There are many behaviors, habits and traits that confound women to no end and are a source of disgust, frustration and lots of wildly thrown cutlery. So to avoid any more ballistic-ally launched Ginzu knives, here is a brief primer on why guys do what they do in the hopes that women who read this may understand that odd but awesome creature, the human male.
Why we leave the toilet seat up
Lady, you gotta learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Why men dress like slobs
If you won't dress like the girls in FHM, don't expect us to look like the guys in Twilight (Twilight? Blech!!!). We won’t ask you to undergo breast augmentation surgery or wear such visually entertaining things like bikini floss. Don’t ask us to have our hair like Edward Cullen (who probably gets it that way by avoiding baths), write tasteful romantic poetry or stare at you soulfully all the time like retarded puppies. We married you, fleas and all. Take us for what we are, warts and all.
Why TV and movie interruptions are greeted with a stony silence
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or after the movie. A fictional TV preacher once said there is a “special level of hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.” We don’t want you to spend eternity in damnation.
Why men do not ask for directions
Admitting we’re lost is like being a six-year old child or a Korean tourist in Swaziland. We don’t like to show weakness. If you wish, go ask directions from that nice security guard while we stand there with furrowed brows, trying to figure out which direction to go while holding on to what little shreds of dignity we still possess.
Why colors don’t matter Whereas dogs and cows are color-blind, all men see in only 16 colors, just like Windows default settings. Red, green and blue are colors. Mango, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Periwinkle sounds naughty and British. Most guys think that mauve, chartreuse and puce are French cuss words.
Why men scratch ‘there’ If it feels itchy, it will be scratched. We do that. Women have poise, men have porpoise, este, purpose. That’s why we sit with spread legs and make “adjustments” to our “plumbing” when it gets uncomfortable.
You might also want to check out these other articles on Understanding Your Husband:
Understanding Your Husband: Decoding His Communication (Part 1 of 3)Understanding Your Husband: The Man-ifesto (Part 2 of 3)