have the patience to teach the parts of the body or the A-B-C, but a dad’s time is all about play, tickling and laughing. I think this is the best bit about being a Dad; it’s that we can be a child again. With these playtimes with my son, I am able to relieve stress brought by work and the child within me is unleashed.

Life, pre-fatherhood: What I miss about my life pre-fatherhood is having carefree night-outs -- those nights when I go out with my friends for alcohol-chugging sessions while belting out a few songs in a videoke bar which later become dancing sessions when the effects of the alcohol kick in, those nights that I didn’t care about time. Today, I can still go out with my friends but at the back of my mind, I would think of how my son is doing. And if I drink, I have to make sure that I will still be rational enough to do the tasks waiting for me when I come home.

Alibis to wifey: The number one alibi I give to my wife, Faith, for her to allow me to go out with the boys is that something bad happened to a friend and he needs someone to talk to. Some of the reasons I have also used in the past is that a friend lost his job, or has been a hold-up victim, or my friend broke up with his girlfriend. They have worked several times -- but I guess I have to find another alibi now that I've revealed these.

The biggest misconception: I think the biggest misconception is that guys can't do delicate tasks that require the finesse of a woman. I've been getting different reactions from some people (especially the old ones) when they learn that I’m doing tasks like feeding, bathing our son, and giving him daily vitamins, since my wife went back to her job. Some people think that these duties should be done by the moms but it’s no big deal for me because I know I can do the tasks as well.

The daddy legacy: As a health and safety professional, I've learned how my actions can greatly affect the people around me. I'm supposed to identify and recommend solutions to address the hazards to prevent any effect on people as well as our environment. With this, I want to raise my son as a caring, responsible person who is sensitive to the needs and feelings of the people around him. If one day he grows up to be like that, I would be the happiest, and be able to say proudly that I have fulfilled my duty as a parent well and that I've raised a good child.

 

Click here to read about the next dad, John John Catbagan.

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John John Catbagan
Doctor
Son:  John Cayle, 6 years old

Prepped for preschool: When I look at my son, it becomes clear to me what my purpose in life is, and the weight of my responsibility. I get excited and look forward to the times that I bring my son to school because I know that this is where learning begins. I don’t feel like I’m getting older; rather, I feel younger because it makes me reminisce my grade school days, sitting and listening to my teacher and playing in school with friends and classmates. To see John Cayle grow up to be a better individual is my ultimate dream.

The best part of having a kid at this age: Now that I’m 39, I have the chance to play again, without other people thinking that I’m immature! Also, I can visit toy shops and buy toys which I really loved when I was a kid.

The dad challenge: For me, it’s trying to give my all to my son, wife and family. I want to make sure that I can provide them a simple but comfortable life without sacrificing my quality time with them. I want to spend more and more time with my kid everyday and it is very hard if you are a sole provider.

Life, pre-fatherhood: I miss going out with buddies, spending a lot, and being carefree about my future. But there are no regrets since the first day I became a dad.

The greatest misconception on daddyhood: They always think that dads are strict. The truth is, you just want make sure your son is always safe from harm.

Alibi is for baby: When I go out with the boys, I always tell my wife who I'm with  It is  my son who is so strict, who’s always checking on me, telling me to go home early because he wants to have midnight snack with me. He is, in fact, the ones who keeps making up alibis so I would go home early! Each night we have midnight snack together while watching TV or playing around.

The daddy legacy: I want to make sure that he will always remember in his heart and mind that I spent my Love, my Life and time with him, and provided him a better life. I hope it makes him a better person and that he will pass this forward to his future kids.

 

Click here to read about the next dad, Chito Pacheco.

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Chito G. Pacheco
President/Owner - www.ideliver101.com
Children: Gabbie, Miguel, Rapha

Now that the kids are in grade school: For starters, I feel OLD! But seriously, the moment they graduated from pre-school, my wife Darlene and I  felt excited because we know that grade school life is definitely a new world for them as well as to us.  There was fear that they may find the academic subjects more difficult which would mean that we need to focus more on their study habits.  Add to that new challenges and undertakings, like getting them to become interested in sports and other extracurricular activities, teaching them to become more competitive and secure about themselves, but at the same time remaining a team-oriented person.  
Major-major challenges: It’s a challenge for me and Darlene to make them realize which are “needs” and which are merely “wants”. Right now, almost every month may bago for them to whine about, but our decision as parents must prevail.

The major challenge, which I know most parents are also experiencing, is making sure that they are able to adjust to the complexities of their academic subjects. This also includes helping them cope with longer hours in school.  And with the presence of TV, toys, gadgets, technology – IPOD, PC’s and others, keeping them interested in their studies becomes more challenging.  So we help them manage their time and make them realize the importance of learning. Thus, the challenge is to strike a balance where they also have time to enjoy.

The joy of the preteen years: With our 2 boys, I find it enjoyable that we are sharing almost the same interests in sports - like playing football, basketball and the regular jog around the neighborhood. We also have the same tastes in TV and movie shows, food, a love for motorcycles and cars, in clothes, and especially in shoes. With my unica hija, she and I love almost the same kind of music.

I always look forward to the times I have with them.  We play around so much and we share and plan our weekends together. They have become my new barkada.   I could tell them my problems – even though they won’t be able to give me the best advice – but still they are there to listen to me. Another cool thing is that they are also there in support of the businesses and endeavors Darlene and I get into.

 

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Life, pre-fatherhood: Generally I don't really miss being single, but there are some aspects that I fondly do look back on, like not feeling as guilty about buying expensive shoes and clothes for myself, and of course, having only my own schedule to manage. But all of these things seem minor when I put it into perspective.

Friends are less fun:  For some reason, the moment I settled down, parang seeing my friends is not as fun as it was before. It’s very seldom that I look forward going out with them to the point that my wife would even remind me that I haven’t seen my friends for quite some time. Maybe growing up with a father who is very much centered on his family has really influenced me a lot. Having preteens is the best!

The biggest daddy misconception: I think it’s just but normal for fathers to be stricter especially in my case that I have 3 kids to look after. I am particular about how they behave and treat other people.  Although most of the time I treat them as if we’re buddies, there’s a thin line that separates the buddy-buddy dad from the disciplinarian dad, and it’s a good thing my kids know and respect that.

Another most common misconception is that fathers need to work in the office.  What I love about my life right now is that, since I manage my businesses from home, I have lots of time with my kids and I’m able to see them grow up.  This setup works for me tremendously and each day is the most amazing.  

The daddy legacy: I want to leave the same legacy that my dad taught me, and that is to be God-fearing, to value my family and be the best father I can be.

 

Click here to read about the next dad, Alex Pambid.

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Alex Pambid
Marketing Manager, New York Pizza Palace
Children: Alec Angelo Mateo, 15 years old; Axel Lorenzo Mateo Pambid, 14 years old; Bianca Angela Mateo, 12 years old; Alex Joshua Mateo, 11 years old; Leo Joachim Mateo, 9 years old
 
A bunch of surprises: It feels great to be a dad!  You know that you now have someone you can share your interests and hobbies with. Kaya lang you realize that your responsibility becomes more complicated. With my teen kids, I sometimes have to play different roles when dealing with them. I have to be a brother, a friend and a father to them. Different folks, different strokes.

I realized that they were already teenagers when yung component pinasok na nila sa room nila, they want their own TV, yung rubber shoes mo hinihiram na kasi may basketball sila, yung jacket mo, yung damit mo mawawala na lang sa closet! When you go out and eat you have to order not 1, but 3 extra cups of rice and sandwiches, kasi bitin. Then you receive phone calls looking for your kids (usually from the opposite sex)!

You’ll be surprised, one day, their voices sound different, that they have grown taller! Pahirapan nang magpagupit kasi pumoporma na.  They become more vain, lalabas lang ng bahay to go to the store, magpapalit pa ng damit, magsusuklay. They are more conscious about their looks, pimples, blackheads, etc. One time one of my kids umuwi may kulay yung buhok, I was surprised but pinabayaan ko na, pero mama nila horrified baka raw kasi magkaroon siya ng allergic reaction.

You also hear them talk about girls or boys (in the case of my daughter). But as parents we try to explain to them the advantages and disadvantages of having girlfriends at this early stage. We try to discourage them. I don’t have to worry about my only daughter’s suitors, since she has two elder brothers, not to mention two younger brothers. With regard to my daughter, my wife is in a better position to guide her.

 

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Discipline and the birds and the bees:  The challenge is to strike a balance between giving them freedom while allowing them to explore the real word by themselves. You want them to be independent but at the same time you long to maintain control over them. Teen life is one of the most difficult stages for anyone, that’s why you have to be careful about your actions, and what you say.  Your kids will look up to you as a role model and you can't always be at your best all the times. Kaya dapat conscious ka lagi.

The degree of control should be flexible, you should know kung kailan luluwagan at kailan hihigpitan. Experience is the best teacher kaya as much as possible I let them try everything (well, almost everything) so they would know.

This is the stage where they become more curious about the bird and the bees. Sometimes I don’t know how to approach it -- clinical approach ba o parang barkada? These are the different choices you have to make.

I may not be the best father in the world but I aspire and strive to be the best father they can have. But of course, raising kids is not a one-man job, you need an equally (if not more equipped) loving wife and partner. You sometimes have to play good-cop–bad-cop so they won't feel na pinagtutulungan namin sila. My wife is there also to guide if I am being too lax or too strict.

The best part about having teens: One of the best things is having them to play basketball with, praying na hindi ka mapahiya o madapa,  watching the same movies, letting them listen to the songs you grew up with and wait for them to react whether they will say that you are baduy or cool,  and asking their opinion if what you are wearing is cool or baduy also.  If you’re lucky, your kids just might share the same hobbies & interests with you. Another great thing about having teens is that pwede kang maglambing, like ask them for a massage.

Life, pre-fatherhood: Actually, as you grow old, you won't miss anything. Of course you will miss the time when it was just you and your wife. You miss the time when you could afford to go home late, gimmick to the max. But really, you won’t miss it.

Alibi to wifey: I don’t give alibis to my wife. I usually tell my wife that we will go out to play basketball.  At this point in time, usually when we go out, we all go out together. So, there is no need to give any alibis.

The daddy legacy:  I hope that through my actions, I can teach my children to be good, fair, respectful and just members of the society. At the same time, they should be able to speak their minds in a polite and respectful manner. They should also be able to see what is right and wrong and act accordingly. I want them to enjoy life to the fullest without hurting other people.