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  • An Open Letter To The Wife Of My Child's Father, 'Sana Hindi Tayo Nagkakilala Sa Ganitong Paraan'

    Ibinahagi sa amin ng isang ina ang nadiksubre niya tungkol sa tatay ng kanyang anak.
    by Ana Gonzales .
An Open Letter To The Wife Of My Child's Father, 'Sana Hindi Tayo Nagkakilala Sa Ganitong Paraan'
PHOTO BY iStock
  • Infidelity ang isa sa mga pinakamadalas na idulog ng mga nanay sa aming Facebook group na Smart Parenting Village. Ipinapadala nila ito sa amin bilang #SPConfessions at malimit, mga legal wives ang nagbabahagi sa amin ng kanilang kwento.

    Kaya naman, kakaiba ang kwentong natanggap namin kamakailan. Ibang anggulo ito sa isang kwentong madalas na nating naririnig.

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    #SPConfessions: To the wife of my child's father...

    I am a bit surprised when I saw your name on my notifications tab saying you wanted to connect with me.

    I just woke up. I saw that you also sent me a message request. "What a coincidence," you said. "You named your daughter (name withheld)."

    At the back of my mind, I thought, "Ano na naman bang problema nito? Nananahimik ako eh. Ang aga-aga."

    Yes. Your daughter and mine have the same nickname. My daughter is two months younger than yours. I found out about it two months after I gave birth to my daughter. It was just a coincidence.

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    I was trying to change the nickname, but my friends told me I should not be bothered by it. So I tried not to be. I gave my daughter that name because I think she deserves it. It fits her.

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    I did not write this letter to explain where my daughter's name came from and why it's the same as your daughter's. Hindi lang pangalan ang pareho sila. Pareho rin sila ng ama.

    I want you to know that at this very moment, I am not yet healed from the lies and betrayals of your husband. I haven't forgiven him for kissing me with the lips he uses to kiss you.

    For holding my hands like he is not holding yours...

    For touching my life like he was ready to stay in it...

    For feeding me food he cooked for you the night before...

    For wasting my time, my effort, and my tears. For making me the kind of woman who has hurt my mother and is still hurting her until now. For making me the mistress.

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    "Hindi lang sila pareho ng pangalan, pareho rin sila ng ama."

    I never imagined my life kissing someone's boyfriend or husband. I am more than that. I deserve a better man.

    It is partly my fault. I let him in my life with naivety. I gave him my trust. I believed in his words. And now, I'll take that as a lesson. A full-blown background check should be done before accepting a man in my life.

    I have been hurt the way you were hurting. Please trust me when I say I fully understand what you are going through. I am a woman and you are too. You are a mother and I am too.

    We were hurt by the man we thought would love us the way we wanted to be loved.

    Before, I was praying for your understanding and your openness. I never intended to hurt you. I did not know you exist until one of his friends told me. I never wanted to be the woman who hurt my mother a million times. I never wanted to be your husband's mistress.

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    And I am not like any other mistresses who would stick around. I am civilized and regal. I was raised with excellence and honor.

    "I never wanted to be your husband's mistress."

    But my heart, as a mother, is trying to give my daughter what she truly deserves. Part of what she deserves is to know who her father is and to have the chance to spend some time with her father.

    I don't want to make mistakes again. That's why months ago, I chose to tell you everything about us.

    If I want him to be a part of my daughter's life, you have to know because it is the right thing to do.

    You are married. Isn't that what married people do? Make decisions together?

    I never wish for your family to be broken. I never wish to take the father of your children. I did not love him the way you love him. I never wanted us to be married. When I found out I was pregnant, I never asked him to marry me.

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    If he ever asked me to marry him (kung wala siyang asawa), I would say no because marriage is sacred for me. I will only marry the man I deserve.

    I want both of you to fix your relationship. I know you would not choose to leave him because a mother like you would not do that—the same as what my mother did.

    If I were in this kind of situation, I would definitely leave. But we are totally different.

    I am praying for your healing because that's the only way we can solve the conflict between us. Let us take the time to heal and to accept the situation we are in.

    I've been telling you that our situation needs our maturity and respect. Sino pa ba ang magiging magkakampi kundi tayong mga babae lang?

    And if ever healing won't come, I'll respect it. I'll understand your pain like how I would understand mine and my mother's.

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    If ever both of you choose to forget, then I'll live my life away from you. Because as much as I want him to be accountable and responsible, I would choose healing.

    "Sino pa bang magkakampihan kundi tayong mga babae lang?"

    My daughter deserves a better man and clearly, your husband is not deserving.

    Belated Happy Mother's Day! I am sorry if we have to cross our paths like this.

    How I wish I could send this to her but I want them out of my life. Bata pa ang anak ko. Kung palagi akong mabo-bother sa kanila, paano na ako? Paano ako hihilom? I don't like my child to hate her father just because I hated him. I want to heal because I want to fill my tank with love.

    Her message is making me anxious. I am uncomfortable. Simula nang mabasa ko na naman ang message niya, nanginginig ang kalamnan ko at sumasakit ang tiyan ko.

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    Should I reply to her message so I can feel at ease? I tried asking my sisters but they dismissed me, telling me that we can talk about that some other time.

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    Ang kwentong ito ay hango sa isang tunay na #SPConfession na ipinadala sa amin sa Smart Parenting Village. Ang ilang mga detalye ay bahagya naming binago upang bigyang proteksyon ang nagpadala sa amin nito.

    Mayroon ka bang sarili mong #SPConfessions na nais ibahagi sa amin? Ipadala lang kay Sara Palma sa Smart Parenting Village o hindi kaya ay i-email sa amin sa smartparentingsubmissions@gmail.com

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